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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

advice needed husband cheating

107 replies

redrooms · 06/02/2015 19:42

Dh been away for a family funeral abroad. He returned last week uploaded all his family pictures onto the laptop. Just been looking at them and one girl seemed to feature heavily in the pictures just always in the background.

Checked the recycle bin sure enough deleted pics of her topless, he is crap at technology and obviously didnt realise.

Logged onto his facebook for which he doesn't realise I know the password and there are 10 calls today logged on messenger and a private message from his friend warning him about too many photos of this girl on his page.

I am sat here shaking. I know I need to take action he has cheated on me before I can't go through this again.

Please advise me and hold my hand. He is out until 10. What do I do?

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 07/02/2015 00:51

Please put the key in the lock so he can't get back in. You need peace and quiet tonight.

fizzycolagurlie · 07/02/2015 00:53

When you have gone from shock and despair to anger. I recommend you do the following - take one large pair of scissors (preferably sharp, large ones)- and cut the crotch out of all his trousers and put them back in the drawer / cupboard or throw them out the window. Cathartic. May be too soon for this though. My deepest sympathies though. Been there, and its hell.

HellKitty · 07/02/2015 00:56

You are worth so much more than this arsehole. Hand holding. Hope you're ok.

Tell your mum or a friend, you need to get it 'out there' so you can't be tempted back.

Original poster
redrooms · 07/02/2015 03:45

Not getting much sleep I have work at 7. Going to have to take dd to my dm now he is not here.

My head is spinning right now. I have key in door so he can't get in he still has a key.

OP posts:
Original poster
redrooms · 07/02/2015 03:47

He tried to blame me for looking at the pictures quite funny really if I wasn't already crying I would be laughing.

OP posts:
TabbyNicki · 07/02/2015 05:11

Didnt want to read and run. This must be horrible for you. You've support here, theres always someone about

Vivacia · 07/02/2015 07:10

I'm sorry that there was no one around for you in the early hours. I hope you got organised this morning.

I'n just sorry everything is so difficult for you Sad but you have completely done the right thing.

Smooshface · 07/02/2015 08:17

I cannot believe he denied it, what possible excuse does he have for owning topless photos of another woman?

Hope you are ok, and there is tea and sympathy available at work

Joysmum · 07/02/2015 08:18

Hope you're ok this morning. Typical denial that there was anything inappropriate going on. I'm so glad you found out cause if you hadn't you'd not have had any choices as you do now. Flowers

CarbeDiem · 07/02/2015 08:19

I hope you're okay, as can be, red

So you've had the standard cheaters response then - Deny and blame others Hmm
What a knob he is.
Glad he's not around you.
Get through today as best you can and please tell someone in RL too.
Take care and stay strong Xxx

TwitterWooooo · 07/02/2015 08:26

Thinking of you this morning.
Be strong, be consistent, he is a liar and a cheat, you dont deserve his pathetic excuses. I don't believe you will get the truth because he will try to limit damage once he thinks you have calmed down.

GelfBride · 07/02/2015 08:29

Hells teeth Red he doesn't even have enough respect for you to be honest to your face!
Everything from him now must be heard as white noise or you will go crazy. You know him for what he is. Keep him out of your life now so you can heal all the sooner. Good luck. He has done this to your DD too.

coconutty · 07/02/2015 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mammadiggingdeep · 07/02/2015 08:42

So sorry you're going through this. Makes me so sad to know another woman is walking the same old walk :(
Some advice, if you want it. Protect yourself- don't listen to anymore denials/ shit from him. My favourite mantra is you can't expect an arsehole to be reasonable. You won't get the truth, save your energy. You KNOW all you need to know. Trust your instincts about this man.
Take the next few weeks to gather your thoughts and emotions. Decide what course of action you want to take and then dig deep and take it.
It's all about you and your lovely dd now. You'll be ok. Tell your family and friends as and when you're ready, lean on them and look after yourself.

MN will be here for you. You're not the only one to walk this path. Hope you're okFlowers

albal14 · 07/02/2015 10:15

red you did the right thing. As for him, what a shit, can't even apologise.
Here for you x

hamptoncourt · 07/02/2015 10:19

I am sure many other posters will echo my experience of this OP. My XH denied it over and over and over, which was INFURIATING as I had cast iron evidence. He even swore on our DC lives that he hadn't been shagging around Sad

Of course he finally admitted it when I said I was going to share his emails with OW with her DH and begged me not to as "OW DH would kick his head in." You can imagine how tempting that was Grin

You know what he did. Time to get loads of RL support - have you told your DM or your friends yet?

A much better life awaits you after all this I promise you. Thanks

magoria · 07/02/2015 10:27

It's your fault you looked at the pictures of the top less woman he forgot to delete properly! What a twat.

As you have been TTC you may want a trip to an STI clinic, sorry.

Look after yourself you deserve better treatment.

BallsforEarrings · 07/02/2015 12:46

So sorry redrooms - Flowers

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 07/02/2015 13:38

Yup, if you didn't look at pictures on his pc, they wouldn't exist and he wouldn't be cheating - you looking at them actually magically made it happen. He didn't cheat before that. It's your fault.

You are well rid. Concentrate now on financial stuff if you can - that will very quickly become the most important thing, even if it doesn't feel like it now. Banks, access to cash, his documents (pension, bank statements, savings etc.) - get proof of holdings and control of everything you can.

Original poster
redrooms · 07/02/2015 13:58

Thank you so much for all of your replies I really appreciate it.

When I woke this morning he was home. Dd was still in bed so I just came out to work. We didn't talk or anything.

So looking forward to going home for a hot bath and rest I feel exhausted.

OP posts:
Original poster
redrooms · 07/02/2015 14:00

I know I will be ok on my own me and dd have got along fine while he has been gone. Financially I need to look into things.

OP posts:
BlastedChickens · 07/02/2015 14:38

You will be great on your own with DD.

Don't accept his excuses get everything you need and stay strong. Flowers

inlectorecumbit · 07/02/2015 14:50

Be prepared for his excuses-he will have a bucketful no doubt ,your fault for looking, etc.
It is what it is, you are not daft and he has form.
You and your DD deserve better. Flowers

LeahSmith · 07/02/2015 15:11

You really need to leave him, if someone cheats on you they obviously don't love you. You deserve better x

HayDayRookie · 07/02/2015 15:41

I've been in your position. Found photos of OW in our bed when i was 6mths pregnant. He turned it all round on me and said he hoped me and the baby died of cancer. How my children are so wonderful with him as a father is a miracle. He lives in another country now thank god.