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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

advice needed husband cheating

107 replies

redrooms · 06/02/2015 19:42

Dh been away for a family funeral abroad. He returned last week uploaded all his family pictures onto the laptop. Just been looking at them and one girl seemed to feature heavily in the pictures just always in the background.

Checked the recycle bin sure enough deleted pics of her topless, he is crap at technology and obviously didnt realise.

Logged onto his facebook for which he doesn't realise I know the password and there are 10 calls today logged on messenger and a private message from his friend warning him about too many photos of this girl on his page.

I am sat here shaking. I know I need to take action he has cheated on me before I can't go through this again.

Please advise me and hold my hand. He is out until 10. What do I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
redrooms · 06/02/2015 19:59

It's ok twitter.

I just can't believe it. I hate him so much.

I have to go to work tomorrow I don't know how I'm going to hold it together.

OP posts:
Rinkydinkypink · 06/02/2015 20:00

Bags on the doorstep. Lock the door and leave the key in so he can't use his to open it. Send him a message to say its over.

Keep all evidence and don't speak to him for a few days (if ever).

Original poster
redrooms · 06/02/2015 20:00

She knows. He has added her on facebook she can see his page. But I am not going to put it on. Too public he is friends with my friends and family.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 06/02/2015 20:03

look love, the best thing you do here is simply tell him it's over

don't share pics of this woman with anyone...God knows what lies he told her

your relationship is kaput....unless you fancy getting more piss taken out of you on a regular basis

he has form and he's been acting true to that..again

you don't want your dc growing up thinking that her mum will put up with any old shit

see a solicitor, get the ball rolling and don't even try to understand where he is coming from...it will all be bullshit excuses

he simply enjoys dipping his wick wherever he feels like it

if you don't want to be the wife that turns a blind eye to that, this is is your cue

SisterMerror · 06/02/2015 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
redrooms · 06/02/2015 20:05

You are all right. I have to end this tonight. All of the evidence is here in front of me. I just want to get it over with now.

OP posts:
TwitterWooooo · 06/02/2015 20:07

Do you want to get answers lies ?? If it would help you, then when him gets home, leave the incriminating photos open on the laptop, and wait for him to squirm.
If you feel that just dumping his clothes on the doorstep, key in the door so he can't open it, and don't answer the phone, will be better for you, then do that. I think he will guess why. Further more it puts the "wtf is happening" feeling his way, which is the least he can expect.

CarbeDiem · 06/02/2015 20:07

Another hand for you OP.
Sorry you're having to go through this.
If he's done it before and again now there's really no coming back from it.
He's just pissed all over your forgiveness and trust.
Yes it would be tempting to pretend all is okay until you can get your ducks in a row - money, house etc.. but that's maybe not for the best as he's bound to try and worm his way around you. In his eyes you've forgiven him before so you can again so just be aware he may try to fuck with your head.
Yes to getting copies of the photos and messages.

You don't deserve this and don't have to put up with it.
What kind of dirty cheating bastard uses a family funeral as a means to pick up someone and cheat on his wife - He's on another level.
Be strong Flowers

HattyMonkey · 06/02/2015 20:08

What Anyfucker said. Your DD deserves more, you deserve more. Tell him to sling his hook. Do not listen to any grief related shit, I lost many people I loved and do you know what? Not once did my vagina fall on the nearest friendly penis!He is a cheating bastard always will be. Sorry if that is hard but we sometimes need the truth to hit us hard.

Auburnsparkle · 06/02/2015 20:09

There is nothing he can say which will excuse this. Please don't upset yourself further even talking to him. You best weapon now is silence. Bags on the doorstep - lock the door. You are done with him.

Original poster
redrooms · 06/02/2015 20:10

Thank you everyone I really needed someone to talk to.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 06/02/2015 20:14

You and your dd are worth more than this shit

HattyMonkey · 06/02/2015 20:15

Mumsnet will be here. I have been enormously helped in the past. Keep talking if you need to. The help of strangers is strangely reinforcing.

CarbeDiem · 06/02/2015 20:21

You talk here all you want redrooms cry, rant, vent or whatever you feel like.
There's always people around when you need them.

You'll get through this for yourself and your dd, the first step is to get the cheating bastard of a husband out of your eyes, your headspace and eventually your life.

Smooshface · 06/02/2015 20:23

Keep copies of everything and pack him up. Sorry for you, hard when you think someone has changed. Good luck.

Original poster
redrooms · 06/02/2015 20:25

Dd is still up trying to keep it together until she is in bed.

I'm cleaning like a mad woman trying to keep myself busy.

He just phoned I didn't say anything. I know a lot of you don't advise this but I really want to do this face to face.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 06/02/2015 20:25

Pack his bags, text him that they're on the step, and tell him you do NOT want to talk to him, there's nothing to talk about and that he needs to find somewhere elsewhere to stay. Key in lock, don't answer texts or your phone to him. If he has the nerve to knock, ignore it.

It's too new for you. You need peace and a bit of breathing room. And an appointment with a solicitor.

DrElizabethPlimpton · 06/02/2015 20:25

OP put the hurt to one side for now and use the anger. (I'm speaking from experience)

Get his stuff packed and let him pick it up from the front garden and switch everything off. This man is at a funeral and he cheats on his wife. I just can't imagine anything more grim than that.

I'm truly speechless on your behalf.

Good luck. Your future is so much brighter.

lunar1 · 06/02/2015 20:27

Have you managed to save a copy of all the evidence? So sorry you are going through this.

Original poster
redrooms · 06/02/2015 20:29

Yes I have emailed the pictures to myself and have screen shots of the messages.

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 06/02/2015 20:33

When you do it, you may want him to be gone ASAP. Might be an idea to pack his bag before he gets home - gives you the option then of just getting rid of him immediately.

Completely agree with posters saying not to post pics - hugely tempting but keep your dignity. He's a lying bastard and he could have told her anything. But keep the evidence safe - including the messages from his friend.

Finola1step · 06/02/2015 20:36

Stop cleaning. There are some really important things you need to do tonight.

Paperwork and evidence. Print off what you can re this OW. Put it in an envelope and hide it.

Look for and hide all paperwork relating to:
-Mortgage
-Bank Statements
-Passports for you and dd
-Insurance
-Pensions
-Marraige certificate and birth certificate for dd

If you have any way if copying stuff tonight, great. Or take photos. But hide as much as you can.

Online banking? Get the money.

Bag his stuff if you can. Tell him you will leave more outside over the weekend and that you will be in contact with him via your solicitor when appropriate.

GoooRooo · 06/02/2015 20:37

redrooms you sound far calmer than I would be so props to you for that! You deserve better. What a bastard.

hamptoncourt · 06/02/2015 20:42

I don't know why you are letting him in?

What will you do if he refuses to leave again?

Bag his stuff and send it to his mums or the sleazy friend. Text him saying you have had enough and where his stuff is - you will be in contact re access to DD.

albal14 · 06/02/2015 20:49

Sorry he cheated on you again. THEM PEOPLE DO'NT CHANGE DO THEY? Big Hug from me x