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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

advice needed husband cheating

107 replies

redrooms · 06/02/2015 19:42

Dh been away for a family funeral abroad. He returned last week uploaded all his family pictures onto the laptop. Just been looking at them and one girl seemed to feature heavily in the pictures just always in the background.

Checked the recycle bin sure enough deleted pics of her topless, he is crap at technology and obviously didnt realise.

Logged onto his facebook for which he doesn't realise I know the password and there are 10 calls today logged on messenger and a private message from his friend warning him about too many photos of this girl on his page.

I am sat here shaking. I know I need to take action he has cheated on me before I can't go through this again.

Please advise me and hold my hand. He is out until 10. What do I do?

OP posts:

Original poster

redrooms · 06/02/2015 20:54

I feel calm honestly I don't know what's going on.

My heart aches for dd. She is 12 so will understand what is going on.

OP posts:

antimatter · 06/02/2015 21:03

So sorry you have to go through this.
Have you got anyone in RL to turn to in need?

AnyFucker · 06/02/2015 21:04

are you ok, love ?

Original poster

redrooms · 06/02/2015 21:07

My mum I think I'm going to tell her tomorrow. I didn't tell anyone last time.

I am ok. Crying now so angry. I need to toughen up to deal with this the right way

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 06/02/2015 21:09

Yes, tell your mum. You need some support

Tmrgl · 06/02/2015 21:13

Deep breathes - pack his bags
More deep breathes - meet him at the door, turn him round
Then rest.

Chillyegg · 06/02/2015 21:13

Finola1 I completely agree with what she said! I think it's the best way!
Call your mum tonight if you can you need support!
And you don't need to toughen up tonight love, your well within your right to feel any emotion! He sounds like a prize knob!

HootyMcTooty · 06/02/2015 21:15

Tell your mum, tell your friends. I'm
so sorry you're going through this. Pack his bags, leave them on the doorstep with a copy of your dossier on top. You don't owe him a chance to explain and there's unlikely to be anything he can say to make you feel better.

elQuintoConyo · 06/02/2015 21:15

No words of advice, but hand holding from here

Cnmorgan13 · 06/02/2015 21:21

I don't know if it would be worth phoning your mum or a friend who could take your daughter tonight, it's going to get pretty heated and maybe it would be best to keep her away from it (in case she wakes up and hears)
I would preempt him, a simple text, I saw the pictures, I know what happened, we will speak when you get home. Ditto for getting your paperwork in order.
If you want to go down the packing bags route and leaving a key in the door, I'd call a girlfriend over, someone you trust just so you are not alone when he comes around. Best of luck to you

MsVanRein · 06/02/2015 21:23

I'm so sorry you are going through this OP, what a shithead. Will be thinking of you x

calzone · 06/02/2015 21:25

Am so sorry.

What time is he due home?

Babashka · 06/02/2015 21:31

You have to tread carefully and decide how you want this marriage to go, either staying together or the divorce courts. Have solid proof before any confrontation and then try and stay calm, he will expect hysterics, don't satisfy him. You have to talk to him calmly. Tell him what you want, don't ask him what he wants.

PlumFairy2014 · 06/02/2015 21:37

Lots of people here have much better advice than I could offer. I'm so sorry you're going through this, he really is an awful man and you seem so composed and wonderful.

I would second having someone come over if you can and not letting him in. He doesn't deserve a second thought but sometimes an angry cry helps get it out. If you can I would call someone to actually say it and have their support.

I hope you're ok OP.

Ohfourfoxache · 06/02/2015 21:46

Think he's due around 10 Calzone

Is there any way you could talk to your mum tonight? Could she come over to be with you? Is there anyone else you trust to tell/stay with you tonight?

We're all holding your hand sweetheart x

cremeeggsdidrock · 06/02/2015 21:55

Oh gosh sending an un-mumsnetty hug what an arsehole that's unforgivable! good luck thinking of you

SocialMediaAddict · 06/02/2015 22:59

Hope you are ok. What a shit.

Original poster

redrooms · 06/02/2015 23:46

I'm ok he denied it. He is gone don't know where.

Thanks for being there.

OP posts:

Star8369 · 06/02/2015 23:50

some of these men who do this shit are unbelievable aren't they? even with concrete evidence in front of you they still deny it

Allalonenow · 06/02/2015 23:58

Feel so sad for you, knowing how much it all will be hurting you.
It will be better for you once you have told your Mum.
Hope you get through the night OK.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 07/02/2015 00:07

He denied it? Cheeky fucker.

Auburnsparkle · 07/02/2015 00:07

So sorry. You are very brave to get him to go - well done.

HootyMcTooty · 07/02/2015 00:11

So he can't even apologise? Well done for getting him to go away.

I hope you have some RL support.

Ohfourfoxache · 07/02/2015 00:38

What a tosser

You sound absolutely amazing btw. Level headed and so, so strong.

Get as much support as you can. Build your defences. HE is he one who did this, not you. You can hold your head high and he can crawl into the gutter with the rest of the filth. You deserve better.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/02/2015 00:49

So he denied it. Exactly what I'd expected him to do.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. But you'll come through it all and be much happier down the road.

See a solicitor asap. Don't make any quick decisions. Breathe.

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