9 years together and no real proposal which is bugging me now!!

[zippyone]

Hi, we have been together for 9 years, we have a daughter together who's 5 and I have a on from a previous relationship who is 10. I am 35, he is 34.

He did ask me to marry him (on a whim, we were drunk!) after we were together 2 years, then changed his mind within a few weeks!

Since then not much mention except after our daughter was born - he brought it up but no real proposal. Well that was 5 years ago now!

It has not really bothered me until now, now I actually really do want to marry him so have dropped hints but think I may need to spell it out in clear words? Is that too pushy? I want him to really want to marry me though not just because I asked, I don't want to ask! Should I just wait? If so how long?

Hi Zippy,
That's good news! The Greek island wedding will be lovely, and poignant for you too. However I think (not sure) you also need to get legally married in the UK, so you might as well book a good-looking registry office for next month; there are some (Brighton has one, as does Islington), and book a nice restaurant for you and your witnesses, and get the legal side of it sorted out sooner.

I think it is a bit too late for romantic gestures when you live together and have a child. If you can parent together, surely you can just talk to him about the practicalities of marriage?

Cos that is all it is, after all, practicalities.

You are not really that old fashioned if you have two children outside marriage. That is pretty modern!

Charley No we do not need to get married in UK then Greece, just need the documents translated into Greek.

Quintless Maybe old fashioned was the wrong choice of words - romantic more like.

Have just looked at the statistics and 47.5% of children were born outside of marriage in 2012 - this is expected to be over 50% by 2016 - so not really that uncommon.

I do find it odd that couples who have been together years, maybe own property together and have DC(s) even think in terms of a 'proposal' Surely it's more a matter of discussing at some point (ideally before you have the DCs) whether you envisage the relationship being for life, and if so, whether marriage is an important part of the equation . Marriage (before children though I know that's quite an old fashioned view) was important to me , but you need to ask yourself why you want to be married . And if it is a rational thing, then raise it with him . It could be that he really doesn't want the fuss and expense of a full flown wedding but would be happy to be married
I agree wholeheartedly about looking at your financial arrangements, wills, guardianship for your Dc(s) , especially if you decide not to marry.

Should have read whole thread first . Would comment only that I have never met a man who was that bothered about the 'how' of getting married . Most just go along with the bride?DH 'pushed' a bit for a 'proper' wedding as he'd been married before (full works) and didn't want me to feel I''d missed out. He'd have been OK with a ladder and Gretna Green . (Though he did say to a friend on Sunday that he'd enjoyed our 'do'. I'm amazed he can remember much about it as it was a very long time ago)
Good luck OP I hope you get your romantic ceremony in Greece . Finish your degree first and 'worry' about it after

Thanks Postchild Yes he has pretty much said that I can choose 'how' we get married and just thought £10k was what was needed for a wedding and that family would expect a traditional style of wedding. After telling him (again) that it is not my cup of tea I suggested we get married in Paxos while on holiday and people come if they want - he was very happy with that idea!

Yes, even just looking at stuff briefly today takes time away from study - must not get distracted!

Basically I am happy that we have talked about it properly and we have an actual plan now instead of a vague notion.