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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

the worst MIL thread you've read

147 replies

thisismypassword · 21/01/2015 21:01

What's the worst story about a MIL have you read on here? What were her antics? I read another thread that mentioned that there are some awful stories here on MN. Just wanted to know what they were? Alternatively, what about DILs... are there any stories that you've read on here which have shocked youm it's such a tricky relationship sometimes.

OP posts:
Meerka · 23/01/2015 08:13

yep you can walk away from work colleagues. But a MIL ( or DIL), you're forced into close contact with when you maybe only have -one- thing in common: the man. Bound to be friction

Therés plenty of only so-so mothers out there, when a stranger comes along and is forced into close contact with them they see with fresh eyes and can't walk away.

Plus ofc what's been said many times, often its a matter of different styles of parenting, the MIL very aware of her own experience and trying to communicate it, sometimes not giving the new partner/mother space to find her own way. And the DIL wanting to establish their own style of parenting and of being a wife.

livingzuid · 23/01/2015 08:14

I think the dynamic changes when you're pregnant and I'm finding it a learning curve. And my MIL is nice. Nice people can still be a pita!

This was exactly my experience. A very nice lady turned into an overbearing opinionated nightmare who talked continually about taking the baby away and doing what she wanted with it. In the end I stopped going round. DH and FIL were Shock she turned into a complete bitch at home to the point where FIL considered divorce. It is better now after DH gave her a complete bollocking and continues to pull her up if necessary, but still very awkward sometimes (yesterday I just picked up dd and walked out). And all because of the onset of impending grandmotherhood/being a grandmother.

No, of course not all MILs are nasty but some are. I have seen a few dil threads that made my hair stand on end too.

livingzuid · 23/01/2015 08:16

Plus ofc what's been said many times, often its a matter of different styles of parenting, the MIL very aware of her own experience and trying to communicate it, sometimes not giving the new partner/mother space to find her own way. And the DIL wanting to establish their own style of parenting and of being a wife.

Yes this is it too. Much better put than me meerka Grin

InnocenceAndExperience · 23/01/2015 08:24

I think lots of women struggle with the change in family dynamics - Mils and Dils. Especially when the first baby comes along.

FishWithABicycle · 23/01/2015 08:33

My MIL is lovely, and is entirely bonkers in utterly harmless and often benevolent ways. I love reading dreadful MIL threads as it reminds me how lucky I am on the occasions when the bonkersness gets wearing or exasperating.

StockingFullOfCoal · 23/01/2015 08:36

My exMIL is mostly a lovely brilliant hands on (but not too much) Grandma. Very grateful to her as I am NC with my own (abusive) mother.

However. I did screech at her on one particular occasion. DDs were 2.5YO and 6 weeks old. I left them with their father exDP for 2 hours whilst I nipped to see a close friend of mine going through an horrendous divorce - husband left her for a 20 year old (they were in their mid 30s) totally out of the blue. Dinner cooked in the microwave ready for him to heat up but nope he wanted a take out so he left our babies alone for 20 mins to get one, this was apparently okay because they were asleep Angry Needless to say I kicked him out there and then.

ExMIL babysitting a few weeks later whilst I did the food shop. Eldest DD hit youngest DD on the soft spot when I got back so I picked her up and moved her away and explained why she should not hit the baby. For some reason this made ExMIL explode and tell me she was ashamed of the way I was raising her grandchildren and I was an awful mother for kicking her son out. She said that I was overreacting to him leaving them alone and that I shouldn't have nipped out without my kids. I ended up telling her to go home and finish raising her man child of a son who thought it okay to gamble our savings away, gamble with his wages putting our home at risk, who thought it okay to cheat on pregnant girlfriend and leave the kids alone and then decide he couldn't be arsed with family life and then come back and tell me how to raise my children.

Chunderella · 23/01/2015 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Meerka · 23/01/2015 09:03

wow stocking that must have been some row. Must have taken a while for you both to move on from it!

Longtalljosie · 23/01/2015 09:16

I'm always confused by threads where there is a genuinely unpleasant MIL when people come on and say, "I have sons and I find these threads so upsetting". Why? Are you planning on calling your DIL, currently in reception somewhere, a cow? Or being horrid about her feeding choices? Or running off with her baby the moment they visit and insisting she sits in a different room? Or letting yourself into their house with your key and removing your GC's clothes? Because if you are, yes there will be a problem. If not, chances are you'll be fine...

Bumbiscuits · 23/01/2015 09:19

I remember that one, chunder. Awful.

You made a good point about a lot of MIL or indeed just IL complaining posts, the issue is not with the in-law it is with the DH allowing certain behaviours to continue without supporting the DIL.

everygalaxy · 23/01/2015 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

drudgetrudy · 23/01/2015 09:57

The relationships thread is for mutual support. OP does not say that she has a problem herself.
Another person here wondering why she wants to know bout the "antics" of other people's MILs (or DILs for that matter).-and why people are responding to her.

BaldHedgehog · 23/01/2015 09:57

Thread where OP and her DC was chucked from MIL's house on Christmas Eve when her DP went to hospital. MIL's reasoning- they were not married so she was not her family. Can't remember if the kids were allowed to stay.
Another MIL from hell- OP has lost 2 babies, one of the was born prematurely when OP was hit by the lorry and went into labour too early. MIL called on the morning of her DC funeral and told her son (OP's DH) off for being sad.
Vile, vile people out there!

Hakluyt · 23/01/2015 10:17

"the DH allowing certain behaviours to continue without supporting the DIL."

So the Dh has to support the DIL regardless? Hmm

Hakluyt · 23/01/2015 10:21

"MIL's reasoning- they were not married so she was not her family. "

Utterly awful. Completely unacceptable behaviour.

Think about that every time somebody asks why someone should be expected to engage with their in laws because they aren't family..............

livingzuid · 23/01/2015 10:47

So the Dh has to support the DIL regardless?

Erm well yes if those behaviours are unacceptable. He is her husband. Equally if he feels his wife is being unreasonable then the DH needs to address it as well. Often it seems neither happens and everything is just left to fester.

Sadly MN is also full of stories of men who have not cut the apron strings and the wife is left dealing with bad behaviour from both (the antiques one I remember being appalled by). Is it a reflection of the majority of the population? Probably not. But it does go on and the husband has to assume a large proportion of responsibility.

AmantesSuntAmentes · 23/01/2015 11:01

My mil tried to hit me, when I was pregnant with my first. My sil threatened me when I had just (literally just) had my second. The ex was equally as nasty. They were all as mannerless, undignified, stupid and vicious as each other.

At the time, they all had me doubting my own sanity. I was young and alone. I hope I'm a decent mil, when the time comes! That's the thing - it'll be us one day Smile

workhouse · 23/01/2015 12:13

Well, as a mother of a son, I have learned a lot from my MIL - about what NOT to do when, or if, I ever have a DIL.

Hakluyt · 23/01/2015 12:32

I think it's interesting that it's only men who are expected to "cut the apron strings".............

TheComfortOfStrangers · 23/01/2015 12:35

Jamesand... I am sorry you had that experience with your MIL. I agree that her behaviour was inappropriate.

The point I didn't bother making properly was, though, that there are two sides to each story, and we can't just jump onto the bandwagon of supporting what an anonymous poster - a stranger - says.
On this thread, people are recounting the stories of others... people they have never even met before, who may have been exaggerating, may have hairy hands, and assuming its veracity. Silly.

Far worse though, is that this is dedicated MIL bashing thread. Why? There are bad, selfish, controlling, vile, whatever people of both sexes, whatever their relationship to us is. Or not. Why this concentration on our husbands' and partners' mothers? Fair enough discuss a difficult MIL (or other relative) when the need arises, but a MIL bashing thread and subculture on MN?
I find it as distasteful as the old jokes by those 70's comedians about Irishmen being stupid and Scots being mean.

This is MUMsnet, a support site for parents. MILs are mothers too.

livingzuid · 23/01/2015 12:37

hakluyt that's just your assumption, hardly fact.

Chunderella · 23/01/2015 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Meerka · 23/01/2015 13:13

We do only get one side yes, completely agree there. There are sometimes specific incidents that, if accurately related, can be very revealing either one way or another. But often all you have to go on is what's said.

I came to the conclusion that all we can go on is the OP's post and unless there's something specific that you can immediately say No, she's being unreasonable, that the post has to be taken at face value.

At least if someone is feeling that they aren't being treated with respect there is a problem -somewhere-. That could be really a problem or it could be a matter of perception. But again, all you can do is go on the original post.

I suppose really I push for mostly speaking out if there's a problem and trying to resolve it. If not possible, then to set reasonable limits. If those limits are not respected then to cease contact.

everygalaxy · 23/01/2015 13:38

I don't have a problem with all MILs - in fact my DH has a wonderful one Grin
I suppose the reason why I post on here is that I can vent enough to stay calm when I have to spend time with her in RL and it helps to know I'm not alone because my friends are all lucky and have lovely MILs
I don't dislike her because she is my MIL - I dislike her because she is selfish and a truly nasty person but I can't avoid her because she is married to FIL.
I feel like I need to defend myself now - I can't help it that she is so horrible!

NanaNina · 23/01/2015 13:42

Chunderella You say

"The DH has to support the DIL when the MIL is being a twat hakluyt, yes. Or alternatively, not support her and also be a twat himself"

BUT we only have the DIL's perception of the MIL being a twat and maybe, just maybe some DH's can actually have their own valid perception that their mother is not* being a twat (hate that word) and maybe it's the DIL who is in the wrong..........can happen you know.

  • there's a DIL on another thread criticising her MIL for putting on FB that she is missing her new grandson (firstborn) and hasn't seen any pictures for ages. A spiteful response from another DIL "Oh that would make me only send her pictures once a month" How easy is it to send pics on FB FGS.

No one has responded to my Q about whether anyone has ever seen or would respond to a new thread called "Tell us your worst mother/father/sister/aunt/daughter/son/SIL/cousin etc stories" And yes Hakyult you talk good sense and WHY is it only sons who and their mothers who haven't "cut the apron strings" - never heard this remark made of a mother and daughter.