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Original poster

Revenge on the other woman

126 replies

Tryingtostaycalm · 19/01/2015 16:21

I know revenge is bad for the soul etc etc. but I really need to have some. My husband cheated on me with a woman from his office for at least six months until I found out. They denied everything (and I caught it in the early stages of sexual contact I think) until I found more and more evidence. The other woman then proceeded to call me and tell me I was to blame, and it was because I was a rubbish wife. This is a woman who had just been cheating on her own husband (she has two kids, as do I).
Whereas I might normally let this go and leave it to karma, the fact that she was so vindictive and bitchy has made me really set on getting some kind of revenge on her. It has to be legal though as her husband is a policeman - and he doesn't know (he is violent and I didn't want him coming to my home looking for a fight). My husband and I are trying to work things out, even though I still haven't forgiven or forgotten what he has done.
Any ideas? Apart from 'let it go'? Because I can't.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tryingtostaycalm · 19/01/2015 16:50

Only1scoop my husband told me - clearly could be a lie - but one look at his twitter feed confirms it, there is some odd stuff on there. I don't believe he hits her.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 19/01/2015 16:52

"But what kind of woman tells another that their husband's affair is their own fault?"

Ever heard the saying 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'? She had six months with your husband. Who knows what he promised her? Who knows what he told her about you and what kind of terrible wife you were? 'My wife doesn't understand me'... and worse. Maybe she saw him as the way out of her violent marriage and got her hopes up?

She could just be a nasty piece of work who likes going around making other people unhappy but I would direct the questions a bit closer to home if I were you. She's angry.. you're angry... the common denominator is the spineless twunt wearing your wedding ring....

YoullLikeItNotaLot · 19/01/2015 16:52

I'd be pretty pissed off that my lying fuck of a husband had also denigrated me to this woman to justify his shitty behaviour. Why else would she think you were a shit wife unless he'd told her that?

Original poster
Tryingtostaycalm · 19/01/2015 16:54

Agree the husband is a total arsehole

OP posts:
Original poster
Tryingtostaycalm · 19/01/2015 16:54

Mine, that is

OP posts:
scallopsrgreat · 19/01/2015 16:55

Your problem isn't her. It is your husband. He is playing the two of you off against each other.

Get angry with the right person and personally, I wouldn't risk putting another woman in danger from a violent man.

rootypig · 19/01/2015 16:56

The best revenge is to live well.

Try to lift your head above the shit they've dumped in your lap and decide what you want from your life. Then go and get it! Every thought you spare her is a waste of your time.

Only1scoop · 19/01/2015 16:56

I'll bet he did....'her husbands violent'
I can just imagine. Bet he is bricking it.

Are you all the 'terrible wife' that she threw at you? No of course not.

And where did that originate.

Your Dh.

Don't believe all he tells you.

And for your own sanity I'd refrain from Torturing yourself reading Twitter feeds etc.

QuintlessShadows · 19/01/2015 16:57

Maybe her arse of a husband will beat the crap out of YOUR husband if you tell him. Might be well deserved, if he is playing you and her up against eachother.

Nolim · 19/01/2015 16:58

If you can't let it go then find a way to let it go. Get therapy, punch something not someone, dump your spouse.

Jan45 · 19/01/2015 16:58

OP, if you are staying with him so he can help pay the bills, maybe you need to look into finding a place for yourself, that you can afford without that twats money.

QuintlessShadows · 19/01/2015 16:59

Actually, her husband may not be violent, your husband may just be manipulative, maybe he reckons you wont tell him if you think he is violent.

If he is lying about you, he may be lying about more. And her husband deserves to know.

Joysmum · 19/01/2015 17:00

Oh dear.

He's probably told her allsorts to justify his part in the affair and she believes him.

This is your husbands responsibility, nobody else's.

I find it odd that you feel that strongly that you want revenge against her but are happy to stay with him for his money.

GoatsDoRoam · 19/01/2015 17:01

She can think what she wants : she will anyway, and your "revenge" won't change that.

Your husband is the one who fed her those hurtful lines, though. Take it up with him.

Justwanttomoveon · 19/01/2015 17:02

I totally understand that you want revenge, you want to see her suffer. I was exactly the same when my ex-twunt left for ow. I didn't do anything, I never contacted her or him for that matter.
10 months on, I feel karma did its thing, she's stuck with him now, he's still a twat and from what I hear, he treats her even worse than he did me.
Everyone is right though, your husband did this to you, he was the one who made vows to you and broke them. Focusing all your anger on her maybe stops you thinking about his part in it all. Can you really forgive him for what he's done? Will you ever be able to truly trust him again? Staying for financial reasons, to me, is not a valid reason to continue the marriage.
I hope you get some counselling and realise you deserve so much more.

DrMorbius · 19/01/2015 17:02

You have a weird view on life, perhaps you need to re-evaluate your priorities!!!!

Your cheating husband sticks his d**k in another woman for 6 months and you take him back. The OW phones you once and she is the focus of your anger.

"she stuck the knife in and made it ten times worse", really!!!!! So her action is ten times worse than your lying, cheating husbands.

BuzzardBird · 19/01/2015 17:05

Bet your husband told her a lot of stuff;
You're a lousy wife,
You don't keep the house clean,
You cheat on him constantly,
You haven't had sex in years blah, blah, blah.

She wouldn't have phoned you and said that if she wasn't damn sure she was correct would she?

Your anger is definitely being aimed in the wrong direction.

MaryWestmacott · 19/01/2015 17:24

Hmm, she's got a violent husband, but didn't call you to beg you not to tell him, but to goad you and wind you up further. She's got a husband any 'normal' woman would be terrified of, but she's not afraid of further inflaming the situation by insulting you and making you angry at her.

I'm calling bollocks about the violent husband. or rather, I'm calling bollocks that the OW has to fear his reaction - she is not acting like a woman in an abusive relationship who was looking for an exit route. Your 'D'H might well have a lot to fear from the OW's husband finding out, but her, nope, don't believe it, or rather, she doesn't believe she has to worry.

Calling you does make her seem like a woman scorned, that your DH has been filling her head with lies, convincing her that you are so terrible and of course it's perfectly natural that someone in such a 'terrible' relationship would stray, gosh what a saint to have put up with you so long... Hmm so she's angry now, because she had a relationship with your 'D'H based on his lies.

To me, it sounds like your DH is trying to keep a lid on it, reduce the damage he's caused in his own life. Right now, it's just you that knows, he's not having to deal with his OW's marriage breaking down, it's not public, he doesn't have to worry about the fall out at work from having an affair with a colleague, a lot of companies have policies against relationships in the office, and even those who don't, it could make him the office joke...

MyRightFoot · 19/01/2015 17:33

im a huge fan of revenge as i believe it gets rid of a lot of that anger that takes over ur life. however it should be done with a cool head. have a chat with ur hb and get him to talk honestly about her, ie 'she didnt mean a thing, its you i want, ur a great wife'. all the while taping this surreptitiosly on ur phone. then send the recording to her. then dump ur husband. and tell her shes welcome to him.

queenofthepirates · 19/01/2015 17:43

very old fish in a jiffy bag
Knock yourself out here www.mastersofrevenge.com/generalrevenge.php

Personally I believe in a good bit of revenge, it will knock some anger out.

QwertyQueen · 19/01/2015 17:44

My favorite saying (coming through a similar situation to yours):

"Kill them with success,
and bury them with a smile"

Being happy, not bitter, moving on - those are the things that will drive her batty!
I thought of all sorts of revenge too, but ultimately decided that them having each other was the best revenge - there will never be trust in their relationship. Yuk.

QwertyQueen · 19/01/2015 17:45

oh no, now I have seen the website!

MaryWestmacott · 19/01/2015 17:47

Oh and I would tell your DH to tell her you intend to let her DH know. Let's see how much the pair of them panic. You don't have to actually do it, but a bit of fear might be a good thing, for htem both...

Only1scoop · 19/01/2015 17:51

If your going to tell her Dh I would give Zero warnings whatsoever.

pinkfrocks · 19/01/2015 17:52

The longer you think about this woman and concoct some revenge schedule, the worse you are going to feel. It will feed on itself. If you really want to do something sit down, right a long letter to her , be as abusive as you like- then tear it up or burn it and let the emotions die with it.

She's not worth your energy.

On the other hand, if you ARE just staying with your H because he pays the bills then maybe that needs thinking about- and maybe, just maybe, she hit a nerve with what she said about you? I don't know- you may be a great wife but your efforts ought to be in investing in your marriage- jointly- not looking to your DH as someone who pays the bills.

Maybe that was said as a joke.