I want to read the messages on his phone.

[FastWindow]

Nutshell, if I can. I made a decision, thought he supported it. Tonight he said 'you were a bit harsh.'

Regardless of my decision. I would have thought a husband would back up the wife? And if he didn't, he has had a week to discuss and/or disagree. Im a little sad to find that he thinks I'm being 'harsh'

Well, that's it. Hard times.

Can you please explain a litter more?

Hi Joan. Sorry for being so cryptic! I'm in a really bad place. Fell out with a friend, but my DH seems to be on her side. It's breaking me a little bit tonight as I assumed he supported me, as you would.

It's hard to explain sometimes. what happened between you and your DH?

Maybe I should be in aibu... Should ones DH support one thick and thin?

What happened with the friend?

I have never before thought to read his messages. But today, I want to check. To me , that seems like a deal breaker. Haven't gone there yet, but he is snoring, and I could.

Nothing adulterous, no salacious stuff :) just a really unexpected car crash and I'm still reeling. I'm strong and sure that I did the right thing for my children and myself - but I think my DH is still talking to this woman, and thinks I'm wrong.

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

Yes, probably. Sorry. I don't know how to nc, but I'm so sad at this point. I really need someone to talk to.

I've had so much fun on mn. This the first time I've needed real help.

No blind support isn't something to expect just because you're married. He is his own person and is entitled to his own opinion. Talking to her when you've decided something is difficult though, I wouldn't venture an opinion without knowing more I'm afraid.

I know. Oh, fuck it. Here's the thing, and I need the help more than the fear of outing. Let me just formulate it rather than the shit drip feeding I've been doing. Sorry all, I do need a hand.

OP you're going to have to start at the beginning and tell the whole story.

I think I get you. You and a friend had a falling out. Your DH initially seemed to agree with you, later he said you were 'harsh'. You think a spouse should always side with their spouse. You want to read his phone messages because (I assume) you think he's been in touch either with her or has been discussing this with someone else?

1. No, I don't think a spouse should always support a spouse, no matter what. Not saying you did, but sometimes even the best of people get something 'wrong'. I'd expect my DH to pull me up on it if he thinks I'm being unreasonable whether I agree or not. My DH, on the other hand, thinks like you. That I should support him 100% even if I think he's being a knob. Makes for some interesting discussions at times.

1. I wouldn't go behind DH's back and check his phone messages. But I would have a frank discussion and ask him if he'd been in touch with 'friend'.

I can see that you are very emotional over whatever it was that happened with your friend. I think a bit of it is spilling over onto your DH. Maybe you should give things a day or two to calm down and then reevaluate if your DH's disagreeing with what you did is really a 'deal breaker'. Abuse, infidelity, financial misdealings; those are deal breakers. Disagreeing with how I handled even a massive problem with a friend; not a deal breaker.

A good friend of mine went ballistic at me. Unjustified. I apologised anyway, because I hate bad feeling and I'll pretty much apologise regardless. But on reflection I think she went way beyond the pale. Cut a short story short, I've stuck to my guns, but a week later I find my husband thinks I'm 'harsh'. This woman made me cry with her unexpected verbal attack- I don't expect that from a friend. Hence me cutting her off. Should i expect DH to back me?

What did you both say?

I'm so thankful for your replies.

Joan, i saw a message. Now I feel like a part in a Jeremy Kyle episode. Which is why I'm posting here, really, because I'm not the text checking type. Hence the op title. Should I be damned, right now, and get his phone?

Depends what your friend went ballistic about really. Does she think you are in the wrong? Does you husband think you are in the wrong? Could you be in the wrong?

Can I be nominated for the worst informative thread ever?

What did he text her?

yep haha

Chill and e plain. You're clearly upset. What does it matter what I think? If I can help you make up with them I will.

If you will all bear with me (raaggh) I will try to put it succinctly.

Lost a week's sleep over this but still think enough is enough. Hope those of you that search posters will see I'm not a raving lunatic (well not usually, only on Friday)