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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Divorce and house

126 replies

Workitbabe · 14/01/2015 14:20

Hi all. Bear with me, as this is long.

Stbxh and I in the process of divorce. He wants me to keep the house for the sake of our 2 children. Currently both our names are on the mortgage, but he is not paying anything - I pay half and my new partner pays half.

Understandably dh wants his name off the mortgage.

Not sure what to do. This is where it gets tricky. I don't think I earn enough to just have my name on the mortgage, and sadly my new partner is on a debt management pay back scheme (bloody ex partner never paid him back 40k after a failed business venture) and has a low credit rating, so will probably not be able to get a mortgage, even though he can well afford it.

So, any ideas what my options are??

My friend mentioned that when her friend was in the same boat, she had to get her Dad to act as a guarantor.

Any help would be greatly appreciated, as I am literally sick with worry.

Thanks

OP posts:
ToastedOrFresh · 21/01/2015 03:44

He took out the second mortgage to pay for the other property that he's moved into. Sneaky conniving get !

Now he's said, v. graciously I thought, (sarcastic) that you can have the house and he wants his name taken off the mortgage. I bet he does.

Is his new house mortgaged ? Or did he buy it outright by ripping off the existing marital/family home's equity ?

Does it sound like he's walking away from paying back the mortgage he took out by offloading the house onto you ?

He's just grabbed what he could so he did not have to wait until the divorce was finalised to get the financial settlement. Instead of arguing over the division of assets, there's just the division of the debt to sort out.

He's screwed you over. Don't let him rob you blind either.

rootypig · 21/01/2015 04:01

OP what is the £10k that you owe STBXH?

My guess is: he remortgaged for an extra £109k (£287k less £178k). House valued at £425k gives you remaining equity of £138k. So the solicitors think you should pay him the difference (in fact this would be c£14k) so you each walk away with roughly the same equity? does that sound right?

If so, the problem with this is that his equity is now your debt i.e. you've effectively bought him out without knowing if you could finance it, and you're left with the cost of the bigger loan and possibly moving as a result. While he's had the privilege of cutting his cap to his cloth.

He would no doubt argue that he's not screwing you (before all this there was £247k equity in the house, and he's taken less than half) but he's not being fair.

Kitsmummy · 21/01/2015 06:25

Also how much maintenance is he paying you? He's not paying any mortgage, I wouldn't be surprised if he's not paying enough maintenance either.

You do realise that as the primary carer you will be entitled to more than 50% of everything? Any good solicitor will start at 70/30 and you may finish at 60/40. I'm sure your life/earning potential is much more compromised than is his by you being primary carer for the children

Kitsmummy · 21/01/2015 06:35

And if you're forced to sell as you can't afford the house you'll probably have massive redemption penalties, estate agent fees etc etc so there may not be as much equity as you think

CitySnicker · 21/01/2015 08:11

Sounds like u owe 50k's worth of his new house then, no? Did u not have to sign for this £109k to be released?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/01/2015 08:47

I think rootypig has nailed it.

Stripyhoglets · 21/01/2015 09:08

Ow much could you borrow on your salary? Have a look at wether there are houses in the area you could afford to move to. It's alright Ex saying he wants you to keep the house but if you can't afford it in your name only then it either stays as it is, or you move somewhere you can afford. He's moved loads of the equity Into his new place and left you with the mortgage.

tipsytrifle · 21/01/2015 12:31

I'm no use at all with the money side of things but just wondered a couple of things. XH owes new DP 40k? And has taken out a huge amount of new money on marital home to finance his new place?

I can't help but feel that you've both been well stitched up.

rootypig · 21/01/2015 13:03

You've only beens stitched up if you can't afford the loan. Though he is a cheeky bastard to double it, then want his name off.

However, the alternative would have been a forced sale to realise the equity. So if you're attached to the house, you may prefer the way things have gone?

Agree with pp, you don't want your DP on the deeds. If you need a joint mortgage, see an excellent solicitor to protect your equity. ALL of it.

intlmanofmystery · 21/01/2015 13:04

Entitled?? My understanding is that you start at 50:50 and then make adjustments depending on the number of children, their ages and where they are living plus respective incomes. OP, please be aware that if you and new partner are living together then his income will also be counted as part of the calculation.

This sounds complicated - suggest you get your solicitor up to speed and full disclosure from exH ASAP.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/01/2015 13:25

The OP's new partner's income has no bearing on either the division of marital assets or the child maintenance due. If the OP were to try claiming spousal maintenance (increasingly rare) the income of a new partner would be taken into account. Child maintenance is usually calculated as a percentage of the disposable income of the NRP.

Simile · 21/01/2015 13:40

You need another solicitor. One that can sort out this mess. Find a good one, he/she will be worth every penny.

It sounds like your ex is basically getting you to pay for his house, getting you to give him £10k for the privilege then making you move.

You need to stop this asap.

Simile · 21/01/2015 13:42

If the children are living with you then you are entitled to a 70/30 split of the assets.

He is not being "fair" by offering 50/50 in this instance.

intlmanofmystery · 21/01/2015 13:45

Yes correct, however if there are mortgage payments to be made and OP is seeking payment from exH towards this (which she may well do as he has increased the loan) then this is just an additional complicating factor. It is currently still his debt as well not just hers. This is a complex situation and its hard to deal with everything in isolation.

Interested to hear that spousal maintenance is becoming rarer? Haven't seen that trend myself.

Original poster
Workitbabe · 21/01/2015 16:10

Solicitor booked for next Wednesday. stbxh getting concerned I think as I emailed his solicitor and told her to hang fire.
I know I am naïve re the mortgage - I should have been more astute, but I am where I am.
The children live with me half the week, so 50/50 split.

Its the income bit that winds me up most. We agreed that I would work part time to be the main carer when dd1 was born c 12 years ago. His job involved a lot of work away (Europe), and he earned much more than me, so was a no brainer. He has seen his career leap forward and he is on 4.5k a month plus bonuses. I am on £10k per annum!!!

He pays £800 per month for our dd's, and until dp moved in was paying all the mortgage.

I will be interested to see what happens next week.

Thanks all for your comments.

OP posts:
springalong · 21/01/2015 16:36

I got spousal maintenance but fuck did I have to fight hard for it. But we had a medium term marriage, long relationship and my highly paid career was also fucked to bits by children. Whereas my ex is well into 6 figures. If your oldest is 12 you are probably in a similar situation.

So agree with the others - your ex is going to look after himself without regard to you at all. Keep DP out of your finances - my barrister talked to me about a "man of straw" - I told him the mumsnet alternative - he loved that :) But you have only known him a year?? Just be careful.

Original poster
Workitbabe · 21/01/2015 18:45

Yes oldest is coming up 12. I know a year doesn't seem long, but I trust him implicitly. I will just have to see what happens next week.

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 21/01/2015 20:01

Hang on a minute...

Your boyfriend earns £70K a year yet he's on a debt management plan and has poor credit rating, because his ex didn't pay back £40K?

He's moved in with you so no rent to pay.

If he's on £70K something else has gone on for him to arrange a DMP and screw his credit.
Be very very careful there isn't a second man on your life raising red flags all around with regards to money!!!

And as for your solicitor...
I am astounded that they've advised you take on the house with a £10K income and not discussed a Mesher order with you.

You need to STOP, and go back to the drawing board.

With 50:50 care you're not even entitled to child maintenance. Spousal is rare, but not unheard of, and certainly a bigger share of equity to balance things out.

Please don't tell me (and you're going to, aren't you) that you don't have a Pension Sharing Order either? Confused

Original poster
Workitbabe · 21/01/2015 20:37

Cabrinha, DP pays half of the mortgage, and I pay the other half. He also pays half of all the bills. So, not a free ride.

I have had a lump sum in relation to ex's pension.

OP posts:
Jackiemagazine · 21/01/2015 20:50

I don't understand how you didn't know your ex was remortgaging for that amount - surely you'd have had to have co signed the paperwork for that to happen?

Original poster
Workitbabe · 21/01/2015 21:04

Jackie, I have been racking my brains to try and recall ever having a conversation about the amount. And I honestly do not recall it. I also do not remember signing anything. I went through old emails, and I had sent an email to him asking if he wanted me to sign anything, and the response was that he had not been in touch with them at that stage. And that is it.

OP posts:
nauticant · 21/01/2015 21:30

I have had a lump sum in relation to ex's pension.

Does this mean you've had a partial financial settlement in advance of a full and complete financial settlement and in advance of the divorce being finalised?

This whole thing sounds remarkably unclear.

Original poster
Workitbabe · 21/01/2015 21:40

Yes nauticant. That is exactly it.

OP posts:
hotcupofjoe · 21/01/2015 21:46

If the children are living with you then you are entitled to a 70/30 split of the assets
That is not the case. The courts will decide how to split the assets so that the needs of the children are met in the first instance. If that can be achieved by an equal split, then that's what will happen. There is no set formula because each case is different and all circumstances are taken into account.

nauticant · 21/01/2015 21:50

Is there any reason why you're doing this in a piecemeal way? Do you think it might be better to get a full and complete financial settlement taking into account all aspects?

If you're going to do it piecemeal then you need to be very much on the ball and getting very sound legal advice.

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