Wife having an affair, feeling a bit helpless.

[Brian12345]

So me and my wife (Married 8years, together 9) have had a pretty crap last 12months to be fair, lots of stress and moving house etc etc etc. There have been a few times she has actually said she wanted to split up, and quite a few times we have seemed to have turned a corner and everything has been great. I have been worried quite a few times that she might have been depressed, but have always been told in no uncertain terms to "Stop talking S###", and that it was ME she was unhappy with, nothing else. Even though on several occasions she has disclosed a LONG list of things she is unhappy with, missing friends, family, arguments with family etc etc.
For the last few months I have been doing just about everything around the house, trying to communicate with her, trying to tell her how much I love her, but it's been like talking to a brick wall.
I found out last week that she has been having an affair (for a few weeks), she "doesn't love me", she "loves this other bloke", and wants me to leave.
I have been out of the house nearly 2 weeks now, and have found out from the kids that "Mummys friend had a sleepover" and they all went out for the day last weekend.
To say my head is in bits really would be an understatement.
We've got 4 children (4, 6, 11, 14), and while things have been crap with money, we've been neglecting each other and taking each other for granted, I'm CERTAINLY not claiming to be an angel, but things were FINALLY looking positive, with several aspects of our lives, and I had been trying to show her just how much I do love her, but now this.
I have suggested counselling (Got no reply) and would be willing to try just about anything, and I just don't see giving up on my family as an option.
Am I wasting my time, or do couples come back from things like this??

I think thats about it for now.

I do not agree with the wife's behaviour. I don't think she had a right to kick the OP out of the home when she is the one who had an affair, and she certainly shouldn't be having the OM in house or around the children so soon.

With that being said - it does sound like she tried to make it clear a very long time ago that she wanted the relationship to end, and you did not take her seriously, and even blamed it on mental health issues rather than listening properly and taking the necessary action to break up in the right way. If one person wants to end the relationship, there is nothing you can do about it except to move on.

All I suggest now is to try and deal with the breakup as amicably as possible and proceed with the children's best interest at heart. Although I realize this may be difficult given how things have now escalated.

And definitely seek legal advice.

She wouldn't pass a credit check because the business is nearly 2 months old and not making money yet.
If she had wanted the relationship to end a long long time ago then why were we still sleeping in the same bed until boxing day, and sleeping 'together' until October, we were still talking about buying a house together in November.
I have taken legal advice, and basically we will split anything we have bought 'Together', which isn't actually a lot, just a house. My other property has alwsys been solely in my name.

If you are married, anything you have is a marital asset.
Even it it's just in your name.
I'm assuming your solicitor has found a way around this with your property?

It doesn't work like that in Scotland, 'Marital assets' are just that... things you have acquired SINCE you've been married.

Oh yes - Scotland is a whole different ball game.

It certainly is, which will hopefully work in my favour and minimise any additional damage to me if thats the road she try's to go down.