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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Planning on going to the police tomorrow....

105 replies

Darcey2105 · 13/01/2015 23:19

I've been in an abusive relationship for 10 years. I've left 3 times, filed for divorce and everything, but still not managed to break free.

He just grabbed me by the throat and threw me across the kitchen. I'm planning to go into our local police station tomorrow and tell them, just to make the point more than anything.

And really to show to myself that I'm dealing with it, and not ignoring it.

What can I expect when I go into the police station tomorrow, and what should I say?

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 13/01/2015 23:34

Personally, I'd phone 101 now. 999 if he's still there with you.

Rollercola · 13/01/2015 23:41

Please call the police now. The next time he does it he might kill you. This is very serious indeed, the police will remove him and you can then decide what to do. Please try to be strong and leave this violent, abusive man. Do you have any children?

Paddleslowly · 13/01/2015 23:44

Please call the police right away

Mmmbacon · 13/01/2015 23:44

Ring 999, you have no idea what is going to happen over the next 10 hours, get yourself into safe plave

Original poster
Darcey2105 · 13/01/2015 23:46

Yes I've got 2 children. He's gone to bed now then he's up early for work. I think I'll be ok.

OP posts:
SingingSands · 13/01/2015 23:50

Will you go tomorrow? Or will you get up, see to the children, house, work, etc etc and push it back?

Do it now. The police are available to help you right now.

Flimflammer · 13/01/2015 23:54

Call 101 and let them decide if it is OK to wait till tomorrow. Is it 2 women a week killed by their partner? Don't wait OP.

Flimflammer · 13/01/2015 23:56

If a stranger in the street grabbed you by the throat and threw you around you would recognise that it is a crime. Please call them now.

BuzzardBird · 14/01/2015 00:02

You have 2 children in the house with a violent man. Phone them now, please. He might not touch the children but what would happen to them if he really hurt you?

There is no time like the present. Give you and your children the 'present' of a better future, now.

MyRightFoot · 14/01/2015 00:08

u will b asked to make a statement and asked if ur prepared to go to court. he will b arrested and questioned. he may give a plea or not. what do u want from this?

Lweji · 14/01/2015 00:12

You must be in pain and, if not yet, you will have visible bruises, so, you should also go to the doctor (emergency GP or A&E).

Then contact WA for help.

Then start the Freedom Programme.

SnapeChat · 14/01/2015 00:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RaspberryRuffle · 14/01/2015 00:21

Darcey, would it be easier for you to phone and ask to speak to an officer who specialises in domestic violence cases? Not sure how it works, they may even come out to see you?
Please do this tomorrow, don't think this is the last time. Flowers

cottageinthecountry · 14/01/2015 00:23

He JUST GRABBED YOUR THROAT AND THREW YOU ACROSS THE KITCHEN

Report it now or get one of us to call if you are scared.

BuzzardBird · 14/01/2015 09:10

Are you ok Darcy?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/01/2015 09:25

"What can I expect when I go into the police station tomorrow, and what should I say?"

Call 101 and ask to talk to someone in the DV unit. Tell them you wish to have your husband arrested for assault. It can't stop at 'making a point' with violent criminals, they have to be removed and prosecuted for your own and for your children's safety.

Original poster
Darcey2105 · 14/01/2015 09:31

Hi there,

Thanks for the advice about phoning to ask for the officer who specialises in domestic abuse cases. That made it a lot easier for me to approach the police.

I phoned 101 and told them what happened, they are sending an officer out to meet me within the hour.

The trouble is I've had to take a day off work to deal with it. I'm glad I am dealing with it, but this is a new job I just started last week.

I spent 6 months looking for a job, after I have left the last two high paying jobs I had, mainly because I couldn't manage living with him, looking after kids and a stressful job.

The difficulty is in leaving properly. I have left on the spur of the moment 3 times, only to end up homeless twice. Once when I still had my stressful job, and I was looking after my baby, and we were both homeless and I had to arrange emergency childcare. And the other time when I was pregnant, in another stressful job and looking after a toddler, and we were going from house to house with a bag.

I'm determined this time to get him out my house for good, so I don't need to run anymore.

OP posts:
newyear15 · 14/01/2015 09:46

I am so glad you are seeing the police today. Please tell them everything from the past too - not just last night's incident.

BuzzardBird · 14/01/2015 09:49

Well done Darcy. Have you contacted Women's Aid?

Lweji · 14/01/2015 09:49

I like the sound of you.

The police will help, but do get in touch with WA (for general support) and NCDV (for emergency injunction).

Work should be supportive, particularly if it means that you'll end up with a higher chance of sticking with it in the long term. Have you told HR or a line manager in confidence?

You can do it.

Post away when you need.

BuzzardBird · 14/01/2015 09:50

women's aid

Original poster
Darcey2105 · 15/01/2015 17:41

Well they insisted my husband spent the night in the cell, but he wasn't charged in the end.

I feel totally drained, but the support I got from the police was amazing. I've told so many people about how awful my husband is, all my friends and family, and his family know in great detail. I've been to about 6 different counsellors with and without him, and told them exactly what he's done and what he's like, and I've been going to my Gp for 6 months to talk about it. But everyone just pulls a sympathetic face and that's it. It was so gratifying to see the police take everything really seriously. I was met by a domestic abuse support team who were amazing, and as the police questioned me I was basically raising every red flag in the book.

All his behaviour fits their worst profile, so the sergeant said regardless of whether I wanted to take it further or not, they were going to bring him in, as too many red flags had been raised.

I'm glad that decision was taken out of my hands as I didn't know whether to ask them to bring him in.

He spent a night in the cell but was released without being charged. Things are fine at home. I think it's given him the message not to mess with me.

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 15/01/2015 17:43

Sorry OP, do you mean your husband spent a night in the cells and is now back at home with you and DCs?

Do you think a night in the cells will stop his violent behaviour towards you?

BuzzardBird · 15/01/2015 17:44

You haven't let him back home have you OP? :(

CCL1967 · 15/01/2015 17:47

Sorry but I don't think the police were that amazing if they didn't charge him and they let him go back to you!!

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