The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Starting the New Year in Fine Style

[venusandmars]

Hello, I'm Venus, and standing in for Mouse (who usually starts all our threads)

This is a safe and welcoming place for anyone who is facing up to a problem with alcohol. It may be something you’ve known for years, or it may be that struggling with dry January has made you re-think your relationship with drink.
Anyway, welcome old and new, lurkers and posters. It can be a weird thread at times – travelling on a bus called Gerald.... he takes us up and down and this wondrous land, searching high and low for Babes in need of some support, a warm place to sit and chat, and to have someone to listen to them.

So, grab a seat as we swing by your way. There's lots of hot drinks, food and fleeces, places to just be and places to sit around and chat if that's what you want.

We don't judge, because we've all been in your shoes, be they stilettos, wellies or crocs!...

We're just us, we're just honest and we just do what we can to help, if we can, when we can. If you find all the banter off-putting just jump in with a cry for help.

And HAPPY NEW YEAR xxx

Here is the very first, emotional thread if you would like to see where this all started

Our most recent thread, if you want to catch up

obrigada at your weight loss!
sorry...congratulations, babes!

obrigada you go girl, a tip from me, stay away from oat biscuits xxx

Thanks babe, am sure it's purely water I have lost, but a loss is a loss

Note to self ... take tip from Baby stay away from oat biscuits !

obrigada I have 2 stone to lose and the only way this is presently possible is to self amputate one of my legs, I have given this careful consideration and it seemed useful as I could no longer get to the fridge discreetly for wine as hopping would be a tad more obvious but I have considered it a bit extreme!!! I would however like to buy your 2 pound loss from you for 2 pounds, No? Oh well back to plan a, eat less, move more blah blah blah xxxx

Evening all. Pleased to say that the Gin & Tonic Genie (subbing for WW) did not follow me home, though I am now thinking about oat biscuits I will resist, however - I got My Fit Pal today, and I'm finding staying under the limit incredibly motivating - I've got 160 calories left for the day that I'm saving for a hot chocolate later.

So Obrigada, I bow respectfully to your 4lbs, go you!

Baby I haven't tried Rescue Remedy I think I will give it a go. As you say, the anxiety is exhausting.

Khalisi - I raising a glass of morello cherry cordial for a virtual 'clink and cheers (prost? it's a very long time since I was last in Germany) with you. You'll soon be back to double figures!

Hello to all the other Babes, come out and tell us how you are

ma let me know if you want any of my posts deleted, I will ask hq x

sweet well done for resisting the G&T grotbag and the allure of the heavenly oaty biscuit, you are clearly a gal of immense strength!!! I'm sure the rescue remedy will help, try and get the Dr Bachs, its on Amazon.

Hope everyone is having a good week, remember we're here for the good, bad and the ugly, Group Hug xxxxx

Evening Faire.

Hugs back at you, Baby. I went one better on the resisting this evening. DH poured himself a Magarita, and I didn't even drool. I actually was not interested, a month ago I'd have drained the bottle!

Need to go and put the heat pad in for the bunny, it's going to be a cold one.

Thanks faire its ok
Will just be a bit neutral from now on. Am ok. Thinking a lot.
But ok.

Night everyone, sweet dreams

Ma - are you okay? What have I missed? PM or text/fb if you haven't gone public and want a tiny furry ear..... xxx

Hello all! 'Tis me, Mouse :)

What have I missed? x

mouse ! Great to see you! How are you doing?

Hi, everyone. Sounds as if most people have had a good day! That's ace.

I've been a bit up and down - didn't sleep so well last night (I knew telling you lot would curse it ) and have been starting to feel angry and resentful that I have undertaken this huge task, of staying AF for...the foreseeable future. I just want to be able to drink a glass of wine like a normal person, just because it's the evening and it's a nice thing to have in the evening. I don't like it being off limits. It annoys me. I want to skip this tedious drying out business and get straight to the bit where I learn to drink like a normal person again. Ie one glass of wine once or twice a week...

Ok. It felt good to get that out. Need to stay focused and not rationalise the real situation away. Remember where I was this time last week - crying myself to sleep after my DH said he would take our children away if I didn't sort my drinking out.

Hmm. Sleep time. And then just keep going, one foot in front of the other, hope for a better day tomorrow. Night, lovely people.

I need to get some stuff out. Am on day 29 of dry Jan, which I am really pleased with but I feel like a castaway, sprawled on a beach reaching towards a glistening bottle of water. Except it is not water and I am not parched. I am dying for a drink, have bought a voucher for the liquor store, am imagining the first glass...then another... I am fixated and counting down.

I recognize this is not at all good, I am justifying it with how I have earned it, proved I can quit if I want to and other platitudes but I have a nagging certainty that once the lid is off the box I will soon be back to old habits.

I really want to drink, I would like not to want to but I do.

I read a story from the big book (still have it on loan from the library) and the story was about a man who did quit on occasion on his own but it never lasted that long before he returned to old ways. His story was not learning how not to drink but learning how to deal with being sober. It rang a few bells but I also held onto things like 'oh, I don't drink spirits, I haven't been hospitalized, I am not a man!' So it's not me AT ALL

It seems old saggy WW is alive and well and enjoying the Canadian weather . I may need to stab her with a big icicle.

I feel a bit better for getting that all out. Thanks for being here Gerald and all who ride on him!! Xx

Morning All.

Sober, don't think about 'the future', think about today, and think about your lovely DC and DH. For now, you are not a 'normal' person, you may never be. We're all here for the same reason, and lot's of us have had those same thoughts "I'm a grown up, I should be able to . . . I wanna!" but of course the 'grown up thing to do is not to pick up that glass. I have been there lots of times - I've given up for a few days, a week and had those same thoughts and given in to them, but I didn't have to face the immediate consequences the way you are. You are strong, and if you look back at your posts for the last week, you will see how positive you have been - and you have been enjoying it. This feeling will pass {hugs}.

Beaches, you've done brilliantly - I'm imagining a combination of the shower scene from Psycho, and Frozen - screeching violins whilst you tussle with WW, all the while belting out Let It Go! (But in more sensible cold weather clothing). This is the problem with DJ though, there's a finishing line - and we're conditioned to getting a medal - is there some other reward (as well as the feeling better, sleeping, getting things done and satisfaction in knowing how much your rejuvenated liver loves you?) you could have?

It is day 30, and last night, DH remarked that it was the end of Jan this weekend (smart man my DH). ButSunday will be day 32 for me. I am only just beginning to get enough clarity to deal with the issues the booze was helping me to hide from. I do get little panics about the idea of NEVER again, but then I shake myself and think about RIGHT NOW.

Have a good day everyone. Three cheers for Gerald and the Babes.

Morning All Lovely Brave Babes

Sweet I hope you're feeling less 'coldy', you sound really positive and I'm full of admiration for you

Sober Babe you are doing really well and I ditto all that Sweet said, Stick with it, one day at a time and be kind to yourself, can you treat yourself to something lovely (beauty treatment, clothes, makeup, a good book) with the money that you've saved from not drinking? Keep on keeping on YOU CAN DO IT

Beaches flower, Babe I can so relate to everything you said, I love Sweet's vision of Psycho and Frozen (with thermal underwear under your ball gown) I actually crave for drink too and have completely failed with DJ I am on day 2 again today I'm using the anniversary of sad times as my excuse I seem to need a 'reason' to drink, not good I have no real words of wisdom BUT YOU HAVE DONE 30 DAYS which is awesome and if you can do 30 you can do another 30, think of Soc and all the other Babes who have got to over 100 days!!!!! if you put your mind to it you could do it. Why not work out some treats for you and only you, as your reward like the glass project (how's that going by the way?) Try and have a good day pumpkin

Morning babes,

beaches I think many many people are on the final countdown so you are not alone. I think our emotions about drinking again depend on WHY we stopped. For most of the country DJ is just a gentle detox after Christmas, for some a boost to weight loss, a minority will have a niggling feeling they are drinking too much and so are proving they can go without. Sadly, there are people like us, who for whatever reason are worried enough about our drinking habits to post on here, that makes us different, we are not one of the millions of people who will have "a glass" on Sunday, the consequences may be far reaching and the emotional turmoil that glass represents is gonna be different for all of us.

For me, I will be sober on Sunday and Monday and every day thereafter, the stakes are too high, I think faire said, it's really just the first glass you need to worry about as it dictates what comes next.

All that said, there will be millions of bottles of wine going through the checkouts of the world this weekend and for most it will cause very little harm to enjoy that cold, crisp Chardonnay on Sunday, then pop it back in the fridge and forget about it.

I guess the big question is can you do that??? I know I can't and that's why I won't!!!!
Luffs ya girl xxx

Morning babes, another AF free night - think it's Day 13 and tonight I will not be drinking . I am a binge drinker and have no off button so at the moment I am avoiding situations (namely visiting friend) which usually end up in me downing copious amounts of wine and/or spirits, hence the urge to resist having a drink is lower. How long I can keep this up I have no idea - but for the moment I am not going to worry about that, I am just going to take it a day at a time.

Thankyou so much, Sweet and Spanna. I value everyone here's support such a lot. You're right - one day at a time. I actually pre empted some of your advice by going and buying myself some new clothes last night And they were bargainous, and beautiful, so very happy.

One week AF now. I'm pleased with myself. This is the longest stretch since probably this time last year, when I was co sleeping with a newborn so too knackered and afraid to touch a single drop!

Baby you are so right about the different perceptions of DJ, for me, it was an easy (ish) way to get started without the rest of the world looking askance and judging. And just like you, I can't have that first drink because it would be the last.

Brilliant, Obrigada very nearly a fortnight.

Sober new clothes will make you feel just as good as a glass of vino, and will last much longer, even better that they were a bargain!

I just spent a whole £3.99 on myself in a charity shop - I found a really pretty broach to hold my many shawls and scarves in place whilst I stomp up and down imparting my wisdom on reluctant students.

And, I became a step-grandmother again last night! (I need to say that DH is quite a lot older than me, otherwise it feels a bit Jeremy Kyle!)

Evening babes

congrats sweet. Hope the baby lives close enough for cuddles.

I am 265 days AF today. I just wanted to give my thoughts and very minimal and recent experience on this whole 'forever' thing to those of you who are worrying about it. I was absolutely terrified about not drinking 'forever'. And the mere thought of that is one of the causes for me continuously relapsing. Because what's the point in not drinking if I'm just going to end up drinking again anyway. So I had the whole mind fuck going on. And I didn't (still haven't) dealt with never drinking EVER again. Jesus that's a big ask.

All I can suggest is don't drink. Don't worry about the never never. It may never come. For those of us with issues and problems and lives that need fixing and families that need us to stop, we just need to stop. Deal with the 'never drinking again' another day (like never).

Because it actually just fades away into the background along with all those other alcoholic noises and voices and WW. Now when they pop by in my head it's not nearly as strong or as stressful to deal with them. Half the time I think a thought along the lines of "oh, a glass of wine would be SO nice" and then a few minutes later I realize that it's passed without any real effort. But it takes time. Just time and abstinence.

I'm still totally and utterly happy to be sober. Best thing I've done.
xx

Morning all. I woke up tired and have downed two pints of water in case I was dehydrated; not from alcohol, I can be a bit forgetful with drinking unless it's alcohol. So just waiting to feel the benefits .

I have weighed myself and have lost 5.10 lbs since 6th December . It feels like a slog but my fitness pal app has been the help I needed cos basically I was just eating too many calories before ; I know that is obvious but it is easy to lose track of what I'd eaten

I have also spent some time this morning reading my old posts from Dec 2010 . I cannot believe it was 4 years ago and I remembered how helpful I found this thread but for some reason I just gave up with posting and reading.

This time I'm going to stick around . Think I had less access to the internet as I now use my phone so can pop in when I have a spare minute. I also found having 2 young dc's really really tough; a lot because of the sleep deprivation.

No excuses now then

Get, all any of us can do is one day at a time and you are doing brilliantly. As you said you are a long way forward than you were this time last week.

at buying new clothes

Sweet congrats on becoming a step-grandmother again x

spanna I'm so sorry you have so much on your mind, when did the little lad die? Was that the anniversary you referred to? Your friend is clearly grieving in a very angry manner, my dd is 4 and I cannot Imagine the pain of her being taken from me, it makes my chest tighten just typing it. You are a dear and lovely, special person so I guess all you can do is reach out to your friend like the wonderful spanna you are. Xxxx

sober sounds like you and I are on the same shaky peg!! Don't let your mind play tricks on you, I've done it too many times, feeling great after a week, memories fading, family life resuming, surely I can have the one on a Friday night them BANG, miss the sat morning kids activities, feel shit so nip up to shop for a mini bottle for a wee charge, then when dh nips out belt back up for bottle to hide for reserves. Fall asleep guilty and pissed and wake up and do the whole goddam thing again.

I shudder to think about it now, so take it from one who knows, stay sober and stay strong and know your not alone, I'm 5 weeks sober today and it's amazing, no dread, self loathing, no shouting, no nausea, no despair.

Hang tight babe xxx

Beaches did you just climb inside my head and write that post for me?? It says perfectly and exactly how I feel. Chuck me an icicle and we'll form a mini-ice army against that WW.

I am going to try to keep going on beyond DJ but I am worried that I will find it harder. At the moment its very easy to say 'oh, I'm doing DJ' and people shut up and don't question it. But how to explain Feb? I know I shouldn't have to explain it, etc etc, but somehow I need to have a mantra. I guess it will be 'oh, I felt so much better in January as a result of not having a drink that I thought I'd carry on for a bit into Feb'. But even that makes it sound like I have a 'problem' (which I do, though (a) I don't call it that and (b) I don't want anyone to know). Hmm. Well, one day at a time. I haven't really told DP about the extent of my issues with/concerns about alcohol. We had a brief chat last night about a weekend away due for Feb and he said in passing 'oh, but of course you can make an exception and have one drink then'. But I know I can't have one drink and I know if I do then that is it - I'll have lost all the impetus of the preceding AF days and be back to a bottle or two a day. I am working up to telling him, I think. I need to. But I will try to get through the first couple of weeks of Feb first.

Spanna I am so sorry about your friend, her child etc. How awful. So hard for all of you.

Mouse lovely to see your furry nose poking back on the board, hope you are ok.

Sober - amazing, you should be so proud, a week is fab and SO hard to do. I think it is at about that time that the novelty slightly wears off, the boredom 'is this it, then, for ever??' kicks in and the temptation really starts to weasel into your head. I know you will stay strong. Like the sage and lovely Sweet says, treat yourself to something (mind you, I have nearly bankrupted myself with treats this month, I have overspent my wine savings in triplicate. Not sure the treat mentality is great long-term psychology but it sure is a great boost at the time!). And yay, Sweet, on your step-grandchild - many congratulations and hope all is well.

Fight on, babes.