Xenia - your point about medication is well made. However, it took me (and my psych) about 4 or 5 goes to find this particular combination of pills for my depression and to be really frank with you, my depression can be life-threatening and so in my books, retrieving my libido is further down the scale of importance! Plus I believe that most ADs have some sort of impact on libido.
Joelallie - you're right. After a long time together (18 years in our case) the shine does wear off a bit. It is a continuous effort to keep the relationship going - not in a negative sense, although I know that "effort" sounds awful! It's just that a good relationship doesn't happen without attention being given to it, without consciously deciding to give and take, without remembering that it involves "through thick and thin, sickness and health etc etc" (I can't even remember my marriage vows now!!!!!) It doesn't mean that we don't love each other (although there have been times.....) it just means that the initial fervour, all-consuming desire for each other, wears off after time. I think if a couple can work through life's ups and downs together, then it is amazing but it doesn't necessarily come easily.
When we have one of our fairly frequent discussions about our mismatched sex drives, my DH often points out that he desperately wants me to want him. He wants me to 'throw myself at him, rip his clothes off and drag him to bed'. This is where I find it difficult. To do this I have to be acting. I have to pretend that I'm full of desire for sex with this man. To me this is deceitful. I don't want sex with him. I don't want sex with any man at all - it's not that my DH is unattractive, it's just that no-one floats my boat. As I said earlier I usually enjoy sex when we have it. And I know that it must be difficult for DH having to initiate sex all the time. But I have drawn a line at pretending that I'm desperate for sex, and so we have agreed that we can have 'every-day' type of sex - when he'd like it, I don't particularly but will oblige - and that is that.
We can have great sex and there are times when I do desire him it's just very rare! We went away for three nights last year (without children, of course), stayed in a fab hotel in a fab location and had great sex, the swinging from the chandaliers (sp?) type. Would I have had such a good weekend if we hadn't had sex? Yes frankly. It doesn't make or break my enjoyment of life. (DH was ecstatic though )
I think there is a huge amount of pressure on women to think sex, be sexy, dress up provocatively - all of which I can do, and I'm sure others can. There is a lot of discussion from theoretical viewpoints - the feminists, those on their high horses etc. There is b*gger all frank discussion about living with mismatched libidos etc and the day to day impact on our lives.
I'm not sure what point I'm making really so I'll sign off now and make some coffee!