Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

If refused sex, does your DP/DH....

110 replies

poppiesinaline · 16/10/2006 18:15

go into a bad mood? I said 'No' to DH last night and now he isnt talking to me This is a common occurrence. His silence can last up to 2 or 3 days - like thats going to make me give him what he wants!! NOT!!!!

Does anyone elses DH/DP do this. Just wondering if this is normal behaviour?

OP posts:
Munz · 16/10/2006 19:07

not really a chore once you get goin thou I find it's just the start bit to get going! lol.

NotQuiteCockney · 16/10/2006 19:12

Hmm, I agree that getting started is often the tricky bit ... but if I felt I was going to be judged (and perhaps awarded with a "mood") at the end, then I probably wouldn't be interested at all.

(I don't think it's entirely reasonable to expect them to be subtle about going off for a w*nk ... I mean, if they're turning you down, then going for a wank, that's one thing, or if they're not being subtle wrt children or visitors, but otherwise, well, nothing wrong with them sorting themselves out, surely?)

Philomena · 16/10/2006 19:21

If refused, my DH gives me a big kiss, a cuddle and turns over and goes to sleep. I'd be horrifed and upset if he sulked for days on end. Bad behaviour, I think.

kama · 16/10/2006 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

poppiesinaline · 16/10/2006 19:25

can we swap Philomena

OP posts:
poppiesinaline · 16/10/2006 19:26

I have to say, I do feel like he is behaving like a spoilt brat.

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 16/10/2006 19:26

Dh is fine about being refused, although he does then try every night until he gets what he's after. He doesn't sulk - and to be honest if he did I would dig my heels in even further. I don't reward my dd for sulking or throwing a wobbler, I'm not about to start rewarding dh for throwing one!

By saying that "you know what to do" to stop his tantrum he's blaming you for his behaviour, which isn't on really. I'd hate it if I felt forced into sex just to stop dh behaving badly. It would make me feel really used, and wouldn't do much to get me in the mood another time.

ginmummy · 16/10/2006 19:30

You have enough on with the children sulking when they don't get their way without your partner going all huffy when they don't get sex when they want it. Sometimes you're just not in the mood and it works both ways - surely there have been times when you've felt frisky and he's had a headache?

I'd tell to go f**k himself, literally! Or put him on the naughty step until he stops sulking!

drosophila · 16/10/2006 19:36

A friend if mine is going through this. In addition to this he wants her to dress up for him and role play which she is OK with but not terribly keen. They always have sex at the same time every week and sometimes she dreads it but I think ALWAYS grits her teeth and does whatever he requests.

ginmummy · 16/10/2006 19:37

drosophila - do you know me??!!

phew · 16/10/2006 19:37

dp says he's fine, skulks off to watch porn and for next few days, 'accidentally' breaks plates, doesn't wipe skid marks, makes sarky comments. Ah the joy of passive agression. [sarcastic emoticon]

dmo · 16/10/2006 19:46

sex should be fun
dh knows now if pj's are on there is no chance
he does sulk if i lead him on and then let him down (didnt know kissing was leading him on)

Greensleeves · 16/10/2006 19:48

HC you are funny today, you keep making me snort

ginmummy · 16/10/2006 19:58

It used to be in times of old that if a man was in the mood for some perfunctory sex then he would leave the top button of his pyjamas undone so as his wife would know that he was in the mood.

Glassofslime · 16/10/2006 20:06

I rarely refuse, but I do sometimes say before we've even got into the bedroom "Don't even think of having sex, I'm not in the mood" - he usually agrees or laughs.

Judy1234 · 16/10/2006 20:15

I'm not sure I was always asked which in some ways can make it easier.

sandyy · 16/10/2006 20:36

my sisters husband does this.
Really annoys her and makes her feel even less like doing it.

VanillaMilkshake · 16/10/2006 20:58

When I say no to DH he goes all quiet and makes me feel guilty - although he doesnt stop talking or go on and on about it. But I still give in

When I have wanted it and he has said no (is this normal) I just lie there feeling frustrated! And he falls asleep!

Double standards methinks!

lazyanna · 16/10/2006 23:51

Ha.

dizietsma · 17/10/2006 14:24

Oh. My. God.

I cannot believe that some of you have sex even when you don't feel like it to please your DH.

Perhaps I'm just terribly niave, but I personally would feel hideously violated if that happened to me. My body isn't my husbands property to be used at his whim!

Sometimes DH does get a little grumpy when I turn him down, but that's his problem. There's no way I'm going to let the dynamic in our relationship be perverted that way, and I think my DH agrees with me because when I press him about stopping his pouting he always apologises.

This makes me think of Ida Craddock , a woman who in the early 1900's was campaigning for womens sexual freedoms (albeit in a rather odd way) who recounted a story told to her by a midwife about the horrors of sexual relations between married couples in her time-

"The patient had been greatly lacerated in delivery. On the second day after delivery, while the nurse was attending to the baby, the husband entered, and requested the nurse to leave the room. "For God's sake, nurse, don't leave me!" exclaimed the sick woman. But a look from the husband caused the nurse to obey him, nevertheless. Shortly after, she heard her patient scream, "Oh, he'll murder me!" Whereupon the nurse found the husband in the act of committing rape upon his wife. The nurse seized his arm and endeavoured to pull him away; but he did not yield until he was ready, when he allowed himself, sullenly, to be led from the room, covered with blood. The wife meanwhile had fainted. When she recovered, she cried, "Oh God, would tht my baby girl and I would die! That man promised me on our wedding day to honour, love and protect me; but every night since then he has used my poor body!"

OK, it's not as extreme a situation, but the power imbalance is the same, i.e. the premise that my wife's body is my property and I'll use it when I want. I thought things had moved on a bit in this country and I'm saddened to hear otherwise.

Flamebat · 17/10/2006 14:35

How odd.... DH doesn't do anything, just accepts it and rolls over. I do the same if he turns me down (unless I'm ovulating then I hassle him for aaaaaaaages and tell him he's being mean )

Judy1234 · 17/10/2006 14:55

"I cannot believe that some of you have sex even when you don't feel like it to please your DH".
I don't see anything wrong with that at all. When you love someone you do things for them and that works both ways. I expect I'm in a minority of 1 on this though...

northerner · 17/10/2006 15:16

FGS, ridiculous comparison there by dizietsma

happyatlast · 17/10/2006 15:20

I do the same, if my DP wants sex and I can take it or leave it then I'll do it to please him and also once I start doing it I get into it, so I dont mind, its just that initial decision on whether to keep watching Coronation Street or shag.

northerner · 17/10/2006 15:22

Men are simple creatures, my Grandma always told me 'service your man everyday and he'll make you happy in every other way'

Swipe left for the next trending thread