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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dh visiting hook-up sites.

95 replies

cakewitch · 12/01/2015 16:59

Dh left his phone at home today. It rang, and I missed the call, so I opened it up and found he's been visiting those sites where you can hook up for no strings sex. Scrolling through the history, and it would appear that this isn't just a one off. Am absolutely stunned. Wondering what to do next. Obviously I'm going to tear a strip off him when he gets home, but what do I do then? He's going to try and wriggle out of it, I know. He has a history of lying about stuff, but never given me cause to think he would be unfaithful. Advice needed urgently.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 12/01/2015 17:16

How exactly could he wriggle out of it, unless you have already decided you are going to swallow a pack of lies ?

he has form

he is a skank

there is nothing more to consider....exit the relationship as he clearly cannot be trusted

and get an sti test

Only1scoop · 12/01/2015 17:20

He can't 'wriggle out of it'. You've seen the evidence.

Get checked out for sure.

Sorry this is happening to you.

Life is much more pleasant minus a lying deceiver.

HootyMcTooty · 12/01/2015 17:21

Firstly, take screen shots of the search history and send them to yourself, because it's all getting deleted once he's aware you've found it.

Are you sure they're not just pop ups? Do his emails show that he's active on these sites?

You need to be sure what you want to do with regards to the relationship before you confront him, because once the cat is out of the bag he'll promise never to do it again. The problem you have with this is you'll never know whether he's stopped or whether he's just learned his lesson and started to hide his activities better.

If I were you I'd just put the phone in front of him with the search history showing and let him do the explaining.

Jan45 · 12/01/2015 17:25

Yuck, nice man, sorry but he's been cheating on you, what else is there to believe, whether it's online only or in real life he's gone behind your back in the most horrible way possible.

And yes he will deny it all, probably say it's not him etc, etc....we've heard it so many times on here.

Regardless of what him or any of us tell you, you know he can't be trusted, why would you want to be with someone who doesn't hold you and him as exclusive?

Joysmum · 12/01/2015 17:25

Also try going into the data section and take screen shots of all the data used and then check up on any your spidey sense is tingling about.

JoanHickson · 12/01/2015 17:28

What's so great about him, that makes you want to stay?

26Point2Miles · 12/01/2015 17:31

What are these 'hook up sites'?

InfinitySeven · 12/01/2015 17:31

Prove it to yourself, then.

Tell him that you answered his phone today and saw that he visited XXX site last night. Then be quiet. He'll probably tell you it was a pop up. When he gets bored of that lie, or spots that you aren't buying it, he'll tell you he visited it because a friend sent it to him, or he found a link. He'll say it was just the once, and he wasn't looking. Stay quiet. He'll keep digging. Eventually he'll say that maybe he visited it more than once, or maybe he had to make an account because he couldn't see the pictures without one, but he was looking for a friend. And then maybe he was looking for him, but he was only going to wank, he wasn't going to meet them...

And in the 30 minutes he takes to do this, you'll see how much he lies to you, and how little you mean. And then you can walk.

Or you can walk now, and save yourself the hassle. I would.

JoanHickson · 12/01/2015 17:39

Hooking up is a term used in MIC, meaning having sex.

Is there someone in rl that can give you a hug op? You deserve better than a partner who treats you like this.

How do you know he lied about other things?

Original poster

cakewitch · 12/01/2015 17:47

He said it was a pop up.

OP posts:

InfinitySeven · 12/01/2015 17:50

Give the man an Oscar. How imaginative.

Has he gone?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 12/01/2015 17:50

A pop up? On his phone? Come on, don't be a mug.

Original poster

cakewitch · 12/01/2015 17:54

Well.. Could he be lying? I don't know enough about these things to be sure. I know he visits porn sites, he said these things just pop up. I've hit the roof with him bigtime. He's still adamant that he's done nothing wrong. When I went into the site, it brought up our home town.

OP posts:

26Point2Miles · 12/01/2015 17:56

Did you check his email??

Original poster

cakewitch · 12/01/2015 17:57

Shit. Never thought of that.

OP posts:

MaudieAtkinsonsGardeningHat · 12/01/2015 17:57

He's not even original!

I've never had a pop up like this. I was even on match.com for a while, it's how I met DP and I've still never had a pop up like this. Not even once.

He's lying me thinks

JoanHickson · 12/01/2015 17:59

Why hit the roof?

A gave excellent advice in your first response.

beautyfades · 12/01/2015 18:00

Iv never had anything like that pop up. He's lying. You must know that.

HootyMcTooty · 12/01/2015 18:02

Is it in the search history or was the page just open. If he visits porn sites I believe these things do pop up all the time, even if he has pop ups blocked. If he hasn't switched off location services then it probably will populate the site with your town.

The problem is, if he had visited these sites willingly, he'd have said exactly the same thing - oh it's just a pop up.

Have you checked his email? Is he being cagey with his phone now?

rosiepinkcheeks · 12/01/2015 18:04

I don't know about pop ups either. Can you log in to this site using his email address. If he has an account then you can ask for the password reminder to be sent to you by email.

newyear15 · 12/01/2015 18:05

He's lying. Sorry. What are you going to do. Pack his bags, make him leave and get yourself an STI test and a lawyer?

HootyMcTooty · 12/01/2015 18:08

If it's a pop up he should be able to replicate it by showing you the website he was on, when he opens that website, the pop up will appear again.

If it genuinely is a pop up I guarantee that the site he visited is either a porn site or a torrent site.

rosiepinkcheeks · 12/01/2015 18:10

I would second going for STD check up. He may not have actually DTD with anyone. Accessing sites does not prove he's had sex. But better to be safe than sorry.

Only1scoop · 12/01/2015 19:27

If a pop up Op.... Which I am doubting in this case....

Data used would be minimal tiny amount.

Cabrinha · 12/01/2015 20:02

Tell him not to worry that you're not convinced him that it's a pop up. Tell him he still has:

a mate sent it to me for a laugh

to use, and if he really needs it

I was hacked!!!

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