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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Tell me, should I go on another date with this guy..?

120 replies

AWholeLottaNosy · 11/01/2015 21:38

I had a date last night with a guy i met on PoF. Although it started off quite well, as the evening went on I started having serious doubts about this guy. Just wanted to put it down here to get a bit of perspective. Please tell me whether you think I should see him again...

So on the plus side, he bought be a nice box of handmade chocolates ' to say thank you for meeting me', seems to be a kind person, has 5 rescue dogs, told me a story where he gave a waitress a £30 tip as a group had done a runner and she told him that the loss would come out of her wages so he gave her the money to help make it up. He made me laugh, is intelligent and rang me later to make sure I got home ok.

But...he was 4 stone overweight ( by his own admission and definitely a lot heavier than his profile pics )

Told a sexist joke about Edwina Currie, " what's the difference between Edwina Currie and Tasmania? Everyone knows it's there but no one wants to go there.."

Constantly interrupted me, drinks a lot and smokes a lot.

Pulled a face when I said I did yoga and pilates and called me a 'hippy'

Said that in his 30 years working as a journalist that yes you can judge a book by its cover. ( and made lots if assumptions about things throughout the evening)

I had been shopping earlier and showed him my purchases, I'd bought 2 DVDs, 'Blue Jasmine' and 'Before Midnight', he looked at them, sneered and said 'chick flicks' dismissively. ( they're not)

I had also bought 'Two Brothers' by Ben Elton, he looked at it and just said 'no'.

He admitted he was sarcastic but I found his sneering, opinionated, contemptuous attitude towards things he didn't agree with increasingly exhausting as the evening went on.

Finally as we left the restaurant and walked up the slight incline back to the station, he had to keep stopping as he was out of breath/ in pain. ( he's 54). This is despite him saying he'd like to go walking in the Scottish Highlands, play badminton and tennis.

When we got to the train station there was a 15 minute wait and he spent the time mocking the young late night revellers. It was funny but mean spirited.

There was other stuff but basically I think he'd be really hard work to be in a relationship with. Would be good fun as a friend as he's entertaining but I don't think there would be anything more. He's called me 3 times today but I haven't answered as I needed time to think about it.

Just wanted to write it down and see what other people thought...

OP posts:
Catypillar · 11/01/2015 21:40

Nah he doesn't sound very nice at all!

desertmum · 11/01/2015 21:41

he doesn't sound like a great catch tbh - the smoking and drinking a lot would put me off. Don't sell yourself short - there are some lovely men out there, hold out for one of them.

MMcanny · 11/01/2015 21:41

Did you 'fancy' him?

Bluetonic123 · 11/01/2015 21:43

I think you know the answer here.

AWholeLottaNosy · 11/01/2015 21:44

Did I fancy him? If he had been slimmer then yes possibly. Think his huge gut would get in the way though. But it was more than that, it was his jaded cynical approach to life that was the most unattractive thing about him and the fact he thought he was right about everything.

OP posts:
Romeyroo · 11/01/2015 21:44

No

chemistc · 11/01/2015 21:45

No way.

MiniTheMinx · 11/01/2015 21:45

The fact you have to ask implies it really should be a no

MothershipG · 11/01/2015 21:46

If you read through your post the negatives outweigh the positives by a mile, and remember usually on first dates people are showing their best behaviour. Do you want to see him again?

Personally for me the drinking and smoking would be a deal breaker.

AWholeLottaNosy · 11/01/2015 21:46

Hmm I thought that would probably be people's answers, just needed to double check to be sure...

OP posts:
PurpleSwift · 11/01/2015 21:46

Personally, no way. He doesn't sound nice at all.

Funkywotsits · 11/01/2015 21:46

No..go with your instincts..too many doubts and he sounds a bit of a dipstick!

poocatcherchampion · 11/01/2015 21:46

What is making you think maybe?

waitoverthere · 11/01/2015 21:47

If you're having doubts already imagine what'd it be like six months, a year, five years from now. Those little things that niggle you would turn into hugely irritating things, and they aren't the type of things that are likely to change.

You can do better OP.

AWholeLottaNosy · 11/01/2015 21:47

Thing is I do drink and smoke too but trying to cut down and being with someone like that would make me worse.

OP posts:
StormBraver · 11/01/2015 21:48

Nope! Impressed you made it to the end of the first date, to be honest. I'd have been out of there.

IsabeauMichelle · 11/01/2015 21:48

The fact that he's getting on your nerves after one date.... It's not going to end well, is it?

AWholeLottaNosy · 11/01/2015 21:49

Thanks all I am aware of 'red flags' but he was the first person I'd met online in ages that had a brain and was funny and left wing.

Oh God he's just called me again...

OP posts:
borisgudanov · 11/01/2015 21:53

No. Obvious twat.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 11/01/2015 21:54

I'd say no. Reason being he sneered at everything you do or like - your choice of books, DVDs and exercise activities were all sneered at. He sounds unlikeable tbh.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 11/01/2015 21:55

Forgot to say, if you are reacting to him calling in that way, it's a pretty good indicator you aren't interested. If you don't want to see him again just drop him a polite 'thanks but no thanks, good luck' text, then move on.

GlitteryLipgloss · 11/01/2015 21:56

Next!!

AWholeLottaNosy · 11/01/2015 21:56

Oh well at least the chocolates were nice! Smile

OP posts:
GlitteryLipgloss · 11/01/2015 21:57

Did you let him down gently OP? Smile

AWholeLottaNosy · 11/01/2015 21:57

Should I give him the feedback as to why I don't want to meet again? ( ie what I wrote in my OP)

OP posts:
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