Tell me, should I go on another date with this guy..?

[AWholeLottaNosy]

I had a date last night with a guy i met on PoF. Although it started off quite well, as the evening went on I started having serious doubts about this guy. Just wanted to put it down here to get a bit of perspective. Please tell me whether you think I should see him again...

So on the plus side, he bought be a nice box of handmade chocolates ' to say thank you for meeting me', seems to be a kind person, has 5 rescue dogs, told me a story where he gave a waitress a £30 tip as a group had done a runner and she told him that the loss would come out of her wages so he gave her the money to help make it up. He made me laugh, is intelligent and rang me later to make sure I got home ok.

But...he was 4 stone overweight ( by his own admission and definitely a lot heavier than his profile pics )

Told a sexist joke about Edwina Currie, " what's the difference between Edwina Currie and Tasmania? Everyone knows it's there but no one wants to go there.."

Constantly interrupted me, drinks a lot and smokes a lot.

Pulled a face when I said I did yoga and pilates and called me a 'hippy'

Said that in his 30 years working as a journalist that yes you can judge a book by its cover. ( and made lots if assumptions about things throughout the evening)

I had been shopping earlier and showed him my purchases, I'd bought 2 DVDs, 'Blue Jasmine' and 'Before Midnight', he looked at them, sneered and said 'chick flicks' dismissively. ( they're not)

I had also bought 'Two Brothers' by Ben Elton, he looked at it and just said 'no'.

He admitted he was sarcastic but I found his sneering, opinionated, contemptuous attitude towards things he didn't agree with increasingly exhausting as the evening went on.

Finally as we left the restaurant and walked up the slight incline back to the station, he had to keep stopping as he was out of breath/ in pain. ( he's 54). This is despite him saying he'd like to go walking in the Scottish Highlands, play badminton and tennis.

When we got to the train station there was a 15 minute wait and he spent the time mocking the young late night revellers. It was funny but mean spirited.

There was other stuff but basically I think he'd be really hard work to be in a relationship with. Would be good fun as a friend as he's entertaining but I don't think there would be anything more. He's called me 3 times today but I haven't answered as I needed time to think about it.

Just wanted to write it down and see what other people thought...

Bet he sends a shitty reply. I imagine the bloke from benidorm... Tigers dad. Lol

Hmmm nobody seems to have mentioned how judgemental you've come across in discussing how his stomach would get in the way!! And I agree that the message is a bit harsh!

Perry Benson.

Ah have a chuckle. Swerve him and move along.

Message was fine with me

Given the chance this kind of person would put someone (a woman's) self-esteem to the floor (look at the comments he made about cultural tastes, exercise).

Imagine if this guy met, say, a young woman with low self-esteem who was impressed by his income and his "gestures" and his rathe , how he'd take advantage of her vulnerability and try to manipulate her into staying with him.

So yeah harsh judgement of him is very appropriate, yes.

I just think it's pretty contradictory criticising someone for being rude when the post on here is so rude!!

Actually I don't think my OP was rude. I gave examples of his behaviour so people could make up their own minds about him.

He admitted he was overweight and sarcastic, it wasn't me saying that.

Anyway it's done now!

I actually think posts like this, and all the anonymous thinking out loud and critiquing is one of the great things about MN Relationships.

Isn't it like 20 lurkers reading to 1 poster here?

Of course I get why some posters say "oh just do X, it's easy", especially if they're in a happy stable relationship situation.

These threads do form a good thing to read for those who maybe don't find negotiating the maze of relationships, dating, dealing with misogynists that emotionally or practically easy.

When someone hasn't been on a date for ages, and is maybe feeling a bit lonely (and who doesn't from time to time?) it is easy to be tempted to settle for someone and ignore red flags. So thinking out loud can help.

Women are socialised into "being nice and protecting the angry man's feelings" so often that it's good having a place where a bit of expression (and judgement of misogynists) can occur.

He wasn't Rod Liddle, was he?

Balloon

Well he had 5 large glasses of wine in three and a half hours and admitted to smoking 40 fags a day so his health problems are largely self created. He's heading towards a heart attack or stroke IMO.

He's not on this thread though?

misogyny and racism only became unacceptable because people were prepared to make a fuss and not just go "that's how X is, not my problem" and pass the buck on.

This man strikes me as someone who is a misogynist and would be a bully given the opportunity, so I do think there is a responsibility to "clip his wings" if one feels up to it, without causing too much drama.

"feeling mean" shouldn't really be any concern when dealing wth men who hate women, when one looks at the level at which they go to to find a woman to bring down and break.

Did he reply?

I have refused a date with an online guy who saw fit to tell me I 'shouldn't read' a certain author. Nobody tells me what to read :)

He sounds critical and belittling. That only gets worse.

Also desperate and clingy.

First sign of abuser: testing boundaries to see if the woman accepts, and then raising level of control/belittling.

Also the spending lots of money on her whilst criticising her, so she feels socially obligated to him.

What a nasty piece of work.

Hmmm nobody seems to have mentioned how judgemental you've come across in discussing how his stomach would get in the way!!

The OP is perfectly entitled to be judgmental in affairs of the heart. If a man being overweight does not do it for her, then it does not do it for her, and she's not obliged to see him again, just to avoid being 'judgemental'.

How bizarre that someone would suggest otherwise. And she's hardly going to police her own thoughts and feelings on the matter, to please a faceless poster on an Internet forum.

This is an anonymous forum where people can sound things out and get things clear in their own heads, just the same way they would with real life friends.

Hope you've told him it's not YOU it's HIM

Well I have checked my messages on PoF. Not heard anything since I sent my message. A bit disappointed as I was looking forward to a load of vitriol from him that I could have posted on here!

Thanks for all your support and wise words.

I did actually LOL at the is it Rod Liddle question

I agree with some that the unrequested critique was harsh but it's done now and if he doesn't respond then maybe he wasn't as vitriolic as he first appeared. I met a few howlers on pof a long time ago so feel your pain. I gave up in the end as it was very dispiriting but there are some decent people out there. Good luck