Tell me, should I go on another date with this guy..?

[AWholeLottaNosy]

I had a date last night with a guy i met on PoF. Although it started off quite well, as the evening went on I started having serious doubts about this guy. Just wanted to put it down here to get a bit of perspective. Please tell me whether you think I should see him again...

So on the plus side, he bought be a nice box of handmade chocolates ' to say thank you for meeting me', seems to be a kind person, has 5 rescue dogs, told me a story where he gave a waitress a £30 tip as a group had done a runner and she told him that the loss would come out of her wages so he gave her the money to help make it up. He made me laugh, is intelligent and rang me later to make sure I got home ok.

But...he was 4 stone overweight ( by his own admission and definitely a lot heavier than his profile pics )

Told a sexist joke about Edwina Currie, " what's the difference between Edwina Currie and Tasmania? Everyone knows it's there but no one wants to go there.."

Constantly interrupted me, drinks a lot and smokes a lot.

Pulled a face when I said I did yoga and pilates and called me a 'hippy'

Said that in his 30 years working as a journalist that yes you can judge a book by its cover. ( and made lots if assumptions about things throughout the evening)

I had been shopping earlier and showed him my purchases, I'd bought 2 DVDs, 'Blue Jasmine' and 'Before Midnight', he looked at them, sneered and said 'chick flicks' dismissively. ( they're not)

I had also bought 'Two Brothers' by Ben Elton, he looked at it and just said 'no'.

He admitted he was sarcastic but I found his sneering, opinionated, contemptuous attitude towards things he didn't agree with increasingly exhausting as the evening went on.

Finally as we left the restaurant and walked up the slight incline back to the station, he had to keep stopping as he was out of breath/ in pain. ( he's 54). This is despite him saying he'd like to go walking in the Scottish Highlands, play badminton and tennis.

When we got to the train station there was a 15 minute wait and he spent the time mocking the young late night revellers. It was funny but mean spirited.

There was other stuff but basically I think he'd be really hard work to be in a relationship with. Would be good fun as a friend as he's entertaining but I don't think there would be anything more. He's called me 3 times today but I haven't answered as I needed time to think about it.

Just wanted to write it down and see what other people thought...

OP, you don't need to explain anything. Just say no thank you. It was just one date.

With all the gentleness in the world, it might be a really good idea to work on your boundaries and self-trust before you consider online dating if this man has left you in a quandary.

Crikey, offering a weekend away after going on one date? I'd be seriously at this. Too much, too soon. On top of all the other misgivings.

You must print what he replies, because I guarantee it will be some sort of angry, narcissistic tosh

Eva I'm sure it will be. I just looked at his FB page and it's basically him just ranting about the world and everything that's wrong with it.

Bitter, jaded and self pitying.

So I have just sent this message...

Hi I hope you are well. I'm afraid that I don't think it would work between us. You are obviously an intelligent and witty man but I found your sarcasm and cynicism too much. I don't like being ridiculed for things I'm into, it's insulting and mean spirited. You make a lot of assumptions about things, don't listen and interrupt constantly. You aren't open to new things and I find your health issues very concerning. I wish you well but we wouldn't be compatible.

I think that's fair?
I wonder if I'll get a reply?

Hi rosie, you friended him on faceache? Are you crazy? Tell him on the phone your not interested.
BTW I don't live in London, and can hold a conversation!
Good luck with pof.

Nosy

Yeah, that'll do. A bit long but you got the message across. Hope the next date is an improvement.

No I did NOT friend him on FB! Just read his posts as he has a public profile. I'm not stupid...

Don't give the feedback. You would essentially be saying he needs a complete personality transplant. He's happy how he is. Leave him be. I think it would go down badly. The amount he has been calling you may mean he has the potential to turn a bit antsy if you do.

Cross posts.... that was a bit gentler than you said in OP. Should be fine.

Yikes, your message was a wee.bit harsh! I agree with all your points, but I don't know that he needed to be given a list of them!

Anyway, onwards and upwards. You can do way better than him OP

If you give him all that in your reply he'll just mock and ridicule each and every point and shrug it off as you being an oversensitive hippy type. The less you say the more it will hit home. A swift Thanks but no thanks says a lot more to men like him

Apols didn't realise you had sent it

Yikes. I'd have just stuck at, 'Thanks but I don't think we are compatible. Best of luck.'

I think if he comes back with an apology you should maybe try another date. He may have been terribly nervous. I do all sorts of things wrong when I am nervous. I interupt, I talk too much and sometimes in an attempt to seem funny I might make stupid comments.

I have a terrible feeling that said that you are going to have problems on the erm...itimate side.

intimate

yep, I would put money on this bloke being a bit challenged in the keeping it up dept. < shrug >

I can't see a problem with that message, OP. I am not sure he justifies quite the head space you are giving him though. Bin and move on.

This may be a pointless post, but I once had someone I had seen a handful of times (in my twenties, when everyone wrote with feathers) decide to give me feedback on why he was not going to see me anymore. It wasn't quite a character assasination, but it was a little....unecessary....and the points he made were about my personality, fairly fixed points, and something about which he'd got entirely the wrong end of the stick. I didn't change my personality and I couldn't be a**ed to put him right about the error part. It just hurt my feelings, and didn't help. I think if someone asks for feedback, that's different

It's done now and I think people should know how they come across to others. He may ( possibly ) reflect on it as I sense he's actually quite insecure at heart and it may make him think twice another time. However he probably won't and I may just get a load of vitriol from him. Which will kind of prove my point!

Ouch! I don't blame you for sending that though. I had a "journalist" boyfriend once. And he was also bitter, cynical, sneering, and groundless superior.
I would try sites other than Pof tbh.

1. he's going to write an article about how women are bitches now with some passive-aggressive digs at you. I'd start composing your statement for Lord Leveson .

1. he's going to reply, claim it's all just "banter" and "sarcasm" and imply he's some hard masculine man who knows it all and the likes of you "hippy" people need to toughen up

not that's he's some desperate chubster who gets out of breath walking up a hill and feels he has to buy affection with chocolate and weekends away

Seriously: I actually think it was quite nice and generous and brave of you to send a fairly honest, constructive, reply. He will probably react badly to it (I'm guessing he'll label you an over-sensitive hippy type) but this kind of narcissistic person often doesn't have any friends to say it like it is.

How many first dates does he get where women just ignore him after and are too scared to reply because he comes across as so toxic?

Thanks Eva! He told me he went on one date with a woman who actually threw up at the dinner table...