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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Tell me, should I go on another date with this guy..?

120 replies

AWholeLottaNosy · 11/01/2015 21:38

I had a date last night with a guy i met on PoF. Although it started off quite well, as the evening went on I started having serious doubts about this guy. Just wanted to put it down here to get a bit of perspective. Please tell me whether you think I should see him again...

So on the plus side, he bought be a nice box of handmade chocolates ' to say thank you for meeting me', seems to be a kind person, has 5 rescue dogs, told me a story where he gave a waitress a £30 tip as a group had done a runner and she told him that the loss would come out of her wages so he gave her the money to help make it up. He made me laugh, is intelligent and rang me later to make sure I got home ok.

But...he was 4 stone overweight ( by his own admission and definitely a lot heavier than his profile pics )

Told a sexist joke about Edwina Currie, " what's the difference between Edwina Currie and Tasmania? Everyone knows it's there but no one wants to go there.."

Constantly interrupted me, drinks a lot and smokes a lot.

Pulled a face when I said I did yoga and pilates and called me a 'hippy'

Said that in his 30 years working as a journalist that yes you can judge a book by its cover. ( and made lots if assumptions about things throughout the evening)

I had been shopping earlier and showed him my purchases, I'd bought 2 DVDs, 'Blue Jasmine' and 'Before Midnight', he looked at them, sneered and said 'chick flicks' dismissively. ( they're not)

I had also bought 'Two Brothers' by Ben Elton, he looked at it and just said 'no'.

He admitted he was sarcastic but I found his sneering, opinionated, contemptuous attitude towards things he didn't agree with increasingly exhausting as the evening went on.

Finally as we left the restaurant and walked up the slight incline back to the station, he had to keep stopping as he was out of breath/ in pain. ( he's 54). This is despite him saying he'd like to go walking in the Scottish Highlands, play badminton and tennis.

When we got to the train station there was a 15 minute wait and he spent the time mocking the young late night revellers. It was funny but mean spirited.

There was other stuff but basically I think he'd be really hard work to be in a relationship with. Would be good fun as a friend as he's entertaining but I don't think there would be anything more. He's called me 3 times today but I haven't answered as I needed time to think about it.

Just wanted to write it down and see what other people thought...

OP posts:
AWholeLottaNosy · 11/01/2015 23:38

Eva, yes I agree with you about journalists, they can be quite opinionated and superior ( and guess what, my dad was one..!)

OP posts:
EvaRhodes · 11/01/2015 23:38

Also why is criticising your exercise activities when by the sounds of it he needs to do some himself?

EvaRhodes · 11/01/2015 23:43

My dad wasn't a journalist but he had that same "I've screwed up in life, so I'm going to pooh-pooh everyone else's decisions and attempts to be happy and constructive and try new things"

(and disguise it as "worldliness" or "sarcasm" or "telling it how it is" or "I've lived, you haven't, you naive thing")

It's horrible and draining to live with, like a Dementor.

singaporefling · 11/01/2015 23:48

Not in a gazillion years - you've already found out what sort of person he is/his opinions/verbosity - NO NO NO

Mom2K · 12/01/2015 04:08

I'm surprised you even need to ask. A definite no! Doesn't have a great attitude and I'm not impressed by the false advertising on POF (posting slimmer pics of himself rather than current. I know we would all like to look our best but I think it's important to posts pics of the way a person looks presently). Can't stand it when older people post pics from 10 years ago when they were much younger, also. I haven't done OD but friends have told me some stories Hmm

If I showed up for a date and the guy didn't match up to his photos I probably wouldn't have ended up having the date. There may not have been anything wrong with how he actually looked but for me it's the principle of the matter. I hate any form of lying.

flatbellyfella · 12/01/2015 15:21

How many times today, has he called you?

TiggyD · 12/01/2015 15:25

No. If he asks you to fill out a feedback, slip give him all zeros.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 12/01/2015 15:26

If that's what he's like on a first date he'll be a right prick a few months in.

His dogs mustn't get must exercise judging by his level of health. It's cruel to have dogs if you are not going to care for then properly.

pompodd · 12/01/2015 15:34

Definitely sounds like you should give him a miss. But, to be honest (and I'm a man), I'm completely puzzled as to why you felt that you needed to ask the question.

If everyone had responded: you are being unreasonable, give the poor guy a chance, stop being over-critical etc. what would you have thought/done?

If you really don't trust your judgment that much maybe you need to work on that first before you date?

Sorry - just read that back and it sounds really patronising and I really don't mean it to. I just don't understand why the "correct" answer wasn't screaming out at you!

AWholeLottaNosy · 12/01/2015 16:11

The reason was he was the best is a bad bunch on PoF! Seriously. I tend to get messages like, hiya babe, or nice rack etc. so this was someone who was obviously intelligent, literate and funny. However he was also sarcastic, critical etc as explained above.

I've also moved out of London where it was relatively easy to meet intelligent, educated guys but where I live now ( much smaller, relatively economically deprived town ) they are few and far between so you kind of have to take what you can get....

OP posts:
AWholeLottaNosy · 12/01/2015 16:12
  • best of a bad bunch!
OP posts:
pompodd · 12/01/2015 16:14

I can see that being the best of a bad bunch menat there was something going for him (relatively speaking - albeit very depressing). But, again, what if everyone on this thread had said you were being unfair and unreasonable? Would you have gone on another date with him?

AWholeLottaNosy · 12/01/2015 16:16

He's also sent me a message on PoF saying, 'Hi hippy, fancy a weekend in Rome in late spring?'

I'm gonna have to call him aren't I..?

OP posts:
AWholeLottaNosy · 12/01/2015 16:19

No I wouldn't as just writing it down helped me see it much clearer just wanted some more perspective from people who would be objective and not mince their words!

( also I'm the type to put up with shit from men but I am getting better at knocking it on the head much earlier...)

OP posts:
nauticant · 12/01/2015 16:25

Message back:

With your level of fitness should you be making long-term plans like Spring?

AWholeLottaNosy · 12/01/2015 16:28

Nauticant! Grin

OP posts:
stripedtortoise · 12/01/2015 16:34

Do you really need to ask? He sounds awful.

Also you seem to have listed the waitress story as a positive where as I would think 'idiot' as it was clearly a lame way to impress you.

DiaryOfAWimpyMum · 12/01/2015 16:45

No

babymouse · 12/01/2015 17:03

If you have to ask the question I think you already know the answer. Wink

AnyFucker · 12/01/2015 17:11

Just because he wants to see you again doesn't mean you should attempt to get over your obvious dislike of him

borisgudanov · 12/01/2015 17:16

"I won't be going to Italy
And I'm sure that you will whine bitterly
When I tell you that
It's because you're a twat
And because you've behaved really shittily."

Should sort him out.

Arse.

AnyFucker · 12/01/2015 17:17

Boris Grin

AWholeLottaNosy · 12/01/2015 17:21

Boris, that was v good!!Grin

OP posts:
HanselandGretle · 12/01/2015 17:27

On top of all that, he's called you three times today even though you didn't pick up?? I'd bolt.

EvaRhodes · 12/01/2015 17:33

"I love the idea of Rome,
The city with temples of stone
With history and gelati
It could be quite pretty

(But not with you you fucking rude angry gnome)"