I have been very foolish

[Simbathecat]

I have just returned from a week abroad to attend my mums wedding to her partner, I went without my husband as he is working away.

I've had a lovely week with my mum and all of their friends and on my last night I was jokingly saying I'd been in bed by 10pm each night when the barman offered to take me to a club if I wanted. Mums partner has been coming to the island for 15+years and the general consensus was he was a "good guy". However I had had a lot to drink and no one thought it was a good idea for me to go. I was taken back to my room and made to promise to stay in. However very drunk and in the party mood all reason and common sense went out the window and I went anyway. I was not interested in this man whatsoever and naively thought he was my friend (him knowing my mums partner etc).

The inevitable happened and he had sex with me that wasn't consensual. I repeatedly said no, asked him to leave but he would not listen. I eventually left myself and got help from friends staying in the same building.

I have told my husband and he is devastated and very angry with me. He says that regardless of whether the rape happened or not my very act of meeting the man showed disrespect to myself, him and our marriage. He is of course correct.

He isn't home for another week and a half and I don't know how to fix this.

I can't believe I've been so foolish and naive to have put myself so obviously in danger and jeopardised my relationship.

Although there was evidence he had used protection I have taken emergency contraception and I will need to lie to work on Monday to make a humiliating visit to the health clinic.

[lemisscared]

I should imagine mnhq are busy watching. I did not call the OP a slut and to be fair neither did Morris. I certainly didn't mean to upset you morris, just telling you how your posts were coming across, i think this is possibly a case of when you are in a hole..........and maybe we can all put down the spades!

[MorrisZapp]

I'm cool. Have reported, as have others.

[Topseyt]

Lem, I think you should get that post deleted. Nobody but you introduced the word.

No, you didn't call her a slut. Neither did anybody else, and nor was it implied.

Threads like this should definitely be LOCKED. They are on some other forums I have used.

[YetAnotherHelenMumsnet]

Hi all,
We have been contacted by the posters above to ask that we lock the thread, and we think that this is a good idea as it has very much lost focus. We hope that Simbathecat is doing okay and is receiving excellent support in real life.

[BathtimeFunkster]

It's not victim blaming to acknowledge that OP might have done something which her DH would have been uncomfortable with had the rape not actually happened.

Yes, it absolutely is victim blaming to keep blaming the rape victim for behaviour on the night she was raped

Trying to split hairs so you can keep on and on and on about how a man has an absolute right to be so pissed off that his wife once went to a nightclub with a man she didn't fancy and he didn't know, that their relationship is on the line would be pretty crap in the best of circumstances. Since in even the very best of circumstances he would be a controlling arse to make such a massive deal about something that posed zero threat to their relationship.

However, in these circumstances, what you have been doing, for several days at this point, is joining her husband in saying "regardless of whether you were raped"...

As if that is a remotely acceptable thing to say to someone who has just been raped.

Over and over and over.

And when you have a name for talking about how acceptable infidelity can be when men do it, it does start to look a lot like slut shaming.