Strange Porn Habits- WWYD?

[CerealDater]

NC for this thread as lots of colleagues on here.

Context: I met a lovely bloke in September 2014 and we started seeing each other. We were both clear that we were having fun- great sex, brilliant days out, nice dates, just a really good laugh. If it turned into something more then fine but if not, then we'd let it run its course. Bottom line: he's not my DP, I don't love him, I'm not terribly emotionally attached. I've known since we met that he likes porn and I have no problem with this at all.

Yesterday: Last night I was round his place for tea. I needed to book a train ticket for today and he said I could do it on his laptop. I was completely freaked out by his search history that came up when I searched for a few things. There was the usual guff of "black girls big tits" "blonde massive tits" "spanked booties" etc etc. Fine. But there was also some really weird stuff that he'd searched for like "pictures of used tampons" "pictures of sex during period" "vomit porn".

I should say that there was nothing illegal on the searches. I'm just a bit freaked out and not sure what to do. On the one hand, our sex is just completely normal and if I hadn't found the searches then I'd be none the wiser so I should just carry on. On the other hand, you can't unknow stuff and this has just made me question whether he's a bit perverted and could escalate our sex to start requesting weird stuff...

But, I've always maintained that I'm fine with him watching porn so it seems a bit rich for me to now say that I'm not happy with the particular kind of porn IYSWIM.

WWYD?!

The internet is a fabulous tool but also very very dark and it's easy to click away into the dark side.

Cheers rubbishmantra, your description has more than satisfied my curiosity

"Do you really think any woman wants to make a living this way unless she's out of options?"

Believe me, I have some pretty strong opinions about porn - I don't want to go into it and derail the thread, but I don't want to come across like I think it's great.

But I do think that it's important not to see all porn actresses as women who are 'out of options' or 'victims' or 'desperate'. It's not the case. I'm sure that there ARE women in those positions, but there are also women who do enjoy it and are happy with what they do. And also, I think there are a lot of women who took a realistic look at their options and chose porn. Maybe it's a shame that it was the best option they could see, but it doesn't make them lesser people for making a choice that seemed right for them. I don't think porn is an overall great thing, and wouldn't choose to do it myself, but I do object to a narrative that belittles the women involved in it.

The point is that when watching porn nobody knows whether the woman in it is doing it out of choice or because she's out of options. I suspect there are more that fit into the latter category, so the chances are it's a woman out of options.

I suspect the the reverse, myself. I'm sure that many, many women doing porn could be doing something 'better'. But I don't think there are a majority where it is truly the only option for them, or they are forced. The ones where who are, it is horrifying, but I think it's more often a case of alternate options being even more unappealing, or fucked up ideas about what a 'good idea' looks like. Which isn't great, but I do respect the individual woman's right to make that choice.

Obviously there are things I wish were happening to give women better options, but those are mostly ways in which I wish men behaved differently or the world functioned. Not women. It's not the women's fault this market exists, and it's not their fault that perhaps it's the most appealing option for them. And I think, to be honest, the best way to change things would be to offer them more respect, more support from other women. Not less. Not to be seen as a faceless crowd of damaged and powerless victims.

Anyway, I don't want to derail the thread, I apologise!

I have NC because...well, you would if you were me too.

So, I am a woman with a fetish that is generally thought of as disgusting. I am turned on by watersports, people wetting/pooing themselves, the whole adult baby thing - all that stuff. Aside from my fetish, I am the most boringly normal person you could ever meet. I might be one of your mates on Mumsnet, or the woman you chat to every morning in the school playground. There is nothing 'weird' about me, and I am not a pervert. I am just turned on by that stuff and I don't know why.

When I was younger, I used to look at porn relating to it, but I haven't for many years because I started to feel less OK about porn in general, and didn't want to feel like I was supporting it by looking at it (I know - a bit daft, but still). These days, I occasionally search for stories that people have written about the subject for fetishists.

Now...have I ever asked anyone to piss all over me? No. Have I ever smeared someone in shit? no. Have I ever asked a partner to do anything at all like that with me? No. In fact, I have never told anybody, not even my husband. It is just not relevant to our lives. We have great (vanilla) sex, and I like it perfectly well that way it is, thank you. The majority of people like me are just normal, decent people with a fetish that they can't explain and don't really want to bring into their real lives. The real issue here is that the OP has accidentally stumbled on her partner's fetish (if that's the reason he was searching for that stuff), and now she has to decide if it matters to her or not that he is turned on by that stuff. Kind of like if someone has a bad habit, and it starts to be the only thing you can think about when you see them because it bothers you so much.

Note: No, vomit/used tampons do not turn me on. However, each to their own.

Sigh why haven't you told your dh? It seems pretty harmless to me - couldn't you have him pee on you in the shower or something? I'm pretty sure my dh would do it to me if I was into it and asked (which I definitely would if I liked that kind of thing).

But like you said sigh, you don't have to bring that into your life at all. Men won't die if they never saw another woman being "objectified" either. Like I said I strongly disagree with all forms of porn. It is not a necessary thing.

Also the subliminal messages porn sends to boys/men have vast repercussions for women, if you can't see that then I'm very saddened by it.

I don't see what the fuss is about, you are not in a relationship with him, you don't love him and you are essentially just fuck buddies. Do you like the sex you are having with him? yes? then what is the issue? Is he asking you to vomit? No, well all good then.

You have no right to question how he spends his free time, no right to pin him down and demand a explanation and no right to ask him not to look at these things or to know why he has searched them.

I agree with Tinks, and don't in any way agree with pornography. If I was seeing someone just for sex it wouldn't even occur to me to discuss their porn habits. If I wanted to commit to them I might then want to know.

I also agree with the poster who said that fetishes do not define the person, or the relationships they have with other people.