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Original poster

Strange Porn Habits- WWYD?

110 replies

CerealDater · 08/01/2015 10:28

NC for this thread as lots of colleagues on here.

Context: I met a lovely bloke in September 2014 and we started seeing each other. We were both clear that we were having fun- great sex, brilliant days out, nice dates, just a really good laugh. If it turned into something more then fine but if not, then we'd let it run its course. Bottom line: he's not my DP, I don't love him, I'm not terribly emotionally attached. I've known since we met that he likes porn and I have no problem with this at all.

Yesterday: Last night I was round his place for tea. I needed to book a train ticket for today and he said I could do it on his laptop. I was completely freaked out by his search history that came up when I searched for a few things. There was the usual guff of "black girls big tits" "blonde massive tits" "spanked booties" etc etc. Fine. But there was also some really weird stuff that he'd searched for like "pictures of used tampons" "pictures of sex during period" "vomit porn".

I should say that there was nothing illegal on the searches. I'm just a bit freaked out and not sure what to do. On the one hand, our sex is just completely normal and if I hadn't found the searches then I'd be none the wiser so I should just carry on. On the other hand, you can't unknow stuff and this has just made me question whether he's a bit perverted and could escalate our sex to start requesting weird stuff...

But, I've always maintained that I'm fine with him watching porn so it seems a bit rich for me to now say that I'm not happy with the particular kind of porn IYSWIM.

WWYD?!

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 08/01/2015 17:08

He might well just have been looking up gross stuff either for shock value or to wind up friends.
He might also be one of the people who does actually have a fetish for vomit or menstrual blood. People with this kind of minority fetish are not dangerous or evil on the whole. They are likely to keep it very, very quiet because they know perfectly well that most people will either take the piss or be utterly horrified.
It's unlikely that he wants you to puke on his willy or anything. But if you are put off him by the idea, a polite and friendly 'It's been fun but I'm moving on' is fine: you don't owe him anything other than courtesy.

Mom2K · 08/01/2015 17:20

Bleurgh. That would be a complete turn off. Then again, I find all porn to be absolutely revolting & misogynistic...fetish stuff in particular, so this fling would be totally dead to me the minute I saw it.

BUT, in your situation - there's no real relationship, and the two of you are just having fun...so if it hasn't come into play or impacted how you are with one another then maybe it's not a big deal. If you do think the relationship could go anywhere and you are disgusted by this - I'd seriously not waste time on this man. It's highly unlikely his preferences will change just becase you're bothered by it (speaking from my own experience but obviously may not apply to everyone). Outside the context of a proper relationship with a future, I'm not sure I see what would be gained by having a conversation with him about it. I'd say ignore it and continue having fun, or cut him loose if it now affects the way you view him (for me I think relationship or not I'd go the cut loose option. Ick!!)

gincamparidryvermouth · 08/01/2015 17:29

What did you mean when you told him you had no problem with him watching porn though? What did you think "porn" looked like in 2014? Confused

JimmyChoosChimichanga · 08/01/2015 18:55

I think your reaction to his particular searches is normal OP. I would exactly the way you feel. Detatch and move on.

muddylettuce · 08/01/2015 19:21

I would be straight up with him and ask if that's what he is into? You seem to be that sort of person and so does he (you've already had the porn conversation). He may not be searching for sexual reasons, I have 2 brothers and a partner who share gross pictures and videos with their friends. I found 'granny porn' on my brother's search history once.

heartisaspade · 08/01/2015 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DadOnIce · 08/01/2015 20:56

I was only making a joke, you know... Hmm

heartisaspade · 08/01/2015 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VivienneRuns · 08/01/2015 21:06

Why not ask him if he's turned on by that or just nosey? I googled prolapsed porn yesterday because I read something referring to it and wanted to see what it was. The majority of what people look for is curiousity more than anything else. My friend showed me two girls one cup, nothing sexual, just look at these people eating shit!!!!

Google is an educational tool, how else would we know about people who get turned on by vomit, piss, shit, sucking prolapsed anuses etc...???? Looking does not mean being turned on by or wanting to try out those things!!!!!!

RonaldMcFartNuggets · 08/01/2015 21:12

Grin heart

StickEm · 08/01/2015 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RonaldMcFartNuggets · 08/01/2015 21:15

I don't think he sounds sick. If he was looking at rape porn I would say run.

My exbil had a fetish for periods and sex (my dsis told me), not usual but hey, each to their own!

Tinks42 · 08/01/2015 21:17

None of the porn men watch is ok in my book.... NONE.... I personally wouldn't date a bloke that was into any type. It portrays women as underclass objects.

AyMamita · 08/01/2015 21:20

I think I would have immediately shrieked WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS???!!! in a jokey/horrified way. Not sure you can bring it up now without it being a big deal. Sorry, probably not much help...

Wackadoodle · 08/01/2015 21:23

The big mistake women often seem to make about things like this is to presume they have some all-encompassing SIGNIFICANCE for everything else in the person's life - including everything to so with sex and relationships. They really don't, necessarily. He can just as likely enjoy having dinner and vanilla sex with you after looking at tampons, as after going to the football or playing snooker. It's just another thing in his life.

Strangely, people who object to porn usually seem to do so on the basis of perceived exploitation and harm done to women by it. This would appear to be a relatively rare case of a porn fetish with no sense of that at all. It's just WEIRD. Surely it's better he's looking at womens' tampons than looking at them being abused?

Having said that, you have seen what you see and feel what you feel. So if you can't feel comfortable having sex with him now then that's the way it is and it's not your fault. As long as that's the way it really is and you're not talking yourself into thinking you OUGHT to be worried about it because of somebody else's taboo.

StickEm · 08/01/2015 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tinks42 · 08/01/2015 21:26

Strangely, people who object to porn usually seem to do so on the basis of perceived exploitation and harm done to women by it

Not sure what's strange about women thinking this at all...

This would appear to be a relatively rare case of a porn fetish with no sense of that at all. It's just WEIRD. Surely it's better he's looking at womens' tampons than looking at them being abused?

Err, the man does watch what is supposedly "normal" porn as well.

ProcrastIWillFinishThisLater · 08/01/2015 21:33

I agree with Annarose why do you need to address it? You're not even in a couply relationship, you're shagging and half seeing each other, in a pretty half arsed way. What porn he looks at is really none of your business - he might just be curious, heard it mentioned and looked it up, or he might have an odd fetish, so what? If you don't fancy him anymore just call it a day. I really wouldn't grill him about personal (and not illegal or abusive) things you accidentally found on his laptop - it's not really on imo.

vinegarandbrownpaper · 08/01/2015 23:59

I think the guy who ploughed the gaps between the paving slabs was just a crack hoe..

VenusRising · 09/01/2015 00:13

Have him over and stir his Bloody Mary with a tampax instead of celery! Wink

I don't think it has much significance tbh. Porn is porn, RL is RL. Up to you OP if you don't like the fetishes.

zippey · 09/01/2015 00:15

I wouldn't address it either. Either learn to live with the knowledge that he googled these search terms or move on to someone new.

You wouldn't like it if he demanded to know something he found out about you, your past or your internet habits.

Your non committal partnership should be about having fun, and having to answer to you will probably spell the beginning of the end.

PurpleSwift · 09/01/2015 00:20

I'd say it's morbid curiosity but it's the kind of stuff I'd expect from a teenager. A total turn off in a fully grown male and I can't imagine wanting to continue the relationship of I was still in the early days tbh.

sykadelic · 09/01/2015 01:04

This is why you should delete your search history when you look up weird stuff!

I've looked up some truly awful stuff before because someone told me to check something out (or I saw it on here). You can't assume he likes to look at it. Perhaps someone told him about it and he wanted to see how gross it was.

I say just be direct "what's up with this search history?"

RubbishMantra · 09/01/2015 04:21

happyyonisleepyyoni - "Perhaps he has a sick sense of humour" Grin

Just looked up prolapse porn. Wish I hadn't. Why? Just why!

dominogocatgo · 09/01/2015 09:09

Tinks, you said further up that all the porn men that watch portrays women as 'underclass objects'. Have you seen all of it then ? Even gay porn ? Is the porn that women watch ok ?