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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can my wife ever forgive my affair?

129 replies

Funkywotsits · 02/01/2015 21:07

Hello,
I'd like some honest advice please.
Back in 2014 I had a silly,brief,stupid and first time ever affair.
I told my wife it was going on and stupidly told her our marriage (7 yrs) was over.
I left her ( and my sons) for three days before opening my eyes and seeing what a stupid mistake I had made.
I ended the affair straight away and asked to come home and she said 'No'.
We have lived apart for 6 months now but have talked about going for counselling ( Relate) soon.
I truly regret this ever happening and over the past six months have kept some distance as asked,sought 1-1 counselling,kept regular contact with my Son's,paid monthly amount to run family home and caused no trouble or hassled her.
Can she ever forgive me? Does that happen?

OP posts:
worserevived · 03/01/2015 11:49

OP read Nettletea's post. It's very relevant.

Someone asked further up the thread for comment or advice from those who have taken back a cheater. I took back my DH. It wasn't an easy decision, and to be honest had I spent 6 months without even considering it I probably wouldn't have done. I left him, and then over time we made friends and started what was effectively a new and very different marriage. He's now an emotional as well as physical and financial support to our family. That's new. He pulls his weight at home, and that's new too. I am different too, very strong and unwilling to take even a tiny amount of cr*p. It works because we are an equal team who have chosen to try again. I guess that's my advice - start again if she is willing, and be a better husband, father, and human being. If she is not willing, respect that, and accept you've lost your family.

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 03/01/2015 12:12

This thread is a good example of how people who have had affairs and then want to come back find it hard - understandably so - to actually realise how fundamentally their actions have changed things. They always say the same things. 'Massive mistake' 'complete regret' 'winning them back' 'make it up to them'.

To the betrayed person, and indeed to anyone else with a shred of emotional intelligence who think about it for more than a minute, those comments only serve to show how completely they DON'T GET IT, and even perhaps how being able to think like that makes them the kind of person who has an affair in the first place.

Because that's what it's really about - being a certain kind of person. That's it, ultimately. Your affair wasn't a mistake. It's something you made the decision to do because that's the kind of person you are. And that's what your wife now knows - that she thought she was married to Funkywotsits-A: a loving, caring partner, dad, faithful, her rock, etc. etc., and she's now discovered that that person doesn't exist - and she was actually married to a bloke called Funkywotsits-B - who is the kind of man that she'd run a mile from. A cheat, a hideous twat who would look at his own children and turn his back for the sake of having fun sex with some other woman. His own children. Her worst nightmare. Now, you've changed your mind (no, not 'realised your mistake, you've just changed your mind - own it) - and you're asking her to agree to spend the rest of her life with a new husband, a nasty betraying cruel cheat called Funkywotsits-B, who she didn't know existed until he turned up wearing her beloved DH's clothes and ripped her heart out.

That isn't how you see it, because you feel like the same person. You will find it impossible to accept the above, because to you, you're the same lovely loving bloke she married who made a mistake. How can you live with any other interpretation? But the truth is, you always were Funkywotsit-B. She just didn't know it yet, and you don't truly appreciate the difference.

So, to her, and to most people on here, talk of a 'mistake' just shows how little you understand of what's happened. You didn't make a mistake, you simply showed what your character is when the chips are down. Talk of regret and making it up to her forever means nothing - because the important thing is, you are a person who would do this as opposed to a person who wouldn't - and when we're talking parenting, young children, family life, that's not a factor that she can afford to be less than 100% about. Now she knows what your idea of 'better or worse' is really like, now it's been tested, what do you think she should do? You CAN'T 'make it up to her'. It's BEEN DONE - the marriage has been destroyed. You can' 'not be' the kind of person who would have an affair. So, you're asking her to spend the rest of her life in a second or third-rate relationship with a man who, when the chips were down, was willing to piss all over her and his children and walk out. You're asking her to do that, instead of move on and look for a better, unspoiled relationship in which she might have peace of mind, for your sake. The person who wouldn't even stay faithful to her.

So, I don't know where you can go with that. There are people on here who have moved on from affairs. I'm guessing that the reasons are essentially twofold - either they don't care enough about the fact of infidelity (and thus don't feel the way outlined above) and see the marriage in completely different terms, or they make a conscious decision to accept the broken relationship in order to maintain other parts of their married life that are more important to them. Your wife does not seem to have either viewpoint, so essentially you are offering her nothing. Worse, what you are offering is for her to continue to live this hideous hurt and uncertainty forever, rather than move on from it.

I honestly think your best bet is to really try and understand this, appreciate with honesty and good grace that she is being utterly sensible in wanting to end the marriage, and try to build a new friend and co-parent relationship with her instead.

nauticant · 03/01/2015 12:51

She is scared that if she takes you back, you will do it again. Be it in one month time or ten years time.

She might be looking at a broken and poisoned relationship that she could re-start but would cause her continual grief for the rest of her life. She might be thinking that, however difficult, having a relationship with someone else in the future means she can start something that will not have pain at its heart.

OP: what do you think about letting her go so she can choose to maybe have a relationship with someone else that can be built on trust and that she can believe in? As an alternative to trying to pull her back into something that might make her unhappy on some level for the rest of her life?

worserevived · 03/01/2015 12:52

'Worse, what you are offering is for her to continue to live this hideous hurt and uncertainty forever, rather than move on from it. '

No I'm not! I'm giving my own situation which is nothing like that Confused. Read my post, and my earlier one again.

nauticant · 03/01/2015 13:02

Reading what TheyLearnedFromBrian posted it's crystallised in my head the thought that you OP want to "go back" in some way while your wife knows that is an absolute impossibility and you're actually asking her is to go ahead with someone who betrayed her into an alien, horrible, and painful world.

There is a fundamental disconnect in what you think you are offering and what your wife will see is being offered.

Vivacia · 03/01/2015 13:08

I don't know how much you post TheyLearnedFromBrian but reading that brilliant contribution above, I don't think you post often enough.

Dowser · 03/01/2015 13:14

Some fantastic insights from nettle tea. That should be made a sticky.

If my cheating husband had turns up with izzies list I would have welcomed him back with open arms.

Thank god he didn't.

I wouldn't have had the blast I had or rediscovered the happy fun loving person I really am when I wasn't being squashed by someone else's ego.

I wouldn't now be with the most lovely man ever that I'm ten times happier with.

So, OP. I think you've had your time with your wife.

It's time to move over and allow her to be the person she really is. Make space for the new man who will claim her and love her and your children and would never in a million years cheat on her as they'd rather eat their own leg.

Go on, run along now.

You've had a harsh lesson but it WAS all your choosing. Keep reading nettle teas post till it drips down into every cell of your body because I was the woman who like your wife thought everything was fine. We'd just had valentines day for goodness sake with a beautiful loving card and meal.

Your wife was just the same thinking all was fine while you had sexy liaisons .
As in the song , You don't know what you've got till its gone.

So, very true. In your next relationship I hope you cherish your new woman and make what you did to your wife worth the pain you're both experiencing but make sure you fulfill your obligations to your wife and children as long as they need you to.

Good luck.

Deserttrek · 03/01/2015 13:16

I just wanted to pick up on something TheyLearnedFromBrian said
I'm guessing that the reasons are essentially twofold - either they don't care enough about the fact of infidelity (and thus don't feel the way outlined above) and see the marriage in completely different terms, or they make a conscious decision to accept the broken relationship in order to maintain other parts of their married life that are more important to them
I think these are valid reasons why someone will take someone back, and for sure they must occur. In my case, the first point was definitely not true, second to some extent but not a deal maker. For me, the biggest reason was that I love her and I felt I wanted to give her the chance to work things through. A couple of years later, it was humbling for me to realise that my choice was the right one.

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 03/01/2015 13:16

Oh sorry worserevived I wasn't referring to you! I just started the sentence with 'Worse', meaning 'Even worse than that, you're asking her to...' - hope that makes sense!

Thanks Vivacia - what a nice thing to say - I post off and on, but regularly name change!

OP, I do wish you all the best.

Dowser · 03/01/2015 13:30

Yes, another thumbs up from they learned from Brian.

I think OP you should invite your wife along to read this thread.

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 03/01/2015 13:55

Deserttrek that's interesting and as someone that's never been in that situation myself it's good to hear that too. I can't imagine forgiving someone myself and I don't think I've heard many others say they could either.

I would think, I suppose, that to be forgiven wholeheartedly the cheat would have to have the kind of track record where time and time again they'd proven they were worthy of keeping - and that's probably unusual. I think that most cheats are selfish, and it's probably usually the case that along with the shock, betrayal, anger - there's a realisation by the betrayed spouse that it's actually not as out of character as they'd first think - they reassess the kind of partner the cheat actually was, with trusting glasses off, and they decide to go no further. Love has genuinely been killed. It seems to be the standard on relationships threads - the OP is at first shocked and blindsided, but as discussion continues a picture of a selfish person and a poor partner emerges.

Clearly that wasn't the case for you and I think that is pretty rare.

akaWisey · 03/01/2015 14:09

Wow, TheyLearned what a powerful post. I sort of did choice two but more from fear than preference. And then he did it again. So now I do what the OP's DW is doing and it's been that way for 4 years. Everything you say in your first and subsequent post is true in my ex husband's case. He still doesn't really understand why I won't even be friends with him. Still doesn't really get the magnitude of his actions on our daughter, my sons, me......

So OP I hope you're reading this thread and I hope you're taking it all on board.

Deserttrek · 03/01/2015 14:13

Yes she was worthy of keeping. I did have to think about everything though. I felt sad most, that what we had could just be chucked away, in a moment of madness uncharacteristic carelessness. I didn't want to add to that, I didn't want to take hold of the other end and jointly throw what we had, and what we could have, over the cliff. I didn't want to be a part of that, so I wanted to pull it back from the abyss and see if it could be saved. And it was so uncharacteristic that I wondered if I was partly to blame for the situation that we had got into. I had to spend a long time thinking about that. I never felt anger though, other things but sad mostly. It is the betrayed parties choice of course whether they can forgive and move on. I hope OP is reading all of this thread and knows what to do next. I hope everybody who is in or ever thinks about starting a relationship reads this thread. It should be made compulsory....Smile.

JonesTheSteam · 03/01/2015 14:46

I don't really like posting on threads like this any more as the default position on MN is that anyone who stays with a cheating spouse has no self-respect, no self-worth, is pathetic and setting themselves up for disappointment and heartbreak. I don't need to read that, thanks, although obviously it may be true for some. Generalisations don't help anyone.

Having said that, I am actually the author of the list that izzie posted near the start of the thread. I wrote it, not on the thread I posted about my DH's affair, but on someone else's thread.

It's very weird to read a thread and suddenly find yourself reading your own words.

For what it's worth, and at the risk of being told I'm all of the above, I'm still with my DH almost a year later.

He continues to do all those things and more.

This time last year I was worried and knew something was up, as I'd been told he wasn't sure he loved me, didn't know what he wanted and all the usual crap that they come out with. A month later I found fairly innocuous emails from her (nothing more than drivel about being out with people from work, wishing he was there and that so-and-so hadn't bought a round yet) and when confronted he confessed all. Without minimising.

In comparison to this time last year (before I even knew about the affair, just knew things weren't right), I feel a lot happier.

I think anyone can forgive if they want to and they know what they have and can have in the future is worth doing that for. But ultimately it is your wife's decision, not yours, and you need to take on board a lot of the extremely good advice others have posted here.

badbaldingballerina123 · 03/01/2015 16:16

Unless you have experienced the pain of infidelity you cannot comprehend what your wife is going through. I feel for her. Personally I have tried to forgive a lot less than what you have done and could not.

What is it that you were running away from , and have you resolved this now ?

Funkywotsits · 03/01/2015 16:35

Wow Wow Wow!!!
Such a lot of brilliant view points and advice.
I really feel overwhelmed by the amount of passion this issue evokes.
I took a risk on posting on here, as I said before I feared some of the responses.
Where do I start??
Chocnuts: Can I say I’d forgive DW if the tables were turned??? Hindsight is a wonderful thing!!!
I’d say yes I would IF she demonstrated the regret I feel ,sought help with her issues and understood my hurt and all of the above.
Your comment about “business as usual” Do you mean another affair?
That’s not BAU for me, this was a one off never to be repeated thing, that I know wholeheartedly.

Amantes: I take 10000% ownership of my affair, no ifs or but’s.
I will continue with my counselling in order to be all that I need to be and all DW and DC need ( and deserve) me to be. I have learnt the most horrid lesson possible and can say I’m ashamed of being that person.
Chirppy: My aim is to accept my 18yr ( 7 yrs married) relationship has ended, I now wish to be given a chance to build a new shaped life with my DW, DC, Family and Friends.
Timetoask: God I love my wife,I wish I had been able to talk to her and not seek support (yes support not only sex) in OW. My life was one of total stress and emotional exhaustion ,I ran away rather than face things and ask for help.
Vivacia: I did not find better or could find better, My wife is the best. I could see that re above and its took acknowledgment of years of mental health issues to see that,I feel I have new eyes on the world.I need to continue to get better and be stronger, because we have a long road ahead to even start our life again together.I also need to allow time and space for my wife to rebuild,grow and make decisions on the rest of her life.
Nettletea: Wow,Such good advice and so much food for thought.
As noted we have been together 18yrs,married for 7.We have two great kids 8/10.

I’ve always been a totally hands on dad, pulled my weight, shared the parenting.I work FT as run my own business ( 24/7 job) I honest feel my running away from this “happy life” was part due to burnout mentally. Hence the current therapy!
Loving freedom: We’ve had a couple of coffee’s when the boys were at school ,I invited my DW out for dinner over Xmas,but she advised “Not yet ready” I respect that and will not pressure her.
Dessertrek: Part of rebuilding is to rebuild me also,I feel I’ve done ok so far.
I live alone in a flat, Continue to work FT, Not applying any pressure or hassle to my wife.
I see a counsellor every week, and use other networks of support if needs be post sessions.
I appreciate this is not a quick fix.
Brian: Brilliant post, again lots of food for thought.
Re I'm guessing that the reasons are essentially twofold, I echo Dessertrek thoughts.
Jonesthesteam: A beacon of hope for me,I echo “In comparison to this time last year (before I even knew about the affair, just knew things weren't right)”
We were unhappy then, things needed to change.I took a terrible way to ensure that happened, but if any positive can come from this ( and we are together again) then a change in parts of our relationship was needed.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 03/01/2015 16:39

Have you had a drink?

3mum · 03/01/2015 17:03

Nettletea and TheylearnedfromBrian - brilliant posts which together summarised everything I went through after finding out that my longtime exH had cheated better than anything else I have seen. They should be preserved as future reference points like the midlife crisis script.

Funkywotsits · 03/01/2015 17:27

Have I had a drink Vivacia?
Uh???

OP posts:
Funkywotsits · 03/01/2015 17:29

Babalding: I couldn't face my past.
I'd experienced things in my past that have shaped my whole adult life.
Shaped relationships,friendships,parenthood and my own low self worth.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 03/01/2015 17:35

You came across a bit perky to me.

Funkywotsits · 03/01/2015 17:41

No not had a drink ( yet) I'm always 'perky' when I have my kids over to stay,It's a huge boost,Keeps me going at low times tbh.
Badbalding: Not resolved,but resolving as in counselling now.
NB I'm not sat posting on here in front of kids,they're safely engrossed in Minecraft and Haribo Wink

OP posts:
Izzie595 · 03/01/2015 17:47

JonesTheSteam, I hope you didn't mind me pasting that. As I said, I had no idea where I got it from. I didn't even "do" MN at the time. It acted as such a good reference point to me. As I said on my post, we are now separated. I scored him on it, say no more. I'm so glad it worked out for you. I still believe that marriages can be salvaged after an affair, provided etc etc. although in my case, were I ever to marry again, it would be a case of once bitten.

Sophrosyne · 03/01/2015 17:48

Short answer: Forgive, yes (but you may never know if she has or hasn't...forgiveness isn't for you sake, only hers), Forget, NEVER.

You had one shot and you blew it. No sympathies for the wicked.

I hope she finds someone who cherishes her love like the precious jewel it is and never treats her like a piece of garbage, like you.

maddy68 · 03/01/2015 17:51

She might forgive and she might not.
Her trust has gone in you and you will need to work very hard at gaining this back.
You need to be totally honest with her snout everything.
This will not happen overnight if at all but there is always the real chance that she will give things amother try.
Good luck