Remember ChuckTheFuckleBrothers?

[IveBeenADick]

Well it turns out you were all right.

I am utterly destroyed & in need of some hand-holding - can I come back please?

Are you happy for him to walk in and out of your life whenever he feels like it? People only treat you how you allow yourself to be treated, this could go on and on with him picking you up then leaving again. Much better to draw a line in the sand. New year tomorrow, please let your ad's take effect, as a pp said it can take a few weeks to get into your system, hopefully you will feel much stronger when they are.
And yes to pp who said you need to be proactive rather than reactive to a possible pregnancy, how would you manage a pregnancy with all the hormones flooding your body. If you think it may make him come back to you just read the pregnant and alone thread.

Do you see the impact this man is having on your family? Him coming back doesn't fix it, it extends the destruction. This is a relationship of a couple of months and he's made you want to end it all because he's not that interested in you.

And Teeb, I don't think this level of pain IS normal - I'm sure it wasn't this bad when I broke up with STBXH

You stated suicidal thoughts after, rather than standard break up emotion. You are right it's not normal op. What are you going to do about it?

I don't know. This is exactly how my first husband made me feel - it went on for years (although he was violent too). I only got away from him by getting involved with someone else (H was seeing another woman so he didn't care). Clearly I've learnt nothing in the last 20 years.

Are you having any form of counselling? I hope you have people in rl you can lean on

Have you spent much time where you haven't been dependent on a man?

You need mental health support immediately. Please go to your GP and ask for help.

I agree with Ehric.
For your dcs sake, reach out and get some professional help.

Yes, I've had counselling. I am a broken, unfixable mess. There was 9 months between breaking up with STBXH & meeting Mr WM, before that I was single for a year or so. Not gonna get to see a GP any time soon am I? It's new year.

And no, not much in the way of RL support & I'm embarrassed to ask, it seems ridiculous.

Just sent him another text. I hate myself.

Please, OP, reach out and ask for help right now.

Do you have any RL support at all? Friends/family etc.

Would you be able to block his number and all social media stuff? Say to yourself I know it hurts but thank goodness I've got out early enough and not 1/2/5/10 years down the line.

3 months in and think of all the times you've cried. Are the "good times" really worth it?

If you've recently started on your ADs you may well feel quite loopy for a while. Even if you were feeling completely fine mentally they can have that effect on some people.

I'm not sure how realistic a prospect a GP is at 6pm on New Year's Eve, the OP would be lucky to get hold of one. You could try their out of hours' care or your local Crisis mental health team.

It sounds as if the trauma you've experienced in the past has created a pattern of being attracted to trauma. It certainly sounds as if you're addicted to him as you say, or codependent. But I think your being very hard on yourself to say you've learnt nothing, it's not true. Within 3 months you'd identified red flags in your relationship and came on here to discuss it. Again you're reaching out.

Please, please continue to reach out and take the help that is available, whether from NHS mental health services, organisations such as Codependent's Anonymous, and support services for women who've experienced abuse.

OP I understand, this was me only weeks ago. You need time. Please block all contact. Your health comes before anything. He could be the nicest man in the world and it STILL would not be worth feeling like that.

Time will heal. But not if you keep contacting him. It's like ripping off a scab.

Is this what you want for your children? Focus on YOU and them not this complete assholw, please.

I know it hurts but it will get easier, it will.

Draw a line and leave him behind in 2014. Doesn't matter who did what or whose fault anything is. It's a relationship that's very bad for you and that's all you need to know. Ring the Samaritans if you can't cope tonight.

It's done now, you texted him, no need to hate yourself for having a wobble. I'm sure your family and friends would be devastated if they knew how bad you are feeling and didn't feel you could ask for their help, I know I would be.

Can you delete his number? It will only make you feel worse every time you contact him. Every time you feel like contacting him write it down and send it to yourself or post on here.
Once Friday comes make it a priority to get your mental health dealt with, contact a mental health charity, see your GP and please talk to your family and friends.

I missed your most recent post - no-one is unfixable or broken behind repair - unless they're permanently insane - which you are clearly not. You are lucid and rational, it's just that you are hurt and distressed. The kind of damage you've experienced can take some time to fix. But it is possible.

Twinkle great post

You need to stop craving for his attention and stop sending him desperate messages. It's making you look more stupid then you already have been... But you already know that.

Stop this self torture and put your phone down/off and pull your big girl panties on and tell yourself that he was a prick anyway and he's done you a massive favour by ending it.

It was never going to end well.

If you was my friend in real life I think I would have slapped you by now

Look, stop hurting yourself because he isn't around to do it for you anymore. This self loathing isn't going to help you!

Op are you the poster with the Psychology degree?

I think I recall your previous posts and how you were on a road to self destruction. You didn't take kindly to any suggestions of counselling etc and were bouncing off the walls with anticipation as to whether he would reply....chase you....the Mind games were endless....and you seemed to thrive on it.

You sound even more wrapped up in the ugliness of it all.

I doubt it will end well.

There has to come a point when you say enough. But that has to come from you OP.
Good luck.