Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Leaving today

97 replies

sus14 · 29/12/2014 10:10

After 4 days now of my abusive h being absolute vile ever morning , in front of dd, and after 6 years of abuse, I've reached my snapping point and told him either he leaves today or we will. Getting out will
Be tricky but I plan to take her to the library in a bit and text him to say we are not returning to house until
He leaves.

I did have a plan, in fact have had many plans over past few years but the pressure in my chest now is so immense I can't take any more of this. I can hardly breathe and I ve felt like this for 3 days straight with the constant horribleness from him.

I know lots of ladies are in and have been in my position so posting on here to document my escape and to
Make sure I go through with this.

OP posts:
afreshstartplease · 29/12/2014 10:13

Well done you

You won't regret it

I am nearly 2 months past him leaving and at times it is a struggle I admit but you just have to keep reminding yourself how far you have come

KindleKind · 29/12/2014 10:13

All the best. Do you have any friends or family who can help out? Perhaps look after dd for you?

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 29/12/2014 10:15

Good luck. You deserve better, so does your DD.

arlagirl · 29/12/2014 10:15

Good luck my love.

Ohfourfoxache · 29/12/2014 10:16

Well done. This is he first day of the rest of your life Thanks

hellsbellsmelons · 29/12/2014 10:17

Well done on making the decision to get out for your own sanity and that of your DC!
Not one single person ever left an abusive partner and regretted it!
You'll feel so free.
Keep strong.
Good luck!

NameChange30 · 29/12/2014 10:17

Hi sus14, great to hear you've made this decision. You're doing the right thing!
Remember to take your passports and other essential documents with you. Contact Refuge if you need advice or a place to stay: the number is 0808 2000 247.
There is also advice on leaving an abusive partner here: www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/help-for-women/planning-to-leave/
Good luck and stay strong. You can do it.

TonightTonight · 29/12/2014 10:17

Will he leave? Are you able to take important documents and personal items with you just in case? Have you somewhere to go?

TonightTonight · 29/12/2014 10:17

X posted!

Original poster
sus14 · 29/12/2014 10:17

I have family a bus ride away and so
My immediate plan is to go out locally without the car so he won't suspect that is me leaving, and get dd there, and return later with someone or police to get more stuff.

If he leaves I was going to see about getting a chain put on the door so he can't return while I m asleep .

OP posts:
CogitOIOIO · 29/12/2014 10:18

Please be very careful and consider contacting the police non emergency number 101 as a precaution. The most dangerous point in this process is when you declare it's over... when the abusive controller realises they have 'lost'. That's when it can go from vile to violent if it hasn't already.

Womens Aid may also be able to help you and I'd also recommend you contact them. Do you have friends or family that can be supportive? What happens if you go to the library, tell him to leave and he refuses? That's the kind of plan to make.

Good luck

Original poster
sus14 · 29/12/2014 10:18

He's busy de icing car as if he is leaving but he's not packed so its all a bluff.

OP posts:
Original poster
sus14 · 29/12/2014 10:20

I can stay with family tonight and then will see about going away for a few days . One day at a time I think, I ve failed in the past by thinking too far ahead and getting overwhelmed. Just need to be able to breathe properly again

OP posts:
ceecee32 · 29/12/2014 10:22

You can do this - Good Luck.

In time you will be able to say that its the best decision you have ever made

KindleKind · 29/12/2014 10:26

If you leave the key in the door, can he still get in from the outside? You might find he can't and it's a stopgap measure until you get a chain/bolt.

NameChange30 · 29/12/2014 10:27

IF you can get him to leave, change the locks and get a bolt. But you might have to leave yourself.

TheFourthLobster · 29/12/2014 10:32

When you go back take somebody with you in case he says he has left the house but is actually still there.

TonightTonight · 29/12/2014 10:45

Someone will come along and tell you you are not allowed to change the locks. I think I t is worth remembering that the punishment for changing locks is not death; it is just possibly being told you have to give him a key.

Original poster
sus14 · 29/12/2014 10:58

He went for a shower so we went to the library. Dd is happy here for a bit so will take stock. I've texted him to say I don't want to live with him anymore and I don't believe he will leave so we have. We ll go and get some lunch after this .

OP posts:
TonightTonight · 29/12/2014 11:14

Have you turned location services off on your phone?

Original poster
sus14 · 29/12/2014 11:14

What I can't stand is that all of his abuse is in front of our dd. he's ok when she's gone to bed. It's just so fucked up. We re having a nice time in the morning and every morning since Christmas he's got up and been utterly horrible to me for no reason, and its lasted til lunchtime. And I avoid retaliating because dd is there so she just seems him being nasty and me doing nothing to stand up for myself. That's what makes it so hard to breathe, it makes me feel like I m having an out of body experience or something as there is nothing I can do to stop what is happening. So we left.

Dd is already asking to go home as she wants to play with her new toys :-(

OP posts:
ceecee32 · 29/12/2014 11:28

She will be able to play with her toys later when you can safely get them from the house or when he has left.
Your gut is telling you what to do - just listen to it.

oneowlgirl · 29/12/2014 11:34

Good luck Op, stay strong.

TheGuiltEatsMe · 29/12/2014 11:43

I agree, even if you can't legally changed the locks, do so and then deal with it after because you have every right to feel safe in your home. If you are afraid of him no sensible person would expect you to let him back in.

I do hope he agrees to leave. Men like this have no right to keep the roof over their heads and deny their own child and the mother the right to remain in their home.

Take some with you if you go back.

TheGuiltEatsMe · 29/12/2014 11:44

*someone with you.