help me play MIL bingo and survive this week

[onemiddlefinger]

First of all I have to admit I don't know how MIL bingo works exactly
but it sounds like it could help in making this week a bit more bearable.

My ILs are visiting and the first 2 days were ok, but yesterday evening I came home to find MIL ironing DH's clothes, ALL OF THEM.
We live in a small flat, there were clothes everywhere in the living room sofas and on the kitchen table (basically all our living area surfaces), she was ironing with a loose cable in the middle of the room whilst my 2 year old was running around. Later I barely managed to stop DS from pulling the iron on top of himself as she had stepped away for a second.

Also my DH and FIL had (totally unnecessarily) changed the kitchen tap to some horrible giant monstrosity that ILs had gifted us, apparently it was expensive so I should be grateful. All I managed to say when I walked in the kitchen was "oh, my god!", DH realised that I didn't like it and was then sulking for the rest of the evening as he thought they had done such a good job. I think he is under the influence (of his parents).

I'm not even going to list all the patronising remarks that MIL likes to dish out at regular intervals - these come as a norm with her.

Please explain the MIL bingo concept to me, i'm worried I will otherwise do or say something horrible soon...

And this morning at the breakfast table she has her wash bag leaned against the nice fresh bread on the bread board...

And this morning at the breakfast table she has her wash bag leaned against the nice fresh bread on the bread board.

You have taken it off I hope?

Yes I did. It's all the more bizarre because she watched the dc and I redecorate their bedrooms a few weeks before.

However, she still isn't talking to me or dc because we are so ungrateful. It's nearly 2 years ago now. She is waiting for me to apologise:)

Op, is your dh backing you up? Or at least privately apologised for being railroaded like this?

Phew, lavender sounds quite a relief that she isn't talking to you. I suppose she did bring up Difficult Obstructive and Unreasonable ... high chance that yoru children are better off without her!

However, she still isn't talking to me or dc because we are so ungrateful.

Result.

Lavender, that's really crazy, redecorating someone's home, at least you are lucky that she isn't talking to you anymore.

MIL is ironing again, i was wondering when it was going to happen. She asked DH for the iron, whilst i was putting DS down for a nap. And again DH didn't think there was anything wrong with it as long as DS is sleeping.
I am now in the bedroom reading (well MNing really) as I refuse to go and sit in the living room and watch her iron.

I have not discussed the tap with DH at all yet, because i just can't handle ILs as well as possible argument with DH at the same time.
Once they are gone i will approach the penis tap topic.

It's weird that most of their visit they both look really bored and miserable, yet they insisted on a 7 day visit, it's like they have instructions they need to follow and tick off.

1. 7 day visit with DS, DGS and DIL - check
2. make everyone as miserable as us - check (except for DS, i guess he's too young)
3. go home and make plans for the next visit

Seriously, take the plug off the iron. Pretend it's not safe. Is she still only ironing DH's stuff or has she moved on now?

You can't possibly sit and watch her iron, so she's commandeered the living room, like both ILs have the kitchen with their Abattoir Tap.

Can you make next year's visit shorter?

Chesterton , two table clothes and a tea towel to provoke napkin envy? Well played made me lol IRL.

Something a nan took clothes off her GC to iron them How about playing with them.

Anyway I'm off to look at the tap. I like the industrial ones BTW.

I like the industrial aka flaccid penis tap however, this is way too big and doesn't suit it's surroundings.

Your dh must have a lot of clothes!:) what is she ironing? She must be bored, tbh, and 7 days! Do they live far?

Perhaps next year things will be different. Will you go there?

So she's now chased you into a corner of your own home? Next stop, out the door, leaving her as queen of all she surveys. You need to grow a pair OP and stand up to her. Start with baby steps - give her the rug back. Good luck.

Penis tap

I managed to put a stop to the ironing when DS woke up, she didn't think to stop it herself.
Then she moved on to mending DH's trousers (DH asked her!), last time she did this there were needles on the floor next to DS playmat , when he was about 6months old

They do live quite far (thank God), we usually go to visit them during the summer but I refuse to go during Christmas anymore as they dont heat the house properly and it's always really cold and dark and depressing - no candles, minimal lights to save energy, never any fire in the fireplace (it will make it dirty you see) and the last time the only reason they had a small Christmas tree was because DH told them I wouldn't come otherwise (true, but honestly, was it necessary to say that?!), they also don't do a special Christmas meal, so basically it's like any other day except they do presents.

I definitely don't want to go through another 7 day visit and will try to limit to 4 days max next time.
Unfortunately now that we have kid(s), they want to see us more often, I don't know how to manage that

Just to clarify they are not hard up, quite the opposite actually.

But whose ironing was she doing, middlefinger? Was she still doing DH's stuff only or had she branched out?

Managing the visits

• get a dog and say you can't leave it. This is quite extreme but works very well.
• 3 nights max. Don't discuss it. Say the dates and that's it. IF they fuss say you have plans. You don't have to discuss these plans as its not up for their yes or no. Plan the time with military precision. Look up the events/ activities in the area and book.
• as your dc get older they want to see friends. This is normal. The world doesn't stop, and surely building relationships with peers is important.
• have xmas at yours. 3 days max and invite other people. Planning is the key.
• remove iron and board to undisclosed location.
• your dh doesn't need his trousers mended. He is trying to find her things to do. Ask her to make a patchwork quilt or paint a picture. Can she knit/ crochet? Get her to teach you and ds. The devil makes work for idle hands:)

OMG you lot are still going on about this poor woman ironing - what is the problem - she was doing it while the LO was napping. She's probably bored and thinks she's being useful. And some of you are talking about her being rude - when the OP stuffs a Christmas present into a cupboard the MIL bought for her GS's bedroom - ok so it doesn't go with the décor and it's a bit odd to just put it in the room, but how rude is that. Why couldn't you just wait till she'd gone and put it away. Someone suggested the OP said something like "we don't need any more rugs so would you like to take it home with you.........." and then you're all talking about the MIL being rude!!

Oh and the flaccid penis tap "joke" (yawn) still it seems to be amusing most of you. We've got one as DP wanted it when we had a new kitchen - I wasn't that keen but it's quite useful as you can pull the rubber hose out of it and rinse off the drainer etc.

And NO carabos the OP hasn't been "chased into a corner of her own home" - she has chosen to remove herself, which could be perceived as a bit rude. And please tell me why should she give the rug back - I can't believe that there seem to be so many spiteful young women on this thread, going on about rudeness and then telling the OP to give the rug back..........it was a present FGS............do you usually give presents back? No I thought not...........it's just because she happens to be a MIL.

Oh and some of these MILs, putting their wash bags by the bread - OMG that's beyond shocking. I'd "go NC" over that.....or maybe she's toxic.

7 days is far too long for a visit but it's not surprising they want to see you more often as they want to have contact with their grandchildren - they might even love them - stranger things have happened. And I think children have the right to have a relationship with their grandparents and other members of their extended family.

It makes me very sad to see so many really unpleasant comments about a MIL who as far as I can see has had the audacity to iron and give her GS a rug for his bedroom as a gift, oh and given a tap that the OP had mentioned she liked earlier in the year. Oh yes and she's mending DP's trousers and he asked her to, but it's still not ok is it...........

As I said before there is something I know that you don't - but you will one day. When your DS's grow into adult DS's you will love them as much as you do now, your instinct to protect them will still be there and yes you might even want to do their ironing but there will be a woman (most likely) who may misconstrue your natural emotions and will find you irritating/boring and probably unpleasant and won't want you visiting too often - and she might give you back gifts that you take for your DGC and she might not be too keen on you having much contact with the children.

Believe me that time will come quicker than you think and if you are as unpleasant as you are now as young women, I dread to think what you'll be like in your middle/old age.

Nana, you haven't read the thread properly. The rug wasn't a present. It appeared in the ops home as a done deal, as did the tap. The mil chooses to iron only the dh clothes. She could go for a walk, sightsee, play with her gc instead. She's not under house arrest, presumably.

Tripot,
still just DH clother, i'm also amazed how many clothes he has. And he complains how my clothes take up so much space.

Lavender,
Thanksgor the ideas. Dog is out of the question for now (no space), but 3 day max seems a good idea, however DH is the weak link and usually let's them decide the length without much discussion at all, I'm working on that.

Nana,
I think that for someone who doesn't have experience with a difficult MIL it might be hard to understand the dynamics.
I admit that i'm bitter about her, but it's not because of the 3 day ironing spree or the rug etc, I have known her for 10 years and have during that time realised many times that she really doesn't like or respect me (and that was when I really triedto be liked). I think after a while you just have enough and then even a genuine gesture will make you suspicious of her motives.
Also the issue isnot so much that she gifted us a rug or a tap, but went ahead and placed the items how, when and where she deemed appropriate (ok, tap was IL And DH, but she is usually the decision maker).
However when we stay at their place in DH's room, and have left a few things out of place or not exactly as it was we have been told off for that repeatedly, so it clearly doesn't work both ways.

I'm really grateful for all the posters on this thread- it has really helped me during this week, i've had a place to vent and be told (for the most part) that i'm right to be annoyed. I think that's all you need sometimes.
So thank you and hope you all have a lovely end to this year!

Sorry for all the typos, i'm not so good at typing on the phone.

onemiddle, I think if your DH is not acutely embarrassed that his mother has ironed all of his clothes whilst ignoring those of his wife and child, that's what needs to be tackled once the PIL have gone. It is quite staggeringly rude.

I honestly believe indifference is the best attitude to have with overbearing mils. I spent the first ten years of my marriage getting wound up with my mil overstepping the line by doing daft things like ironing, repacking dp's suitcase after I had done it, etc.
Now I just let her get on with it and keep my contact with her to a minimum. I gave up talking to dp about how irritating she is years ago. It's his mum, he loves her and it solves very little by kicking up a stink anyway. I realised that mil wanted to provoke a reaction from me, now she is better because I don't react to her passive aggressiveness.

Oh dear!
I didn't think i was going to post again, i thought it was just this last day, how hard can it be, right? Wrong.

FIL is in a bad mood for some reason and has been shouting at MIL and making sarky comments to DH too.

MIL spent 1h on skype to her sister, which is all good except she was in the living room and so loud that it was impossible to hold a conversation at the same time, so the rest of us sat for an hour listening to them gossip-shout about their other sister.

However this is all minor, but leading up to the main event.
An ironing stand off with MIL.
She asked DH for the ironing board when DS went for a nap. DH said "no mum, leave it, it's not necessary"
She insisted and after DH saying several times to leave it, she went to get the ironing board herself.
The steamcleaner fell over with a huge bang and forced DH to go and help.
But he still tried to stop her - therefore the ironing stand off in the hallway, both holding onto the board.
Eventually he was able to stop her, by saying that the iron is in the bedroom where DS sleeps, so can't go and wake him.

So there, the situation is calm now, although there is talk of MIL calling the other sister.

Goodness OP. when do they go??

Oh my!

She's doing my nut in and I'm nowhere near you. If you ARE in the Derby/Notts area I can come and take the iron for you for a few days.