help me play MIL bingo and survive this week

[onemiddlefinger]

First of all I have to admit I don't know how MIL bingo works exactly
but it sounds like it could help in making this week a bit more bearable.

My ILs are visiting and the first 2 days were ok, but yesterday evening I came home to find MIL ironing DH's clothes, ALL OF THEM.
We live in a small flat, there were clothes everywhere in the living room sofas and on the kitchen table (basically all our living area surfaces), she was ironing with a loose cable in the middle of the room whilst my 2 year old was running around. Later I barely managed to stop DS from pulling the iron on top of himself as she had stepped away for a second.

Also my DH and FIL had (totally unnecessarily) changed the kitchen tap to some horrible giant monstrosity that ILs had gifted us, apparently it was expensive so I should be grateful. All I managed to say when I walked in the kitchen was "oh, my god!", DH realised that I didn't like it and was then sulking for the rest of the evening as he thought they had done such a good job. I think he is under the influence (of his parents).

I'm not even going to list all the patronising remarks that MIL likes to dish out at regular intervals - these come as a norm with her.

Please explain the MIL bingo concept to me, i'm worried I will otherwise do or say something horrible soon...

Thanks for all your posts, made me smile and i needed it.

In the end DH and DS came to pick me up after all, then we had a horrible argument in the car, about vegetables of all things and now the mood is snything but christmassy.

MIL was ironing when we got back but this time there was less surfaces covered in clothes and DH asked her to stop.

Also who mentioned (sry i'm on my phone , can't go back to check the name) 4 napkins - there are just 2, they took napkins for themselves, these napkins are now sitting on our kitchen table for the past 3 days and will continue for the next 3, unless i use some of these great ideas.
Unfortunately we don't have a pet, but could red wine option.

Re the ironing DH seems to think she is genuinely doing this to be nice, but i have found that generally he does not like to see any fault in hid DM, so not sure.
She certainly hasn't offered to iron mine.

I haven't forgotten the sink photo, but need to wait for a moment when no one is here

Batteries,
I would like to be able to say that, but the truth is i'm not brave enough - in DH family you never say stuff like that and it would probably lead to a big fall out

Here is the tap. I wish i had a pic of the old tap in comparison. The old one was about half the hight of this one (and it was a normal average size tap)

Oh God I hate those taps probably because I don't know how to use them Lots of people seem to love them though.

God that is ugly! Will you just remove it when they have gone and say it broke?

It's stamping all over your boundaries to do this - she may as well shit in the corner.

Wouldn't a "big fall out" be lovely and peaceful though?

Meand, ne neither!! Sometimes you have to use 2 levers to get water and sometimes 1 depending on which position it was left before, so annoying.
Also the normal tap part is so clise to the egde of the sink its very uncomfortable to use, the shower part only works whilst holding down the lever, so useless for washing up

so it's one of those taps with a hose thingy?
had ond once and the hose under the sink constantly got caught with the junk stuff that's stored underneath...

HamPort,
I really hope we can remove it, but so far DH is not admitting that it was a mistake, and I don't want to bring it up yet... I'm really hoping he will come to the conclusion himself

My MIL has a fixation with my DSs hair she brings it up at every opportunity. It's a shame I have decided never to invite her for Christmas ever again or the bingo thing would keep DH and I sane for the duration of Xmas dinner.
Last year I asked if they would like to join us for Christmas to which she replied "I'd like to wait and see what other offers I get before I decide where to go".
As for DSs hair I have made it more than clear she is not to touch it. He is not allowed hair below his collar at school so it's not as though you can tie it up in fact it's a very conservative style.

My MIL actually started putting a basket of clean washing that was in our room away last week. I was very pee'd off as I felt it was over stepping a boundary, and also because she does not know where things live, and some if the washing was my washable sanitary towels!!

Oh gosh, that all sounds horrendous.

My MIL washed and ironed all of our clothes we left behind when we went on honeymoon. She doesn't iron her own clothes (she pays for them to be done) but ironed every single item herself. Including the paper pants I had worn for a spray tan that had somehow ended up in laundry basket. We were supposed to be grateful (and I was to an extent) but in reality, she crossed a line and I shouldn't have to thank her still ten years later.

Ok tangent! OP could you use the napkins to take a discharge sample to the midwife? too far?

OMFG 2 napkins how hostile is that!!

Your toddler must be at risk of a toilet training accident surely ?? a big fake wee or poo under the table = grab the napkins to mop up....please please do this for Mumsnet!

Such typical dynamics of a dysfunctional family the overbearing controlling Mother - who does and says whatever irrational things she likes - which are all rooted in hostility to the interloper (ie you) and the walking on eggshells son and husband who have long since tuned out and who choose not to see, or check her behaviour because they KNOW she will flip out and cause a scene....but (unwittingly?) they accept, enable, accomodate and encourage her bad /mad behaviour.

She controls 24/7 -- overtly (when she is doing something bad/mad in the moment) and covertly (the rest of the time) because everyone is paralysed by the fear of an overblown, disproportionate, tantrum/eruption if she is ever called to task on anything.

Maybe it will break and have to be urgently replaced (water spraying everyweher) while DH is at work?

Horrid. And it will be impossible to keep clean.

I know how to fashion a napkin into a penis. Will this help?

So they have brought napkins solely for their own use? Can you ostentatiously wash and iron them every day? Just them, nothing else? If you have starch (does anyone have starch?) starch them too.

The sluicer tap thing looks like it'd be great if you were going to be bathing dogs in the sink. Just a thought.

I thought that this sort of stuff was what families did for each other?

My mum had one of those taps briefly and said it was useless. I cant believe they did not consult you!

Regarding the napkins, my inlaws used to bring their own teapot to our house, but they dont do that now.

MyOneandYoni its OK to do stuff like that if you are asked. Its not OK to just decide it needs doing and cover your DIL's living room in clothes!

Not far enough Werewolf!

Laundry is so personal did she rummage around in YOUR bedroom, in YOUR cupboards, amongst YOUR clothes to retrieve DH clothes....I would be tempted to leave some disturbing items in the cupboards just to fuck her off when she returns his clothes loads of sex toys and hard core porn, whatever - just to give her a fright! (flush)

yoni so you wouldn't mind if a member of your family changed your fixtures and fittings in your home without asking?

I think you will find most people have firmer boundaries than that but if it wouldn't upset you, each to their own and all that

Thank you for your own MIL stories, it's good hear there are plenty of crazy ones out there (sorry)

I love the crazy and disgusting suggestions for the napkins, i'm thinking which one i could get away with, i think DS could get away with using them for cleaning something off the floor, he lives to help me clean.

Quite right about DH and FIL enabling her, but apparently as DH says she was a lot worse when he was a kid

At the same time FIL is no angel and DH apparently caught him twice already snooping in his google drive files, very odd.

My mother brings her own gravy granules.

That's nothing to how she was before age weakened her.

She's a nasty person, but I won't be getting another mother any time soon so I put up with it.

I would either casually drop some of your stuff pn her ironing pile and say "while you're at it, be a darling..."

Or else say to dh, is it not about time you did your own darling. Your poor dm shouldn't be doing yoyr ironing for you"

As for toddler and ironing. No. She needs to be careful. Iron burns on kids are horrific because of thin skin. He could be scarred for life just so she can make some kind of PA point about how badly she brought up her son ironing.

Quite right about DH and FIL enabling her, but apparently as DH says she was a lot worse when he was a kid

Yep that was because she erupted when challenged - now they don't challenge, so she doesn't erupt - so she has got them where she wants them....

Going forward you DH needs to check EVERYTHING with you before agreeing to anything with them - then it is YOUR call if it is acceptable, appropriate etc -- because he cant tell the difference - then he communicates back your JOINT decision.

Try and laugh together about the batshit crazy stuff - but seriously ensure your DH now learns to identify what is appropriate behaviour in normal families and what is controlling and dysfunction.

Call her on everything - but always in a cool, confident, calm way -

"Did you mean to be so rude? etc"

As the minute you appear even curt they will all go into meltdown and side with her due to their irrational fear of standard healthy confrontation and conflict which they know will lead to an eruption -- and you will have "caused" this this eruption will be worse that anything your MIL could say or do, in their eyes - so you will be to blame - and then have to apologise for "upsetting MIL"...