why women should mske men wait for sex...Modern dating and dtd before commitment.

[gottafindaman4yagirl]

Opinions on dtd too soon while dating. Been doing online dating for six months after being in a 12 marriage.
Waiting 5-6 weeks before having sex, no sex before commitment.
"you want to find out if a man is serious about you? Wait to have sex with him.If you don't- don't be surprised if a decent percentage of men never call again."
I read this on a Evan Marc Katz site on understanding men and finding love.
With modern dating which takes up time, effort and can be a miserable experience trying to find a decent partner.

I am constantly worrying about dtd too soon, is sex really the prize that keeps men interested or gets them eager to get to know a woman.
What if women do wait 5-6 weeks and invest time and emotional in a man to find sexually they are not compatible.
Do men really look down on women who have sex too soon, making it too easy.

Male opinions welcomed
I personally think it shouldn't matter how soon as long as there's attraction, its safe and consented. Women enjoy sex and its always made out that men are always thinking about sex.
I am dating a guy and I want to dtd very early into dating, being sexually compatible is important to me.
Is the man going to feel I was given too soon and to easy to respect me enough to be in a committed relationship.

"Easy" and proud here

Jan that is a disgustingly misogynist post you have written at 13.36

Like I care what you think Helena, carry on love.

Patronising as well as misogynistic I wonder what you will say to complete the hat trick!

I think the big issue is when people think that, after sex, they have some deeper emotional bond or it "proves" their love - when in fact, at a basic level, you have simply exchanged bodily fluids.

Many people separate love and sex - society still encourages men to do this more than women.

You need to be realistic about whether this is an emotional bond or a massive hormone induced attraction.

I also agree this online man sounds dodgy! If he thinks you are perfect there's only one way his opinion is going to go as you get to know each other, isn't there?

Isnt the man just as responsible for the sex that takes place You are intimating that he cant say no and isnt responsible Jan That is rape culture.

Helena, we all have standards, mine's of not having sex with a stranger the first night I meet him is never going to change, no matter what you call me.

Isnt the man just as responsible for the sex that takes place You are intimating that he cant say no and isnt responsible Jan That is rape culture.

Eh?

How did we get from waiting beyond Date 1 to rape?

Migg He seems besotted and I cant let myself get too emotionally involved unless I'm sure he can handle my bad points. Maybe I should write them down for him or get my ex to make a list :)

sex is far more enjoyable when the two people actually know and like each other.

Actually, just saying, but you can have terrific sex with someone you don't know particularly well often much more fun than sex with someone you've had sex with millions of times and it's all a bit predictable.

I quite like the idea of sex on the table, though. As long as the table can stand it.

The only time waiting to have sex is going to lead to a happy relationship is when both partners are people with low-ish libidos who think that sex is not very important and maybe a bit icky. Couples where both partners are simply not that bothered about sex can be very happy as long as they ignore the mainstream guff about how many times a week 'normal' people do it.
Otherwise waiting for sex (or 'making the man wait') is a fairly crap idea. It's not only manipulative - he's got to perform all these tasks to get within sniffing distance of the Sacred Vagina - but it actually cuts you off from your own sexuality to treat sex as a prize or a type of currency and separate the concept of dropping your knickers from any kind of desire or pleasure.

Solidgoldbrass, I am living proof that the first sentence of your post above is absolutely not true.

Me too. :)

I second the recommendation for Not Tonight Mr Right. Its a good book.

What I find baffling when women advocate casual sex, is how women ACTUALLY react to a man saying he only wants a shag. Very, very few women would leap on a man who came to a first date admitting honestly that really he was only there for a quick bunk-up and then had no plans whatsoever to see or contact her again. If women take sex as lightly and recreationally as men, why isn't that an appealing offer?

Researchers at Berkley (I think) university tested the theory of peoples' attitudes to no-strings sex. A pretty female researcher and a good-looking male researcher each stopped students (of the opposite sex) and invited them either for a date or an immediate shag. 75% of the men accepted the offer of a shag but 0% of the women did. Why, if we're equal on this?

See this is probably why I was never very good at 'dating'. I loathe the mind games. Have sex if and when you want to. Simple. The good ones will stick around, the bad ones won't. I should imagine that's the same if you wait 6 hours or 6 weeks. Except you're less emotionally invested after 6 hours.

Some men want to have sex early on. Some men like to wait before having sex. Some women want to have sex early on. Some women want to wait before having sex.

I think it's whether you match or not.

A man who wants to have sex near enough straight away to see if you are compatible and a woman who wants to wait = not compatible.

A woman who wants to have sex near enough straight away to see if you are compatible and a man who wants to wait = not compatible.

A man who wants to dtd nearly straight away and a woman who wants to dtd nearly straight away = compatible.

A man who wants to wait and a woman who wants to wait = compatible.

That makes more sense to me than a blanket rule that it's not right or that it is right to have sex near enough straight away.

FWIW my first relationship was abusive and I only had sex because I felt pressured and that was after 6 months of being with him, maybe nearer to 9 months now I think about it.

My current DP, father to my daughter and who I will be marrying next year it was 6 weeks ish (mid August to start of October) and that felt right to me but maybe might not have done to others, especially considering my past feelings and experiences. But if neither he nor I were comfortable, it wouldn't have happened.

So the quicker we 'dtd' was the better relationship although that's not obviously always going to be the case. My partner respects me and know if I say I don't fancy it, that I don't fancy it. He also finds me beautiful for me and didn't pressure me into anything.

It's really individual to the couple.

I want to be a man in my next life :)
I dtd once on a first date and the experience put me off doing it again, it just didn't leave me feeling great but empty. I have a high sex drive but I prefer to make a mental connection before going to bed with a man. I dtd this time on fourth date because i felt comfortable, had time to talk to the man and build up some excitement and felt I could trust being alone with him.
I think I was foolish to of DTD on the first date with a stranger because of the danger and not because I think its not the proper thing for a lady to do.I was not thinking with my head but my animal instincts took hold. I don't think that there is as much risk for a man to go home with a women he's just met.
I think that dtd should be when it feels right to and not because its some kind of dating strategy to not come off too easy or have a man believe your trustworthy girlfriend material because you hold back on your desires because your not slutty.
Do men still care about how many men a woman has slept with? Lying about how many partners you have had?
Men have pride and egos which women don't so much maybe.

I dislike the idea of "withholding" sex, or "playing hard to get", or being the "gatekeeper", although they could relate to either sex. It just indicates childishness to me and would be a terrible foundation for any good relationship to develop.
But for me, it's more about not having everything immediately, exercising self-restraint and delaying self-gratification. I do believe that these are life skills that will help you to be successful in other areas of life - career particularly. It exercises the respect and self-control that you will need at times later in your relationship. Also, it builds tension and romance as you tiptoe around each other trying to figure out where you are going. It certainly doesn't mean that when you eventually do take the step, you are not going to be at it like rabbits, or that you have a lesser sex drive. It only means that you delayed moving to the next step until you both felt ready, even though the waiting may have felt like torture.
I do honestly think it's fine for people to have sex whenever they want to provided they are not hurting anyone, it's an entirely personal decision that no-one else can make for you.

Guy I had what I thought was a one night stand stayed for several years. I slept with exh on the first date. I might have shagged dp on the first date had there been an opportunity!
In my experience it's made no difference either way

Yes imo, you should wait, possibly not weeks but don't shag on the first date, it makes you look both desperate and easy, sorry, but that's what I think and a lot of men do too.

If a man thought that, then I would have no interest whatsoever, in having any kind of relationship with them, because it is pathetic and out dated.
Does it make the man desperate and easy too?

I think if you shag a man on a first date then you're pretty much telling him you're easy
And what does that even mean? Maybe I'm telling him that he is very shagable and I love sex. Maybe sex is important to me in a relationship. What is even wrong with being "easy"? Is it better to be a challenge or a conquest?

Jan45 What YOU want and choose for yourself, is right for YOU. You have turned it into a moral right for all women. Your rules do not apply to all women and many men are not as shallow as you think.