why women should mske men wait for sex...Modern dating and dtd before commitment.

[gottafindaman4yagirl]

Opinions on dtd too soon while dating. Been doing online dating for six months after being in a 12 marriage.
Waiting 5-6 weeks before having sex, no sex before commitment.
"you want to find out if a man is serious about you? Wait to have sex with him.If you don't- don't be surprised if a decent percentage of men never call again."
I read this on a Evan Marc Katz site on understanding men and finding love.
With modern dating which takes up time, effort and can be a miserable experience trying to find a decent partner.

I am constantly worrying about dtd too soon, is sex really the prize that keeps men interested or gets them eager to get to know a woman.
What if women do wait 5-6 weeks and invest time and emotional in a man to find sexually they are not compatible.
Do men really look down on women who have sex too soon, making it too easy.

Male opinions welcomed
I personally think it shouldn't matter how soon as long as there's attraction, its safe and consented. Women enjoy sex and its always made out that men are always thinking about sex.
I am dating a guy and I want to dtd very early into dating, being sexually compatible is important to me.
Is the man going to feel I was given too soon and to easy to respect me enough to be in a committed relationship.

it is a hardwired evolutionary fact

I must have missed that lecure during my biology degree

Oh I do love a hardwired evolutionary 'fact'

OP I think online dating is a very different kettle of fish to the dating I did in the past and I'm constantly surprised by sheer numbers of men - and women - who don't just come out and say 'no strings sex' when that's now a perfectly acceptable approach. Wastes everyone's time and causes so much heartache.

So I don't know the answer, other than to say if a man sees sex as the 'prize' and will hang about for weeks to only then dump and run, then fuck that. Much easier to just dtd, see if you're compatible in that department, then see what happens, rather than fannying around for 6 weeks wasting time...

But then, I was once on a thread where someone said everytime you have a ONS you lose a part of your soul, so what do I know?

I agree it's nonsense. I'm not a gatekeeper to sex.

Also, I've figured out after sleeping with people that they're not right for me and I've ended it. So it's not like once you've won the 'prize' the woman hangs on to it whatever regardless. I trust myself now to end a fledgling relationship if the man is not right for me. I might (don't know though) feel I should plough on and give more chances if I'd postponed sex til the thirteenth date.

Men are very visual and there's alot of talk about the chase and men like to earn a woman's affection or if she gives out too soon she's easy.

My dilemma is the man I am dating is besotted with me and my looks, hints from him of some sexual anxiety. I fancy him, have challenged him on his ott comments on my looks. He wants me to be his girlfriend and thinks I am perfect.

I want to dtd asap to see if its all ball and he's just after thing before I invest and let myself believe he's genuine.

Seems that dtd early is a good way to see if the mans is genuinely into a woman and more that sex.

Suppose I will find out. Its a shame so much dating advice is American with big the goal finding a husband.

OP - I'm going to assume that you are an adult woman, probably in or past your thirties (judging by the length of your marriage).

As such, I would hope that you have at least a degree of the self confidence and comfort in your own skin that comes with getting older.

The only right time to have sex with someone is when you are comfortable to do so, want to do so, and happy to do so. That is going to be different with every person and every relationship. The previous point about "knowing yourself" is because you should hopefully know yourself well enough to sense when you feel these things.

Personally I would not sleep with someone on a first date. Especially not someone I had met off the internet (which I've never done). I have to feel like I really understand at least the basic character of a person, that I am emotionally invested in them, and that they feel the same way about me. I have to trust them. You should only sleep with someone when you feel like you aren't going to regret it afterwards, regardless of how the relationship turns out.

When you're meeting people in real life for the first time, that just isn't enough time to feel like that. If you aren't looking for one night stands then I would advise against sex on a first date, simply because you will have no idea what the other persons intentions are until after the fact.

As another poster has sex, women are not the "gate keepers" of sex. Heaven forbid, there are plenty of men too who like to (shock horror) actually get to know a person before they have sex with them.

Woops! As another poster HAS SAID!!

kay Thanks for sound advice, by the time I get around to dtd it should be date 5.
I am in my thirties :)

I wouldn't want the sort of bloke who tried to get me into bed and then disrespected me on account of it. So it makes more sense to shag early and thus filter out the knuckle-draggers.

gotta that man you are dating has got so many red flags i dont know where to start.

He sounds shallow as well as the type to put women on a pedestal. There is no such thing as a perfect woman/man.
What will he do when you fall off said pedestal like when you have a disagreement about something.

There's also the double standard here -

If you are worried that a guy isn't going to respect you for sleeping with him early in the relationship, then why would he expect you to respect him for doing exactly the same thing?

Date 5 sounds fine, but try not to put such a definitive time frame on it.

If you spend five dates together, but it's only an hour for coffee each time, it's different to if you spend three dates together but spend the entire day on your date.

There's really no hard and fast deadline to put on it!

I think shagging early to get rid of the knuckle draggers isn't the most thought out of plans myself - it's not particularly great from a sexual health perspective, and it's rewarding the knuckle draggers for being total pricks.

But if it works for you, it works for you!

Can anyone please name me a species of mammal where the female is not more sexually selective than the male?

"I agree it's nonsense. I'm not a gatekeeper to sex."

I personally hate all this "american" crap. For me, it seems its all geared to men. Unfortunately, we do still live in a mans world. Sad but true.

Im 52 and on-line date. Yes, the majority of men on there are rather gung-ho about their approach but the beauty of it is you CAN choose who you speak to and a delete button is there for the other purpose.

I also don't want a fling so would rather get to know someone on other levels first. I lay it on the line (my profile also depicts in no uncertain terms what "I" want).

I don't invest emotionally either, these people are strangers, they are also strangers until I get a truly holistic view of them. There's no rush.

If someone doesnt want to spend time with me with my drawers on for as long as it takes "Me" to DTD then thats ok too.

The best advice I could ever give is do what "YOU" want, go at the pace "YOU" want.

From a parental investment perspective, does the male or the female have a greater incentive to be selective about who they mate with. Given that for every other species and humans up until 50 years ago..pregnancy was the likely result. You don't think it'd possible that this could play any role in instinctive human behaviour?

Knuckle-draggers can be quite good in bed. So you get a shag out of it too. And of course you use condoms. It didn't occur to me that you wouldn't.

Knuckle-draggers? what on earth are they? getting a shag out of them? Jesus christ, some women are worse than sexist men.

What does "parental investment perspective" mean?

It all sounds very complicated to me.

Why not have sex with who you want to have sex with, when you want to have sex with them, taking into account what you know of yourself emotionally?

Any man worth his salt who likes you isn't going to change his mind because you have sex.

Oh and also agree with other posters that this women gate-keepers of sex stuff is such a load of victorian bollocks.

Women have sex drives too, many women are more than capable of having cheerful no-strings sex with attractive men, and why the hell shouldn't they if that's what they want to do. Bah humbug to all this keep your knickers on to snare a man shite.

I did OLD and slept with a couple of them on the first date. They were shit in bed and both turned out to be dickheads. Glad I didn't wait three months til I was emotionally invested to find that out.

I also slept with both of my long-term partners early on. I enjoyed meself and am glad I didn't go without those glorious early days of non-stop shagging.

I just don't see the sense in waiting around for better or worse I guess.

Oh come on. All I'm saying is that the sort of bloke who somehow thinks that a woman who'll have sex with him on the first date - actually whether or not he tries to have sex with her - is not a Respectable Woman is emphatically not the sort of bloke I want to be involved with. So I might as well go ahead and do what I'd do anyway. At the very least, a potentially pleasurable time has been had by all.

There's nothing actually wrong with having sex with people you don't know very well. And as a PP has said, it can be very good fun.

Or wot they said, better than me

I have to say reluctantly that I think it's best to wait until you have built a deep romance/friendship (months?), and I know this is an unpopular view. I am oldish and rarely heeded this advice when I was younger but within my experience, this has been by far the best way. I am married for five years now, this is the only relationship in which we waited and dated properly, and I think it strengthened our relationship hugely - the desire, the care about it being right for each other, the whole consideration that went into those early months - we had time to learn this and set the tone for our later relationship and I think these are core qualities that keep a marriage happy. We still treat each other as nicely as we learnt to then.
But obviously there are perfectly happy examples of couples who didn't wait, and fair play to them!

I havent read any of the replies as i wanted to give an honest, non clouded by others, judgment on this.

ive online dated a lot, for a lot of years. To begin with, I had sex because i wanted to, and didnt care if i didnt hear from them again ( i didnt)

then, i waited a few weeks, till i couldnt any longer, and mostly, i didnt hear back from them then either. This was the same situation many of my single and dating friends found them selves in too, so, we concluded, that, if you wanted sex, have sex and that if a man was going to leave, he was going to leave if it was after the first date or the fourteenth.

Thing is, dating is hard, and online dating is really hard, and i dont know many success stories. My number i have slept with has jumped from a modest 3 pre divorce, to somewhere in the early 20's, in 6 years being single. And, to be honest, though it matters not, im kind of done with casual sex.

So, next time, should there be a next time, which, is highly unlikey as i seem to be covered in man repellant, im going to wait and make them wait. Because i want to, and if they arent ok with that, then tough.

Basically, you just need to do what you want, when you want, without worrying about your actions and how a man might see it, because, basically, the only person it matters to, is you.

As several pp have said, if a bloke is just after no strings attached shags then the earlier you establish this fact the better, "making him wait for sex" will not change him into someone looking for a long term relationship.

And if his opinions of you change because you shagged him before some sort of bullshit "ladylike" sex-free interval has elapsed, then he's a dickhead you don't want to sleep with anyway.

Best just to do what you want to do, you cannot and will not ever know what truly goes on in someone else's head, so don't try to second guess it.