For those of you that haven't followed my DH and porn thread here here is a very brief synopsis.
A few weeks ago I discovered some gay porn images that dh had printed off the internet. I was obviously concerned as I thought it might mean he was questioning his sexuality, but (thanks to mn!) got my head around this and began to view it as something potentially exciting as a way of spicing up our sex life. However despite trying to talk to dh about what he wanted in the bedroom dept. got nowhere.
A few weeks later I discovered more pictures and a pack of condoms with some missing from the pack. Obviously I thought he had taken this 'fantasy' a step further and was cheating on me - with either a man or a woman.
Well I confronted him last night, and I can tell you it was the most difficult thing I have ever done. I was shaking, heart pounding etc etc. However I did it and managed to remain calm. He went as white as a sheet and denied that he was sleeping with someone else. He basically said he was bored with our sex life as we usually do oral sex (cos he doesn't like condoms LOL - I have just gone on the mini-pill ironically to try and improve things) and used the condoms when he was masturbating. He kept on denying there was anyone else, and I kept saying 'how can I believe you with the evidence' to which he just kept saying 'well it's the truth so it's up to you whether you believe it or not'. I said if he was honest with me I was prepared to try and sort our relationship out, but unless he was totally honest there wasn't much point. He said he didn't want to leave me or the dcs or our house and I said 'well the next move's up to you'. Basically he then went to bed. He didn't put his arms round me or anything to re-assure, just got defensive and kept denying it.
This morning he re-iterated that he wasn't sleeping with anyone else and reminded me that he had got suspicious when I started wearing thongs and waxing my bikini line. (FWIW I did this cos I lost a lot of weight and started to feel good about my body and wanted to feel sexy too). I said 'yeah but I never hid those things from you'. He then said he's just been feeling really bad about himself and I said if that was the case he was suppose to talk about things with me, not hide them. We couldn't really talk much this morning as the dcs were around.
So basically where do we go from here? Has anyone ever heared of a man masturbating using condoms????? Sounds dodgy to me I have to say although I want to believe him.
There seems to be three possibilities:
1 That he was telling the truth, in which case why hide things from me, and why buy more condoms when there's plenty at home?
2 That he is questionning his sexuality, but again surely that's something he ought to tell me about?
3 That he has been cheating (don't know much about body language but if he was embarassed about the porn or w&nking surely he'd have gone red not white? Going white is a sign of guilt isn't it?)
Whichever is the case he has been keeping things from me, being deceiptful(sp?), and there is no communication, all of which I think speak volumes for how he regards both me and our marriage.
The trust has gone and it will take a long time to build back up, if it does at all.
So what do Mnetters think - is he cheating or not?
Gosh that was long - apologies and well done for getting this far!