What do you say to the guy that had an affair with your wife?

[SoBlueDiamond]

Hi MN, this is the situation,
So I find out a couple of weeks ago that my wife has been fucking the guy she sits by in work, for the past 6 months.
I also work with them both, and have had to take a week off, as I lost it, and was going to do something to him, that would have ended in me getting sacked. (his wife doesn't know)

This guy maybe coming round to the house tomorrow, while the DC (2 & 4) are here, to talk.
I will be trying hard to stay calm, but need to work out what to say.

So what I want from you guys is,

what would you say to him???

Regardless of the size of the company, these things can be treated quietly.
I had a problem once with a colleague that I dealt with my line supervisor and no one else found out about it.
Even in large companies, stories can go back to the department, so it's always a risk. But if the managers and HR are sufficiently professional, it shouldn't leak too much.
But keep in mind that it is likely that other people already know or suspect it.

To answer your question directly - say nothing to him, don't even acknowledge his existence.

All the while you can stay calm and composed, you have the moral high ground. When you're upset or angry (or both) even the most reasonable, well rehearsed speeches can go wrong. You'll end up hollering, or making threats. Then you'll be the bad guy.

So my advice would be ignore ignore ignore - speak to your manager/HR/whoever you need to and let them deal with your work situation.

HR/Management shouldn't release any information out generally.

You need to be prepared for a bit of gossip though. Some people may have guessed/suspected what was going on. Or known. So if this man is moved, tongues may start wagging. They'll be wagging with sympathy for you, though.

I agree best to ignore him altogether. It will be hard but keep your cool and blank him or just be coldly professional. If you allow yourself to let your emotions get the better of you it could end up having repercussions for you, and that would be unfair on top of everything else.

Go to HR and trust them to do the right thing. What a horrible situation for you, to have to be in such close proximity to both of them each day.

I really think that the onus should be on your wife for sorting this out.

Oh well, if you want to brush it all under the carpet and try and forget about it, that's up to you. Just bear in mind that things have changed a lot now and you are likely to feel very different, whether you want to or not.

Has she cheated before?

Don't subject your poor DC to this.

Why would you want to work it out with someone who did something so heartless to you.

I'd bin her off and kick the living fuck out of him - but that's just me.

The best advice is to pack her bags for her, ring the other chaps wife as well its the only fair thing to do