The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Driving Through A Sober Winter Wonderland.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Bus, he's called Gerald.... he takes us up and down and this wondrous land, searching high and low for Babes in need of some support, a warm place to sit and chat, and to have someone to listen to them.

So, grab a seat as we swing by your way. There's lots of hot drinks, food and fleeces, places to just be and places to sit around and chat if that's what you want.

We don't judge, because we've all be in your shoes, be they stilettos, wellies or crocs!...

We're just us, we're just honest and we just do what we can to help, if we can, when we can. Let's try and have a Merry Christmas without getting off our faces this year.

Here is the very first, emotional thread if you would like to see where this all started

And the last thread if you want to keep up!

isinde you are fabulous. That made me laugh and you're going through such tough times.

God I love this bus.

Good night
xx

Good snowy morning, babes

isinde hang in there, babes. Sending you good vibes and keep you close.

hope hun, how are you doing? You are not alone.
You gave me strength last night when I was on a verge of a meltdown.

I was thinking of sticking my tongue in a glass just to 'taste' the wine.
I suppose that, if nothing else (and there were many elses) proves sobering up isn't just a little 'fun' activity.

Day 3. My skin looks good. And I just realised I have not been pissed since xmas!

Today, I will not drink.

isinde sorry to hear about your mum, and I'm glad you got to be with her at the end

ma how are you doing this morning? I like the idea that because it's Dry January we don't need to count (although I'm 2 days behind everyone else)

OMG, isinde! Totally cracking up!
(Admittedly, I feel a little like a teenager with all the sex dreams atm!)
Moon away, babes!

I was interrupted by a neighbour before, hence my posting without reading up. Anyway, I'm really broke. I was weighing up buying a vacuum cleaner if the budget allows and decided to wait for the sales.
A neighbour just popped by to say that he has an oven (to make fire - sorry, so excited) for me and when I said sorry, I can't invite you and your dog in because I have no vacuum cleaner (and a dog and cat hair allergy - which doesn't keep me from having animals) he said - oh, I have a vacuum cleaner for you!

How fucking cool is that?!
(you should know my house is very, very old and since I can't afford shit right now, I would not have been able to buy a fire oven for a long time! (what are the things called, fireplaces?)

Things are looking up, babes!

inside I'm so very very sorry for your loss. I was ridiculously close to my Gran and was devastated when she passed. When she was alive she would say that in the circle of life in order for me to watch my children grow up and see my grandchildren be born she would have to leave me but would always be watching from afar, it helps to think of this even now. Now my mother is the Gran, me the mother and my girls the beloved grandchildren. Your lovely twins got to know her and she will live on in your heart and memories and she will most of all want you live a good and happy life. Even in grief you are amazing!!! Your mum did good raising a daughter like you and her legacy is the amazing mother you will continue to be. Xxxx

sober I loved that post, it moved and inspired me, I reckon you should become a life coach, your my sobersperation, thanks for showing us the gems the lie ahead xxxx

guggs I know it's scary but every day sober along with feeling fear and real emotion the haze of despair lifts just a little, then a little more and one day soon for both of us we will finally see the beautiful horizon beyond, hugs my dear friend xxx

khalisi sounds like some positive stuff today and 3 cheers for lovely neighbour.
On the plus side, I have lost 2 lbs.
On the minus I am having to fight this fucking depression and low mood which is hovering at the edges of my consciousness, like tendrils if a thick fog.Not drinking, eating clean, going for walks....not helping. Sick of arguing with myself in my head.
Actually shouted out loud at myself in the car this morning, "What the fuck is it you want from life anyway??". I'm going mad.
I don't know what I want. I have so much and I want to throw it all away for what????? If this is being sober, I think I'd rather be drunk.......

No, ma, you would not rather be drunk. If that was the case, you wouldn't be getting sober.

The way I see it, its like having being totally fit. 10km in less than an hour fit. No overweight. Great skin. Lovely hair. Fantastic sex life. Fabulous social life.

And losing it. All.

Because we cannot (or do not) actually measure what being physically fit gives us, we take it for granted at some point and start eating, drinking, smoking, thinking we have it all under control.

Then one day you wake up and realise you have not been for a run in over a year. You've grown quite fat. You've changed from the woman other women wanted to be into the woman no one wants to be. Including you.
That is rock bottom.

Being on this bus, opening up and telling our most intimate, taking a risk of rejection by people who would be absolute strangers in RL; but instead finding beautiful friendships. Sisterhood. Closeness. Love. Understanding. Support. Acceptance.

That, ma, is a whole long way up again. We've hit rock bottom. We're clawing our way up.

I'm sitting here crying, not because I'm lonely, but because I realise for the first time in a long time, I'm not.

I've got you, babes.

And you've got me. Not much. But you've got me.

((Khalisi))
Thanks.
Where is wry and her t'interbosies when we need them?

khalisi that was a beautuful post. Right you and sober are defo running our self help corner!!!

I love your open honesty and welcome spending the days and weeks ahead following your uplifting posts, I'm so glad you feel safe and among friends, your posts are so inspiring I'm Just heading out for a big long walk with my dd's. Despite having the first day of my period and feeling super tired I feel you took us on your walk so this time you can come with me for a walk through my gorgeous Scottish village on a day where the sun is strong as is my will to succeed. Xxx

ma big hugs for you, can you try for a week and see how you feel? It's early days, it's hard seeing our lives through sober eyes but as we readjust maybe you can see ahead with more clarity. Big huge hug xxxx

Hello, I've dipped in here a while back, then failed. Well I've re read JWN original thread again (I've read it a few times) and with dry January and (and what feels like my liver begging me to stop) I've jumped back on the bus with two days under my belt. Tomorrow will be tough, I normally have a drink while doing the dinner

One thing I can say is I do feel differently about it this time, I don't feel like I should stop, I WANT to stop.

If you want to jingle then that's a good starting point.

So sorry isinde

Just looked back, so sorry isinde

Hello Jingle will you be joining the rest of us mooning ( Isinde)?

Wise words indeed khalisi

Ma, you know that in the longer term, being sober will be better, but that doesn't make it any easier.

I have hit the point where the euphoria of making the decision to stop has gone, the poison is leaving/has left my system and my mind is racing, but I'm tired. I'm also looking at the clock and rather than thinking: "Wow, look at how much I achieved today" I'm thinking, "Bloody hell, is it really only half past four? I'm bored, but I don't have an excuse to sit down and just stop"

The WW puts some weird, warped crap in out brains, and just like my exWB, she needs kicking to the kerb - though I know she will be just as tenacious at not letting go.

How can I be bored with non-alcoholic drinks? So far today I have had:

2 x espresso
2 x Blood orange and cranberry teas
1 hot chocolate
1 orange juice with spring water
Water with peppermint
Water on it's own
and now Blossom Cottage Morello Cherry cordial with fizzy water over crushed ice.

Normally it would read:

2x espresso
a diet coke
6 glasses of wine (depending on size of glass,basically a bottle)
maybe a glass of water

Almost no variety at all - and today, I'm bored!!!

Sipping lime and soda here, wondering if this is it. I took a pick the other night of my last glass of wine. Feeling positive now but it's still early days

Just had spinach and ricotta cannelloni- yum - yet my bloody diet app tells me I am over my daily allowance. Lunch was Greek yogurt, few blue berries, a hard boiled egg. Have had one slice of thin ham. A 4k walk and no booze. How hard can it be?
Keep at it indie

Day 1 for me here, I failed miserably to start on the 1st.

I have no alcohol in the house, and have just drunk a coffee! I hope I will be able to sleep tonight.

Reading ice with a slice to get me through the night, though thinking bed might be the best place for me to go tonight.

Hi babes, took dd's and my niece to the park this afternoon. We had soooo much fun, I must admit I could see it far enough due to the period from hell, very heavy and horrid cramps... BUT after khalisi and ma's shining example I made myself go, and I'm so glad I did !!!! I ran round til I was breathless, went across the zip slide screaming like mad and went high on the swings and braved my big ass on the slide. I laughed so much I thought I'd pee myself, it was exhilarating and fun, we returned home pink and breathless and happy.

I used to spend Saturdays procrastinating my way through the day feeling shaky, anxious eating a big greasy takeaway and hating myself. I know I've got a long way to go but I had more fun today than I've had in a long time. Also and maybe most importantly my girls laughed with me, no disappointment in my 15yr old daughters eyes, no worry about her mothers drinking just the twinklle of happiness that beats the hell out of any wine I've ever known.

Keep on keeping on babes xxxx

Hi babes, great posts and lovely to see the bus so busy.

I have removed all trace of Christmas and cleaned the house, every bit of it. My mind is calmer now that my surroundings are orderly and I can walk I to any room and feel relaxed. I just have to cope with spontaneously messy boys who don't understand my need for keeping it all where it is supposed to be!

Am not talking to those of you who have dropped a pound already or who have clearer skin, it's NOT fair.

Assumes head down, bum up position.

indie ask the lovely Venus about celebrants. Its her thing!
baby well done you. I have hardly interacted with the dcs at all while wallowing in my own misery.
Hey beaches. Can't wait to get the tree down tomorrow.
spanna are you out there?

Hey babes. Day 3 for me today. Joining in with dry January. Envy the way you all just write what you are feeling or go through .. Me I overthink what i want to say and end up saying nothing both here and in RL.