Dry 6

[sydneysideup]

This is the thread for the alcohol free. Happy and hopeful, continuing from Dry 5 here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2137624-DRY-5?msgid=50943574
Whether it's been an hour, a day, a week or a year, join us here.

Lucy and chamomile With me it was my Dad rather than my Mum who was toxic and abusive. My Mum was lovely, but sadly died when I was 11 so I was left to the not-so-tender mercies of my Father. Hmm. He was an alcoholic as well. And yes Lucy I was constantly trying (and failing due to his impossibly unachievable standards) to please him but never ever did, despite being a really good girl, high achiever, very compliant etc etc. Nothing I ever did was good enough for him. I was always in the wrong.

except I was more than good enough, and it was he who was in the wrong.

I also think there is a correlation in my drinking too. My DM only got counselling and went on ADs when I was in my late 20s. i wish with all my heart she had done it earlier. She was so damaged by her childhood, and it manifested in her being rage-filled throughout mine. I am an only child, and she was a doormat with her mother, so she took it out on my DFather and me... sometimes violently also, but mostly emotionally. We all walked on eggshells around her moods and her temper. She does realise this, and has recently apologised, but I do think that my unhealthy coping mechanisms are connected. I am not blaming her either..... just that I know I drink to deal with my emotional pain. I am trying to think about my relationship with her. I dislike her, but she has turned into a loving granny, and i know she is deeply regretful for what she put us through. But I am conflicted about 'forgiving' her. It seems too hard at present.

everyone.

Morning lovely ladies I'm reminded of this Philip Larkin poem for some reason! 'They fck you up your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you.' Corn and Glad* For me stopping drinking is the BIGGEST boost to my psychological recovery from my childhood experiences. The serenity prayer helps too :) If only my mother could show some regret but that would involve her acknowledging her part and as she doesn't take responsibility and everything was my fault anyway that is a wish I have had to let go of ..... Here's to a happier day - off for a run

Just to make my year even happier, I went to the docs today about my vertigo and I have to go to neurology for a brain scan. Fucks' sake! Luckily, I will have my caring mother to accompany and soothe me...

molly deep breaths. When is it? Can I accompany you instead?

That's really kind - I don't know yet, so clearly not rushing me in as an emergency luckily. I will get my lovely h to come. It's such so bloody annoying! I spend years trying to feel dizzy and wobbly through alcohol and when I stop it still feels like I'm constantly drunk . Hopefully it's just my ear but I am a bit worried :(

It's understandable that you're worried but as you say maybe this is just a quirk of all the surgery you've had. Happy to hear someone supportive and not your mother will be available

molly best to get it checked out though? but glad NOT your Mother accompanying you! Hope they do it sooner rather than making you wait, though.

Afternoon everyone. I've been a bit AWOL recently; things v stressful with the divorce. I'm okay but sort of plodding along, nose to the grindstone sort of thing.

Went to a party to celebrate a girlfriend's birthday on Tuesday and ended up 'fessing up to a very old friend who's been dry for 20 years and is 'in the rooms'. She's a bit of a dry drunk and I don't want to be like that or talk about it like that (in a sort of 'woe is me, if only I could be normal wah wah wah' kind of way) so regretted telling her really. BUT it was really interesting to be there without booze, not really think about it that much other than to slowly see people deteriorate in their conversational ability, the odd person ferreting around to fill up their glass as soon as it was empty that would have been me, and the rest, and to be able to drive home and wake up feeling fresh the next morning. I do just love there being no 'trade-off' for having a good time, there's no payback the next morning, nada.

for all those who had difficult upbringings and/or with difficult parents. I identified with a lot that was said here (alcoholic step-dad and critical and cold mother = fabulous combination! ). So glad to be finally healing of it all.

That's one of the reasons I couldn't cope with AA. The constant reminders of alcohol and droning drunkalogues. It works for lots of people of course but I'd rather try to be happy sober - every meeting I went to seemed so depressing!

I was thinking about blackouts recently. I had so many . My last episode was a blackout and I can't even remember the first night I spent with dh. - he thought I was perfectly OK which is even scarier. So many times I've woken up with not a bloody clue what happened and sometimes where the hell I was. How badly must the brain be affected by these? shudder.

Happy that those days are over.

Hi molly :) I don't mind the drunkalogues (great word ) so much, I find a grim fascination in hearing other people's stories because it does really take me back to my own and make me feel glad it's not my current reality. They often have situations during the Bubble Hour where someone will be recounting something grim that they used to do and the other presenters will start laughing a bit in a kind of mutual appreciation that this was ALL our lives, we are all present in some capacity in those stories.

BUT I totally agree with you re. wanting to be happy sober. What's the fucking point otherwise?! This friend I mentioned, she announced on FB a few months ago that she hadn't had a drink for 20 years, but the way she said it was like "oh GOD, I haven't been able to drink for 20 years!" rather than anything celebratory. So when people pitched in and congratulated her, she Eeyore'd it all away and I just thought good grief, I do not want that to be me. I want to feel positive, as I did after this week's party, and kind of rejoice in this new 'rebellion' of mine ...

Hi can I join in?

Of course Jump in and tell us all abut yourself

Where to start? I've always drank a lot, but for last few years have developed more of an issue with it. Culminating in having had a drink everyday since mid November. ( minimum 6 bottles beer, max 9 plus bottle wine). I've skint myself with this habit, fallen behind with chores work and feel generally crap..

Last drink was last Sunday. So feel I've started the journey to ? What I don't know .

Well, you've done nearly a week which is an amazing start! we 've all been there. How are you feeling now? as for the journey - it's where you want to go I wanted to stop hating myself and hurting every one around me which may sound a bit clichéd but that is what it was. I wanted to wake up feeling well and not dreading turning the computer on or seeing fury in Dh's face, to be able to think straight and just be happy really!

I'm nearly at 17 months and I still wake up really pleased to be sober. Life isn't suddenly perfect but dealing with it without a bloody great river of alcohol is easier

Hey there rusmum, fantastic a week already. Well part of the journey ensures you'll have more money, be more productive and feel ten times better so it's a good start

Well done 500 days molly, belated congrats. I read somewhere recently that blackouts is the brain unable to lay down short term memories at the time, not sure how true that is. Had quite a few in my time too. In fact the reason I joined here back on the first thread was learning about something I'd done months previously during a blackout. I had no clue about it.

Welcome rusmum well done for so far - it really is worth it
Still here, still Dry bought myself a few treats with the money I have saved

Hi all, also been quiet for a while, still dry, still clocking up the af days and still have lots of great days and still have crappy days. Crappy days are the hardest, I figure feeling down was a big trigger for me....weird, oh i feel down so I'll drink a bottle of wine + and that's sure to make me feel better, not!! I have to remind myself of this when am in the grip of a craving and get past it....seems to be working for now....been laughing recently at all the advertising for Mother's Day, why is it necessary to show alcohol as a requirement to enjoy the day! Can't possibly be enjoyed without a bottle of bubbly, in the past I would have drank that plus some wine after lunch and prob then have a nap, wake up and been grumpy with everyone, yay that was fun, looking forward to a nice af lunch tomorrow and possibly a walk after...

Evening all! Fell off thread for a bit - at low ebb and battling some kind of lurgy so didn't have much to say. Hope everyone has a lovely AF Mother's Day tomorrow
And welcome from me rusmum :)

Yes they never say that the Mother's Day bottle of bubbly makes you feel crap a bit later and grumpy, do they?

still here, still Dry. Grumpy, without the help of alcohol - god knows what I would be like with it! Appalling I suspect

Hope you're feeling better today Lucy.

Also still dry here. Low, irritable and tearful the last week. Generally feeling unappreciated by everyone. Birthday blues, the 'fuck I've done nothing with my life by this age' fear now all the mothers day hype has depressed me as it's just another thankless day here. Not that I usually buy into it all just the mood I'm in and the fact the dc are at exasperating ages where I dream of lifting my passport and going anywhere for a few weeks peace.

Still had to laugh at ds who gave me his card they made in school. Lovely compliment in it and when I read it he screwed up his face and went 'Ugh, my teacher made me write that'

Sorry for the moan and hope everyone is having a lovely day anyway

OK is something going on with the planets? LastGleaming low, irritable and tearful last week? tick, tick, tick .......
Grey outside which matches my mood too - if this is the impact of going natural sugar only I'm mainlining milk chocolate on Good Friday!!

Snap! Also feeling low here, tearful, emotional, pondering past/present/future.

Here's to a calm and serene Mother's Day to all, let's keep on trucking. X

Oh no!! We can't have sadness . I think the weather has a lot to answer for in March - one day it's glorious, which gets you all excited and happy and the it's gloom and darkness :(.

Had a relatively ok Mothers day. She came over and was remarkably pleasant until the end of the day when she told me there was a 'letter' in a book she had just returned to me and to read it 'alone'. It was something I had written when I was about 18, thanking her for being a wonderful mother blah, blah, like you do at that age. So manipulative (why am I surprised?) I just glanced through it and put it away. I'm not going to let it get to me any more! She'd clearly gone through all of her things to find something to guilt me after the conversation where she lied a few weeks ago and where I told her how unhappy she had made me as a child. Honestly!

It meant more than dd1 came over too and gave me a card in which she had written simply 'I'm so proud of you'. That's the thing.

We go to Portugal in EIGHT DAYS! scream> I am so excited. Not even worried now about drinking when we are there - the guy whose place we are staying at was telling about the wonderful local wine and I just said ok, I'll tell dh, I don't drink. he looked rather surprised but I feel pretty comfortable just saying it now. NO fuss, no preamble, just a fact, continue the conversation. It does take time I guess to be ok saying it without worrying that people are going to say why? or oh dear, or whatever but it's great to get to this point.

I hope everyone is feeling a bit less blerghhh today . I will try to contain my glee at our holiday this week

Have not posted on here before but have been looking at this thread for months. I have been concerned about my drinking for some time and have been aware that going dry is now the best course of action to avoid further spiralling down.

In spite of a number of red flag moments over the last 6 months, I hadn't been able to manage giving up the drink as yet, but Saturday night was a new low, a terrible one and so I have decided to make a go of it now.

Yesterday was Day 1. I am reading lots of sobriety blogs, listening to the Bubble Hour podcasts, journaling (not online) and trying to identify other tools that will help me stay dry. I haven't actually told anybody what I am doing yet and this seems like an important thing to do which is why I am posting here now to say "out loud" to other people that I am going to stop drinking.

I will have to tell people in RL at some point but most of my friends and family are big drinkers and I know that they will tell me I am being daft and that I just need to regulate better. I know that I can't regulate and I know that I am not being daft and that I have a problem.

Thank you for reading. I hope we all have a positive day x