Dry 6

[sydneysideup]

This is the thread for the alcohol free. Happy and hopeful, continuing from Dry 5 here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2137624-DRY-5?msgid=50943574
Whether it's been an hour, a day, a week or a year, join us here.

...anyway, you don't have to tell anyone anything you don't want to about yourself. :)

Yes, blather away Sunny, it's really important IMO to get these feelings out because it's only then that you realise that loads of other people feel the same way, and they are coping just fine without alcohol.

I don't know if you've read the Jason Vale or Allen Carr books, but they both comment on the fact that alcohol is the only drug you have to really justify stopping taking. I think it really helps to see this warped societal thinking for what it really is, which seems to be (in my mind) just like the Emperor's New Clothes. Everyone tells us we need alcohol to relax, to cope, to have a good time. The weird thing when you stop is just this sort of odd silence in a vacuum feeling, as you realise that.... it's all utter bullshit. Someone asked on a support forum I go on recently what the 'cons' are of not drinking, and the only one I can really think of now is that you're in a minority and having to swim against the tide of what everyone thinks is the way to behave.

Interesting too to read the current thread on MN about being suspicious of non-drinkers. There's a lot of dogma out there on both sides...

Great to have had that support from Belle. I got a bit confused by Belle and how she works, I tried signing up to her site when I first stopped but just seemed to go on a waiting list that never went anywhere.

Morning ladies Sunny I think you use of fags as a way of explaining it to your husband is the best one there is. If someone stops smoking we don't encourage them to have the odd one now and then because it's not helpful!! Same with booze but as Corn and Teapot have said -it's not just socially acceptable to drink it's socially expected!! Even at this length of time under my belt most people don't know I've stopped. We have primary school age DC's so our social life is limited and those we have told drank like we used to so it's ignored by them . Where's the thread about not-trusting non-drinkers? Jeez - that sh*t is old ......

Oh Teapot what a prat your ex is I think it's them trying to have some sort of control over your life still. If they rearrange or don't show its left up to you to cancel your plans. Luckily mine is much more agreeable now after spending the first couple of years arsing about but fuck em is frequently my motto too.

Hi and welcome sunny. I think you put it perfectly to your dh with the smoking analogy.

Hope you feel better soon molly, vertigo is not fun at all.

Struggling a bit lately. Why oh why is my brain suddenly assaulting with every cringy thing I've done while drunk, especially night time when I'm trying to sleep? Can see why AAers do the step of making amends even if it is to resolve it within themselves and move forward.

Was that the thread that she said she found drinking seedy and a lot of people had a problem? Was only on page two when I read it but I thought people made good points that if that was her attitude towards drinkers, not surprised people reacted negatively to her non drinking. May have moved on since then if its the same thread.

That's the one broken. I don't find drinkers "seedy" as I think she put it, but I do think it's hard when you've come out the other side and see drinking for what it is (at the very least, that it's not essential to drink to have a good time; although lots of people sadly think it is) to still sort of pretend that you don't feel that way. I think drinkers often want us to say that we feel deprived, that we envy them their drinking. But if we don't envy them their drinking, then what? I encourage people I'm with to drink in my company, the last thing I want is for anyone to feel as though they have to moderate their behaviour for my benefit. I'd hate for anyone to feel as though they couldn't do what they want to do, or to feel restricted by my choice. But I also recognise that that can be an illusion in their head due to their own feelings about their own drinking. Oh dear, it's all very complicated

Re. my ex, I think he's engaged in what he thinks is a Very Clever Game so that he can take it back to court to try to get our court order overturned. So tedious (and painful for the DC), and also such a monumental waste of money.

molly forgot to say sorry to hear about the vertigo - ghastly and hope the meds kick in soon. Plus your daughter has she had a check Hb and is she on some iron supplements if she looks pale?
broken I wonder if it's our addicts thinking sometimes trying to drive us back to the drink to forget when we remember this stuff . I agree that AA step 4 might help relieve some of it and allow us to move on but you can forgive yourself anyway :)

Yes, she's had bloods and swabs etc. Tablets seem to working well already! I feel vaguely normal

Thanks, the smoking was the one I knew he would be able to relate to but to him 'drinking' is normal and socially accepted and expected as you all say. I saw some previous mention of recreational drugs from our younger days and yes I did those too! In fact when I met my dh I was still doing them and that was far worse in his opinion, funnily enough when I stopped that my drinking started so looks like I just replaced one for the other!

Teapot - am also on a waiting list for belle 100 day challenge but I sent a msg titled 'help' and she did thankfully.

Will keep in mind about who, when and how I want to tell people, if at all!

Welocme Sunny! If you can give up smoking, you can give up the booze (He says on day 7 of quitting the fags! So. Much. Tougher.).

Hey rb how did Dry Jan go with your DW?

DH is enthusiastically back on alcohol. But he never drinks much at all.

Afternoon Corn,

all is well, neither of us have had a drink yet as we're just not that bothered. She's got a good friend coming up to stay this weekend though so that may change and I'm considering a pint with my valentines curry I've booked a table for.

Kind of got a hankering but keeping ploughing on so will prop forego that pint :) Just concentrating on the smoking tbh. Can't wait to be free of them.

Hope your husband is considerate with his drinking around you!

Thx rb - I think your right and it does give me some hope that I was able to quit the cigs - finally! good luck!

A quick question - what are peoples thought on non alcoholic beers? I have been drinking them and find really refreshing, can't be drinking sweet stuff all the time but I am just creating a placebo effect? I can drink a couple and feel fine, I don't suddenly start to crave an actual drink....

The blue Erdinger stuff is the only one I've tried that actually tastes nice Sunny. The rest just taste a bit cheesy to me fo some reason.

Thanks rb. DH is generally pretty considerate about it. :) He had a teeny tiny glass last night, and asked me first if I minded. Well done on the smoking too! Hope you have a good Valentines day out also.

Sunny I found non-alcohol beers utterly essential for the first several months..... it made the transition easier. I still have them sometimes now.

Sunny I'm a fan of AF beers too - particularly the Bavaria and Becks Blue. Don't drink all the time but are a nice option as is the Koppaberg AF ciders. Don't think there's any danger of placebo effect or certainly hasn't been my experience, like rb & Cornchips :)
rb giving up fags is WAAAAY harder than booze I agree!! Congrats on 7 days :)

That's a relief, have been reading mixed reviews on whether it's a good idea or not...I actually discovered a local pub on Sunday that sold af beer, was so pleased!!

Back as me Becks blue is the one I have on occasion.

AA have a quite unforgiving view on AF drinks but I don't agree with their opinion. If it works for you then great is my motto :)

My advice is to just be a bit aware to start with of how you feel while drinking them and afterwards. I've stayed clear of them, but that's mainly because I wasn't much of a lager/beer drinker anyway. I would definitely have an AF beer if in a pub and they had them available, I'm quite curious to try them. I tried AF wine once and thought it foul.

rb - WELL DONE on kicking the fags! I agree, much harder to stop that than the alcohol (for me anyway)... 7 days - excellent stuff.

Sunny - I don't know if you've seen this Ted talk by Glennon Doyle Melton, but I love it. I really enjoyed mainlining sober blogs, books, videos in the early weeks... it really helped. Anyway in case you fancy having a look, it's here:

I was reminded once again today about something she says about alcoholics being naturally sensitive people and using alcohol to cope with the "beautiful, brutal" world we live in. I'm sure we talked about that on the thread once... I have always been very sensitive and emotional - cry at films easily, will cry even if I go to a concert/gathering just to be in a room with loads of people, or on a demonstration I once went to - as soon as we approached the throngs in Hyde Park (was the 2003 Stop the War march) I just was overcome with emotion and started crying. The other side of my personality (the one that came out more whilst drinking, and what most people who know me will describe me as) is confident, together, very assertive, big personality. The two sides of me couldn't be more different and it's been interesting so far to 'unpick' what was/is really going on inside my head. Enough navel-gazing for now!

Thanks teapot, that is good advice, I have felt fine so far, can have a couple and then will have a cuppa. That would not have been the case if that was real beer, just a warm to wine drinking.....

Will check out the video too!! X

Hmm never go for the af beers myself. Tried the odd becks blue or cobra af one when pregnant but didn't see the point in drinking them as I don't drink for the taste, I drink to get fuzzy/pissed. Virgin Mary is as close as I've got this time.

Think you might be right Lucy with the addicted thinking possibly trying to trick me back to boozing. Maybe a bit of the nicotine addiction too, know if I drink, I start smoking again. Two addictions for the price of one!

See I feel a bit at a loss as to what person I am exactly Teapot. I've had so many different personalities throughout the years influenced by whatever I'm going through or who I'm with at the time and all under the fog of booze. I feel stupid that at my age I honestly have no notion of who I really am underneath that all and what if I don't like that person? I think that scares me the most.

Well done on the week smoke free rb!! I hear you, it's tough going. As a smoker a few weeks ago I felt like a leper, now every bugger in the world seems to smoke and do it around me.

Good day. Dusted off the kenwood and baked a yummy cake, forgot how much I used to love baking - and buttercream frosting. This could prove dangerous for my potential of developing diabetes and high cholesterol

Morning everyone. hope you all had a great sleep. Waking up sober never gets old. :)

I feel similar broken about not knowing who you are. One of the things that frightened me at first about giving p alcohol is that I was not sure who I would find under the false bravado and false friendships that boozing brought me. I still don't know....but I am quieter in myself.

molly glad the tablets for your vertigo are working- good luck.

I am currently reading this book..

www.amazon.co.uk/Dying-Drink-Tim-Cantopher-ebook/dp/B0071B6WBM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1423117412&sr=8-1&keywords=dying+for+a+drink+tim+cantopher

It is really really good. Good and scary. He writes in a very accessible way about how alcohol affects your body.... seriously, every time I feel a pang I want to drag it out and read the chapter on the liver or the brain. He also writes about why people drink.... I skimmed through that bit though, but he talks about childhood issues etc. However, he does not write in a lecturing 'Dr knows best' way. I can certainly recommend.

Morning all, having trouble getting to sleep now! Am reading blogs right up till i go to sleep and then my brain is whirring, was reading mrs d's blog last night and it made me sad cause 12 months down the line it seemed that there were still so many down days, missing wine, bored of being sober and I am worried that it will always be like this. I know it's early days for me but can you pls tell me it does get easier down the road??

Hi Sunny. I'm 6 months in and I don't feel like that. However - I do get the odd twinges of sadness and were I to write a blog and then look back a year later you might find that I'd written a few posts which expressed that sadness, because it's the glum bits which tend to prompt us to write rather than all the happy or normal moments. Speaking for myself, my down bits are twinges rather than whole days experiencing The Glums - which is what I used to have if I had a hangover. A day of shuffling around the house feeling horrific, looking awful, being grumpy, upset stomach, full of regret.

I had a twinge of sadness yesterday, driving past a swanky new restaurant that has opened locally and just knowing it won't be the "same" to go there and have soft drinks while trying the menu out. This has also been brought on by a very old male friend of mine asking if I was free on Friday but then adding that he felt like getting "wasted" so maybe we ought to leave it till another day and he'll make plans with someone else. I wrote back telling him politely but firmly to go make those plans, and although it felt good to be assertive about that, I also felt down that he obviously doesn't want to plan "fun" nights out with me because he is assuming it won't be fun. Twat - he is almost 45

I think it is sad that for whatever reason, I don't have a proper 'off' switch. It's not my fault though, I believe it's a combination of my genetics and my upbringing. The main thing is there's very little I can do about it. Rather than be down about the fact that I can't be a 'normie', I try to be grateful that I have realised that stopping is the way forwards. There really are amazing benefits to stopping completely. Having scrabbled around for years trying to make changes to my life, I finally feel as though it's possible. The blinkers are off, and it feels as though I've been pressing the pause button on life's difficult moments my whole life - which means never actually progressing through those difficult moments to make real growth.

Good grief, somebody shut me up!

Looks interesting thanks Corn will download it later. Just finished Last Orders myself but wouldn't recommend it. So repetitive found myself skimming lots of it, he could have cut it down by about half a book. Some good ideas of things to do sober - if you live in London which alas I am nowhere near.

That's part of the reason I find blogs unhelpful from my own personal perspective sunny. In fact if anything they make me want to drink! Know loads of people love them and find it a great tool in stopping but they don't work for me that way. I prefer terrifying medical facts