Dry 6

[sydneysideup]

This is the thread for the alcohol free. Happy and hopeful, continuing from Dry 5 here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2137624-DRY-5?msgid=50943574
Whether it's been an hour, a day, a week or a year, join us here.

Hello weary! Welcome. We are all at different stages down the road.. some have been dry for a year or more, others have joined us more recently, others like me drop in and out. But we are so lucky on MN, there are a few of these support threads about! There are the Brave Babes, their current thread is;
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2253518-The-Brave-Babes-Battle-Bus-Driving-Through-A-Sober-Winter-Wonderland

They also welcome people at all stages and like us are very friendly, packed with heaps of great advice. There is also a new board for alcohol support

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support but this is not as yet as active as the board id new, started recently at the excellent suggestion of Alfiepants.

We would love to have you join us. :) It is always great to have newcomers!

Hello wearymum - welcome to the thread! Corn gives excellent links. I would say that this thread is a great support if you are starting out, although when I first started I did the following things...

1. Joined Soberistas for an initial 3 month subscription (about £3.50 a month) and logged in daily to read blogs from people at all stages of the journey, plus also to chat in the chat room when I needed it. I found it hugely helpful at the start. For the first few weeks I felt tired, and it was all so new and different I completely immersed myself in alcohol free reading etc.

2. I read lots of books on the subject, mostly downloaded onto my Kindle. I would go to bed early each night and read - it was so fantastic to rewire my brain away from the shame associated with thinking that I was one of "those" people who needed to stop drinking and towards the realisation that there were thousands of normal people out there who like me had started to realise that drinking was not working for me, but rather was impeding my life.

Books I can recommend:

• Sober is the new black (Rachel Black)
• Why you drink and how to stop (Veronica Valli)
• Kick the drink easily (Jason Vale)... really recommend this despite his slightly annoying tone
• How to control your drinking (Allen Carr)
• Ice and a Slice (Della Galton) - fictional, but good
• The Sober Revolution (Lucy Rocca)

I think deciding that quitting drinking completely might be the way forward, rather than engaging endlessly in futile ways to control your drinking, is a major step forward. I feel so free of all that "just at the weekends", "alternate each drink with a soft drink", etc etc mentality now.

Hope you decide to post on this thread too, it's certainly not for long timers. I've only been posting here for a couple of months and am 5 months in. It feels like a long time but it isn't really, in the grand scheme of things. When I first stopped I was in awe of anybody who'd lasted longer than a month but soon you could be that person :)

Welcome weary :) Excellent suggestions by Corn and Teapot. I would add there are also many sober bloggers out here who share their stories online which can be really supportive. I stopped over 15 months ago but didn't find this thread until almost 8 months in and relied solely on the support of the sober blogs, including dipping in and out of Soberistas. There is also a sober online community called Living Sober which is NZ based and free. Two books I would add to the reading list: Drinking; A Love Story by Caroline Knapp and Ann Dowsett Johnson's Drink: The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol.
Stopping drinking was one of the best decisions I've ever made!

Hi all, can I join?
I can't seem to stop drinking once I've started and I get horribly depressed the next day. So I'm going to give up. It's going to be difficult, but I need to.

Thank you for your support and advice.
I have started reading the brave babes threads, the website soberistas sounds like something that will help.
I'd never thought about reading books to help, I think I'll start with the fiction book.
Also teapot I think your advice to give up completely will be for the best, though the most difficult option, I was thinking about drinking still at weekends, but I will end up binge drinking, I know habits!
So thank you for helping me to make the first step, I'll see you soon, hopefully managing to give up.

Welcome too dontcallmehon22! All are welcome here :) I'm sure some of the other lovely ladies will be along later too to say 'hi'

weary - I don't agree that it's harder to stop completely than to moderate - I have found it far easier to stop than anything else I've tried. We think it's going to be harder this way, because we think that it's a sort of linear relationship, where the more you abstain the harder it is - but I'm sure the others here would agree with me that the opposite is true! One of the blogs Lucy refers to is one called "Tired of thinking about drinking" by a blogger called Belle. That is how I see it - by stopping completely, you remove yourself from the constant chatter that goes on in our heads prior to stopping: "Do I drink differently to other people?"... "I wish I'd drunk less last night"... "Shit I've finished my glass of wine before her, I wish she'd hurry up so I can order another without looking like a lush"... "Oh god, the bottle of wine is nearly empty and I just know nobody else is going to want another one, but I do"... etc etc etc. There is just a sense of peace and quiet. You can actually concentrate on the conversation, and be present in the moment, rather than having this private battle with yourself that you don't want to share with anyone else.

Or maybe that is just me I certainly couldn't have stayed stopped if I was sat here wringing my hands each weekend looking wistfully at other people and wishing I could be like them.

Don't - welcome too. We've 'spoken' on other threads and although you might think it hard to do this, you might also find that it's like unlocking a door into a whole new life, a better life and a far happier one. As Lucy says, this has been the best thing I've ever done. I finally feel as though my life can progress in the way it frankly should have done twenty years ago.

Teapot no it's not just you! Taking it off the table is the easiest thing (though at times the hardest thing) to do. The inside of your head just goes quiet on the subject of booze (eventually) and then it's absolute bliss ......

Thanks for the welcome. I do feel as if this may well be the best thing I could do for myself. Looking forward to an alcohol free NYE!

Teapot put it perfectly, the inner peace and serenity when you take away the constant battle in your head with drinking is fantastic.shall I shan't I,can I,have I enough,do I need to get more,don't want to go as effects my drinking,what excuse can I use this time...god the list is endless.
The very very best thing to me about being an alcoholic in recovery is my seemingly unending gratitude for what I have and would not have had I still been drinking.My children's hand in mine,a smile of genuine love,the colour of the sky,waking feeling well and guilt free,again endless.Would I give that up for that first glass?not on your life??

hi everyone and welcome to both of you! have to agree, stopping is so much better than trying to moderate. It is really really bloody hard but so so simple at the same time - if that make sense

So, got through Xmas day with mother. As I said, I spoke to her on the way here. It's the first time I've been able to be rational and calm really. I just suggested that there were things and attitudes and comments that were unacceptable in my home and I would not tolerate them any more. She did her 'but but' and 'you can be cruel' nonsense but I just reiterated that I wanted a nice time and that she would behave she did

Husband however admitted on Xmas day morning that he is hideously depressed, has been for months and doesn't find any joy in life any more... I know he has been susceptible to down times but it was a bit of a shock. he's such a good and loving man and a real 'bloke' kind of thing, so to admit that must have been hard. He is off to the doctors this morning amazingly as sees how bad it is .

My family eh? kids fine though! spoilt to bits of course.

Another superb book for everyone who hasn't read it. 'Dry' by Augusten Burroughs. Hilarious laugh out loud funny. Do give it a go if you haven't already.

Have a wonderful day all. And, hell we rock

Morning everyone! Just wrote a huge post but it disappeared into the ether. Sorry for radio silence but kids still got stomach bug. Yet another thing that's a million times easier to deal with alcohol free.

Welcome newbies

teapot I've said it before but - are you me????. That's exactly how I feel about moderating (mental torture and waste of valuable energy) v stopping (sweet release).

biggles a great big bloody well done w your mum!

awholelotta you have my deepest heartfelt sympathies. We'll be in the same boat in a few years I think.

{waves} to everyone else

PS out for a frosty walk this morning it was beautiful - isn't a hangover free Christmas great???????

PPS Lucy you were so right! the 5am present opening was brilliant x

Morning all :)
Biggles fabulous result with the mother and hope GP trip for DH is helpful.
LOVED Augusten Burroughs book too!
Sydney sorry to hear everyone's still struggling with bug - gah .... and yep not battling a hangover helps with everything doesn't it
Taking it easy here today - lots of visiting people so DC's need some down time - as do I!!

Hi All,

I'm back!

Wrote on here how after 8 months' dry I fell off the wagon in August whilst away on a very stressful business trip.

Since then I have drunk sporadically, and had a couple of recent seasonal nights out 'with the girls'. Got fairly pissed on one of them and absolutely hated it. Was ill the whole of the next day and had the awful paranoia - my friend assured me I was fine and she wouldn't have known I was drunk if I hadn't kept saying I was, but I just hated that feeling of loss of control and all those 'hangover' feelings that come the next day. It reinforced all the reasons why I packed up drinking in the first place. I've had a few glasses of wine over the Christmas period and again, it just reminds me how pointless and ridiculous drinking actually is, not to mention expensive.

I gave up last New Year's Eve - it was a resolution to give up for January only initially, but I just kept going and made it to 8 months. So I'm doing the same again this year, and hope to get beyond the 8 months and make it permanent this time. I also started yoga last year, but due to work pressures in the latter part of the year that also lapsed. I am determined this year to never miss a class as I really enjoyed it, and that, coupled with not drinking - I just felt so fit and healthy. It's all gone a bit Pete Tong in recent months unfortunately, but I am determined to get back on track.

So I will have my 'last' drink on Wednesday evening - just a quiet night in, me on my own, but at midnight, whatever is left in the bottle will be going down the sink and I will be embarking yet again on a wine free life.

Here's to a happy, healthy and sober 2015 for all of us!

Hi everyone! I made it to 180 thanks to Belle and her 100 day challenge. Then I sabotaged myself on Christmas day accepting a glass of wine at dinner just so I wouldn't spoil everyone else's dinner why??? So that turned into 2 glasses which made me feel disgusting and sick. Then I drank on the 26th and 27th and by then I could feel the old familiar feeling of wanting MORE.

Didn't drink yesterday and won't today and am back on Team 100.

Realized that I got totally complacent and arrived on my least favourite day (Christmas) in my most triggering place (my mum's house) with absolutely no plan or support in place. I have learned a lesson and also learned that I am not someone who can have a glass of wine once in a while. That feeling of the monster waking up and growling for more was terrifying.

Hey fontella welcome back! 8 months was a great achievement for 2014 and having done that now you know you can do it again in 2015 :)

Hello all !

Biggles well done on the mother front. - hope your DH is very much better soon, and the visit to the doctor helps him. I barely know myself since starting ADs.... has been a lifesaver for me.

stayingdry hope everyone is soon better at your place. A bug is no fun at all.

Hi Fontella! Welcome back!

My resolution last year was to be 'nearly teetotal' and I am pretty happy with my achievements. This year - a sober, bright year. I also want to have more fun. I never feel like I 'deserve' fun, that I ought to be doing something or paying penance in some way ..... what for I have no idea. This year my resolution is to have adventures and to have fun. It could be something as simple as going foraging in hedgerows to something like going trekking in the alps. But I am going to make a point to turn the tv off (my current main source of relaxation) and to go out and do fun things. A major benefit of being sober is I have alot more energy!

Hi muminboots!

Welcome muminboots too :) Member of Team 365+ here Christmas Day is one of the toughest days of the year so don't berate yourself too hard. At least you know what you need to do differently this time and why you embarked on the journey in the first place. I would be exactly the same as you if I drank of that I'm sure.

Hi everyone - have had a bit of a cold over Christmas but feeling OK now. It was so weird being ill, waking up in the morning feeling crap and knowing it wasn't because I had been drinking!!

I was quite alarmed!

All went very well here, lovely and quiet. Actually I have done very little as feeling rough, but I did make myself do some Uni work over the weekend which I feel good about.

Hello to the newbies - waves!

I am still enjoying the schloer and the Becks Blue and drinking lots of tea. I had a facial today and my beautician said my skin looks so much better. Far fewer thread veins I am sure I looked more and more like my Dad every time I looked in the mirror and better hydration so that'e yet another good reason to quit.

That's good to know that giving up alcohol can improve your skin, littledonkey
Think I'll try the Becks blue as well.

cornchips I've started anti ds too and I wanted to give up as I felt as if alcohol was spoiling the good work of the anti ds.

Hi, thank you for the warm welcome everyone :-)
I managed 1 day, but going back to work today made me pour a glass when I got home. But I feel stronger for having a AF Sunday.
I'm thinking trying to go dry before NYE might have been a bit to much for me.
I'm going to do as fontella has said, enjoy NYE then pour whatever wine is left down the sink, 2015 can be the fresh start.
Lucy 365+ days well done at present I can't imagine that, but I can see it's possible now.
I have recently started running, and since running the running nights have been AF, maybe I need to start running more ??
Hi newbie dontcall

I meant ask, the books, and soberistas are great help, but how do you get over that urge of opening a bottle of wine when you come home?
What did you do to change that habit?

I can really recommend the Jason Vale book. It makes you see that you aren't "giving up" anything. Alcohol isn't adding anything to your life despite what you may think.

I keep thinking about taking up running but 1. It seems like such a dismal time of year to try. 2. I am worried that with my ginormous (GG) boobs I am really not equipped for running.

What do the runners think? I am up for walking!!!!

I agree with LittleLeftie - I had to totally immerse myself in 'not drinking' in order to get through any initial urges.

About 2 weeks after stopping I went to stay with my mother for 2 weeks, in the middle of nowhere. She drinks every day but is pretty moderate. The last time I had gone to stay with her, with my DC, I'd been all over the place due to separating from my H, and had ended up guzzling so much white wine it was ridiculous. This time I bought a stash of AF drinks (Fevertree Ginger Beer, Tonic Water, pink grapefruit juice topped up with sparkling water) and glued myself to my reading material and AF drink as soon as the kids were in bed and mum was cracking open the sauv blanc.

Before stopping though, I had gone on a whole day seminar thingie at an Allen Carr clinic. I built myself up to that moment, drinking until the night before. As you walk out at the end, you are congratulated for now being a non-drinker. It costs about £200 but it's the kind of push I needed, to rewire my brain that I wasn't giving anything up. Even my mother, who considers herself a moderate controlled drinker, absolutely hates not being able to have her two glasses each night. When you stop and take stock a bit, even her supposed moderation is not quite as harmless as it might appear. I now look at her and wonder why she needs it. Did all those people at Christmas who were drinking appear more relaxed, or to be enjoying themselves more? These are the illusions we tell ourselves, the lie that alcohol adds to our lives.

One trick I used and use a lot is also to 'play the tape to the end' when thinking about opening a bottle of wine or having that first drink. Ask yourself, where is this going to end up? Will you have another one, and another, then finish the bottle. Will you wake up at 3am desperate for a wee and a drink, and then be unable to get back to sleep and be slightly anxious? Is it worth it? When I look at the prospect of "just one drink", I know that I don't know what it really involves: a few drinks, and feeling somewhere between tired/grumpy and like utter crap the next day.