My H's 'birthday weekend'

[MindReader]

My H's birthday was on Tuesday.
He is one of those people who say: 'no no don't get me anything' (quite forcefully) but then go up the wall if they don't get a fuss...
We agreed to celebrated this weekend as weeknights v busy.

We have NO money atm so the celebration is extremely modest.
On Sat am we went for lunch at Asda (told you we were broke!). It was hugely busy so I suggested one of us sit with kids and one go and order. I sat as I have a mobility problem. He was furious at having to queue as he expects me to do that. I asked him to order me a burger. When the food came there was nothing for him. He said: 'there was only 1 burger left and I knew you'd make a fuss if I had it' (?). Apparently, there was 'nothing else on the menu' he wanted. So, I asked him if he'd walk around the block to get the cinema tickets for the new release we wanted to take the kids to in case it sold out. Perhaps he might find a sandwich from the chiller that he fancied to munch on the way round?. NO.
So, we eat our lunch and it gets to time to leave so we can get tickets on time and he decides he wants Mac and cheese (for the 1st time in 17 years?). So, we are late and stressed for film. After, he huffs and puffs and is grumpy all evening and stomps off to the spare bed.

This morning I get up and cook a slap up brekkie. He snaps about everything and I ask him what the problem is so he goes up in smoke and stomps off again. Kids and I eat the 'birthday breakfast'. He eventually comes down (after both ds and dd have been up showing him the menu they've made on the pc for him ) and opens kids gifts and mine. Mine is ignored but used (new boots which are not acknowledged but put on). Rest of day is silent treatment (an hour in the car in total silence, anyone?, trip to Garden centre to see Santa in total silence anyone?). He then has another huge huff when I call him down for Roast Beef Dinner (by his request) as he was 'helping dd with hair like YOU asked'. Dinner is also in silence. He then faffs around and as soon as the kids and I are settled watching Frozen he goes to bed.

Apparantly, I am a 'mad witch'.
I am SO tired.

About your children hating you if you leave the marriage: at present your husband is training them to hate you. In a few years they will be teenagers, and a few years worth of this brainwashing, having taken root, will blossom into circumstances even more horrible than now. You will have less and less (ultimately zero at 16ish) influence over their thought processes. Now, you still do have influence.

You can acknowledge their feelings and validate them, but in the same breath move forward to establishing Home as a Sanctuary where everyone is respected and can expect to be safe from bullying, abusive, disrespectful behavior (this is engaged to deal with any sibling rivalry crap as well). I am pretty sure that their hatred will evaporate very quickly.

So sorry you are going through this.

But your boy isn't happy with the situation is he? You mentioned well upthread that he is sensitive to what is going on. He'll have a whole heap of feelings about it, Mind - ultimately, he will feel powerless (because he's a child and can do nothing about it). That powerlessness has a way of projecting well into adulthood.

Womens Aid will help you in all practical ways eg transport to rentals, or will know where you can get the funding. Also disability services should be able to support you in some way practically. Please consider contacting these orgs who are there to support.

Interesting that he's the one with the car and you're the one with the kids...

My ex was like this I could never do anything right

Note the term EX

It's not normal and you deserve better!!

If you leave, life won't be perfect, and there will be problems, but you won't have to live with him, like this, under attack all the time, you'll be free. And truly, that is better for your kids to see as they grow up, than the way things are now.