Husband is not good with baby

[mendelli]

I am having a hard time with DH's relationship with DS. This is our first baby and he's 14 weeks old. My DH is so strange about him - never calls him by his name, just 'son' which is almost a possessive thing. He says things like 'he MY son & has MY name' ( we don't have the same surname) but 2 minutes later will be screaming at DS if he dares to cry. He says awful things like 'shut the fk up you little sht' which upset me so much. He has almost smashed the pram up 3 times when in a rage, and thrown things across the room when DS wouldn't stop crying.
He doesn't care about spending time with baby either. If he finishes work early, he will go to the gym rather than come home to be there for DS's bedtime.

But strangely, he talks constantly about how soon we can have another baby, and actually he was the one who was keen to have kids in the first place, not me.

I feel so alone and am really starting to feel angry and resentful. What can I do? I have tried to talk about it but he just turns it around on me and says I'm over sensitive.

Are you going to wait until he does harm the baby before you act? By then it will be too late. Speak to women's aid, speak to your GP and do absolutely everything in your power to protect your DS and yourself, by which I mean leave.

Everyone loses it at some point when they have difficult babies (I've had a difficult baby myself) but I used to put DD in her cot, go downstairs to the opposite end of the house, with all the doors closed and scream/cry into a cushion until it was out of my system. Then I'd go upstairs and give her a big cuddle. You don't scream and swear at a child and smash up prams. That's abusive.

He might never hurt your son INTENTIONALLY but What all of us PP can see is this man has serious issues and loses control ... what he intends when he is calm and what could happen when he is raging are totally different.

He clearly loses control utterly when angry. You know this because you didn't want him to hold the baby that time.

Maybe he can sort it eg if it's steroid related or therapy but you need to be away from there now ... if his rage can be treated he needs to do that and then prove it to be allowed back.
If he has love for his son he will realise his temper is a ticking time bomb ... If he's just a bully he will try to brush your concern off.
Sadly it sounds like the latter.

Get yourself and your baby away from this man - this is not normal behaviour at all!

It must be so frightening when he throws things, after having a baby you feel vulnerable enough as it is, without adding to that a really scary angry situation like that.

Is it possible you could get some space and spend some time at your mum's?

Clawhands - why do you suspect that this thread isn't genuine? I have seen nothing suspicious.

Reported.

Jesus wept.

You need to get you and your son out of their ASAP.

...I remember a video at ante natal. A woman went out and left her baby with her partner who shook him and threw him down. She only realised when she came home to an ambulance: her son lived till 14, unable to talk or move.

Why do you think they made the women sit through that video?
Think.

So you grew up in an abusive household and your attracted to an abuser.

So your dh grew up in an abusive house and that's ok because he is now playing that abuse out on your son!

Brilliant! Abuse breeds abuse. Please listen. All who read this.

I wish the government would launch a campaign to educate people about this one single fact.

OP please listen to everyone that has posted. Your partner is showing you massive red flags, your son is at risk. Please, please put him first and leave.

I think even if you want to be a family with this man as part of it, for now you need to separate. He needs to acknowledge his behaviour and get help.

Would you forgive yourself if anything happened to your baby?

You need to leave OP. You need help.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

There is a reasonable chance he may kill your tiny baby whilst in a rage.

Run, OP. Now.

Please, please, please - I am begging you - DO NOT leave this man alone with your son. It takes less force than you think to seriously injure or kill a baby. It WILL happen eventually. Your baby is totally defenceless. Don't let him become another statistic - another sad story in the newspaper. Do something now. I feel sick just reading your post.

He is abusive and dangerous. I've looked at your other threads, he treated you terribly when you were pregnant too, and is now escalating. You need to protect your baby.

I knew a couple very similar to you & your dp.

The 'd 'h, 'dropped' the baby. He broke his neck. The baby was 7 months old. He lived 34 years as a paraplegic.

He was brought up in residential hospitals.His mum took her dh back after he served his time...She had 2 more dc with him.

But he was a decent bloke.

Disgusting isn't it?

Why would you even WANT to be with man who screams shut the fuck up at a baby?!? You wouldn't allow a stranger in the street to treat your son that way, why are you allowing his dad to? Leave him. If you care at all about your sons welfare then run as fast as you can away from this man.

Leave, OP.

OP, you and your husband come from abusive backgrounds. He seems to be perpetuating the abuse, and you are minimising it.

Leave. Please leave. Then see what you can do to break the cycle -- alone.

I, too, grew up in an abusive family, and I know of what I speak.

Stop minimising his behaviour. Telling yourself that ds's childhood isn't a fucked up as yours so it must be ok is ridiculous.

Men kill their babies by accident you know, and he is behaving exactly like a man who could do that. He's violent, aggressive and abusive. Get your baby away from him or risk losing him, either because your shitty husband kills him, or social services remove him, or he grows up to hate and despise you for not protecting him from his dad.

All that needs to happen is for him to snap, that's all it takes. And your baby will be hurt.

It happens OP.

Mendelli, your husband has been physically abusive - the throwing things and attempting to destroy things like the pram are threatening and abusive. You can't have a person who behaves like that around your baby, it's dangerous. In the long run it will damage your baby's development as well to be living in a terrifying and unstable home.

"Not good with baby"? That is a massive understatement. You need to do something about this right now. Toddlers are much more irritating than babies and if he cannot control himself now, it will only get worse

You need to ask him to go and stay somewhere and if he won't, then you and your baby need to go and stay somewhere. While you are apart, he needs to take serious and concrete steps to address his anger issues, otherwise you need to stay apart

It's not safe for you or your son.