He called me a lunatic

[Lula2515]

Which I quite possibly am because I'm posting about the same thing again. I don't expect you to understand, I just need to get it out there..

DP and I have been having problems for a while. Nearly left him when I was heavily pregnant as he'd denied I was his gf and pretended he didn't know I was pregnant to two women he was flirting with on a business trip.

He knows what a huge issue that was for me...I was devastated. I only found out because I was looking at his work emails.
We had a big chat on Monday night about whether we should stay together, I had asked him about something to do with the messages, which was months ago but is still playing on my mind. I basically thought he had lied to get in one of their pants.

We had this big chat and decided to move fwd with me trusting him and him showing me he loved me.

Well I just looked at his work emails again (I know that's not quite my side of the deal..) and on Monday afternoon (so in fairness before the chat) he was emailing the woman we had an issue with in the first place saying that being a dad was horrific because he was so exhausted and "the mum is a lunatic". I'm so upset that he a. Called me "the mum" and b. was again slagging me off to this woman.

He was also messaging a friend saying he'd looked up how much he'd have to pay me in child support and she had sent him a couple of links to properties he could rent...so god knows what he's been saying to her.

I'm now hiding in the toilet not sure how to carry on....should I just accept that we were having a rough time and this was before our chat? Or bring it up with the risk that he will go ape shit?

I guess the main things to consider is accommodation, and getting your finances in order. If you need to apply for benefits for example, look up everything you are entitled to, have your documents, bank statements etc. organised.

I would make a plan to leave on a day when he is at work, send him off and then get ready to leave. In the meantime, start gathering paperwork, passports and stash them somewhere safe. Depending on how much you have to take, could you get a friend to help load up?

lula I wouldn't bother with a dramatic show down.

I'd just pack a bag and leave if he asks why just say 'this isn't working for me any more'

You will soon see the worth of this man when you leave. He might fight for you back - he may not but at least you know the answer.

Contact C.A.B to see what you are entitled to regarding money to get you going while you get on your feet.

I don't think what you say matters so much as actually going. You don't want biding your time to turn into denial again.

Just skimmed through the thread. Your mum sounds very sensible.

All you need to say to him, if anything, is, "I'm not putting up with another minute of this headfuck."

I don't actually think he wouldn't let me have my things...I just wouldn't want to get into that with him.

lula

I'm one of those pesky anti snooping types I can't abide spying but come on even I can understand why you looked.

If he really wanted to put it behind you both and move forward with love and trust the only reasonable action on his behalf would have been to disclose those messages existence to you. Let you know what was said why he said it to enable you both to make a choice based on all the information.

Your baby son is 4 weeks old do not let him grow up thinking this is an acceptable way to treat people you profess to love

If you want to leave just leave. No drama, no tears. Just say you're fed up with him being a twat and you and your baby deserve better. Don't go into it. It will have more effect if you show how strong you are. You can shout at him later once you've gone to your Mum's and feel a bit stronger.You can get your stuff when he's at work.

I know this is hard. But he is an arsehole. An arsehole that you must escape from.

I had very similar to this situation when I was pregnant with my first. I was desperate, I begged, I held on. He left anyway. Didn't give a shit about me or the new baby. Met his new girlfriend while I was in labour. Didn't bother to come and register the birth... The list goes on.

It has seriously affected my relationship with DS. He is 6 now and I feel like we missed out on that vital initial bond. I wish things has been different; I wish I'd been stronger and not relied on my twat of an ex for self-worth.

That aside, I'm SO glad he left me. I'm getting married next month to my amazing DP and we have two lovely daughters.

Good luck x

Hope you do leave and soon, he deserves everything he gets... Karma much
Good luck with the rest of your life, your mum sounds fantastic ...

Thank you for all your replies. It helps to know from an outside pov that I'm not insane!xxx

When he goes to work, how long is he out for?

Basically, you need to leave in that time and take as much stuff as possible.

Have you got anyone to help you?

What Sort of things will you need to move, is it clothes or the actually wardrobes?

I ask because having helped more than once it's amazing what can fit into a smallish car. Even managed a prized painting on one occasion, and it wasn't small either.

So, practical things -

birth certificates, your's and DS's,
passport,
driving license,
bank statement/cards,
credit cards,
contact details for any bills in your name to change address later, ditto child benefit and GP/dentist
Your clothes and toiletries *
DS's clothes, toys and toiletries *
Mobile phone, any other electricals of yours

Anything else that you brought to the flat, furniture, cutlery and crockery, ornaments. All could be replaced over time if needed but if you have support and planty of time and can get a van loaded up you may as well take everything that is yours

• can be replaced if you don't have space or time for everything.

Good idea to take a few days to get organized just don't listen to his bullshit in the meantime.

My DH told me last week that my "mind is shit" when he came home after midnight smelling of alcohol after not messaging to tell me that he was going out and where after work and that he forgot to tell me he was going out with friends (he was still at the venue at 11:30pm when I called him). We've barely talked since and I was sleeping on the couch for a week because I couldn't bear to be near him. Today I find out, after opening our mail, that one of our major bank accounts (located overseas) is in unauthorised overdraft which means it's been cleared out? This letter is dated from about a week before our blowup.

Mine is also very charming to outside world...

OP, methinks 'LTB' is rather apt in your situation.

If you can, go to your mother's during this time, you really don't want to go thru childbirth alone, then get on to the CSA, he clearly isn't a quality man.