He called me a lunatic

[Lula2515]

Which I quite possibly am because I'm posting about the same thing again. I don't expect you to understand, I just need to get it out there..

DP and I have been having problems for a while. Nearly left him when I was heavily pregnant as he'd denied I was his gf and pretended he didn't know I was pregnant to two women he was flirting with on a business trip.

He knows what a huge issue that was for me...I was devastated. I only found out because I was looking at his work emails.
We had a big chat on Monday night about whether we should stay together, I had asked him about something to do with the messages, which was months ago but is still playing on my mind. I basically thought he had lied to get in one of their pants.

We had this big chat and decided to move fwd with me trusting him and him showing me he loved me.

Well I just looked at his work emails again (I know that's not quite my side of the deal..) and on Monday afternoon (so in fairness before the chat) he was emailing the woman we had an issue with in the first place saying that being a dad was horrific because he was so exhausted and "the mum is a lunatic". I'm so upset that he a. Called me "the mum" and b. was again slagging me off to this woman.

He was also messaging a friend saying he'd looked up how much he'd have to pay me in child support and she had sent him a couple of links to properties he could rent...so god knows what he's been saying to her.

I'm now hiding in the toilet not sure how to carry on....should I just accept that we were having a rough time and this was before our chat? Or bring it up with the risk that he will go ape shit?

denied I was his gf and pretended he didn't know I was pregnant to two women - did you post about this? it sounds familiar.

ditch the loser. he's messing you about. sort out some kind of life with your baby and be happy.

Wow reading MN responses whilst walking round asda..not sensible, really do look like a lunatic fighting back the tears!!

Yes I did post about that. You all told me to leave then.

Just left a message for my mum at work to call me back. Feeling pretty devastated right now, getting a taxi home with my ds and intend to spend the rest of the day having cuddles on the sofa

There is no risk that if you leave him, you might be leaving a relationship that could have worked out if only you tried. If there was any part of him that wanted to make it work he'd fight for you and his baby as PTA says. I think you need to focus on what is best for you and your baby, and do that. Because every day you are with this man is a day ruined that should have been a happy time with your baby. Don't let him take any more time, please. Trying to build your self esteem on his reactions is a hopeless mission (it is called self esteem, and you'll only start to build it up when you get out of this situation). Do yourself that favour, and your self esteem will start to rise.

He's using the 'reverse phychology' technique.
He wants you to end it so he doesn't look like the lying cheating scumbag that he is.
Nicely played by him I must admit but please don't fall for it.
Take the power back now.
I hope you can get to your mums sooner rather than later.
Get that RL support and love.
Good luck and I think you need a good (((((((HUG))))))

PSYCHOLOGY - sorry for bad spelling!

Wow op what a wanker!

He is trying to make you feel this is all your fault. That you want to end it because of the way you are behaving.

The messages to the other girls show what a twat he is.

Don't be fooled by this liar. He will leave when he gets a better offer.

I brought my dd1 up all by myself. We were a tight little family and a very happy one at that.

Some people are utter bastards no matter how lovely their partners are. It's not their partners fault. It's just because they are cunts.

Do you want your dd growing up thinking it's ok for men to treat her like this? How would you feel if a man was treating her like your 'd'p is treating you? You would be raging!

Get angry, get angry for you and your little dd that this arsehole is treating you both like this

Here it is straight.

1. he does not love you or care for you.

2. he is having sex with someone else.

3. he is setting you up to blame for the end of the relationship.

4. you are so much better than this.

Get out of there. Protect your emotional and mental well-being, start to take care of yourself. Stop playing the game, it is rigged and you cannot 'win', and thank fuck for that because he is an entirely self-serving mendacious bastard. Take your baby and yourself away from this lying, manipulative player and never go back.

Spoke to my mum. Told her about this thread. She agrees with you. Was very calm and asked me how long I was going to drag this out and then come home. Said he doesn't love me.

Lula - just sending a hand hold. You know you've done the right thing but it stills feels shit, eh ?

Your mum sounds like a gem. Imagine being with her and your beautiful new daughter now. It's going to be hard but your life will transform.

Most couples after their child is born are in a bubble of happiness/tiredness/wonder etc. It should be a really special time. He's taken that away from you, but it's very early days, and you now have it all to look forward to.

He's such a loser in so many ways, but he doesn't even know it - but now it's not your problem.

The idea of leaving the relationship when you have just embarked on motherhood, and you did so with the idea you would be doing it with someone, must be terrifying. But honestly, having a partner to parent with is only a benefit if the person is involved, caring and supportive (and I acknowledge there are differences in how dads can and do show that). However, it sounds like all your partner has given you is stress and worry. That is not helping your path as a mother, it is making it worse. Maternal stress is no good for anyone, and there is no way that you deserve this.

I agree with the others, he doesn't want to dump you because then he has to take responsibility for the fact that he has dumped his girlfriend and baby. However, he is in no way in this relationship. If he can't behave like a grown-up, then you have to. He sounds like a total waste of space at the moment and you need to take yourself out of this horrible situation.

Leave, and enjoy your baby without the stress of a complete idiot in the house with you. good luck

Ah, glad your mum had come through

She wanted you to have what you thought you had. Now she has acknowledged you haven't got it after all and no prospect of it, she is speaking sense

Listen to your Mother!!!
They always know best.

Mum knows best.

I've had times where I'm not happy. When that's been the case my DH has shown nothing but concern and wanted to help me through it. He certainly hasn't referred to me as a lunatic!

The fact that your OH hasn't stepped up and is denigrating you to others tells you how little he thinks of you, even if he's not cheated. Sorry

You're doing the right thing for you and your baby. I'm glad your DM is there for you.

You'll get through this and be stronger and happier. Good luck to you

Ah that was brave Lula. I am glad your mum is there for you.

Ok so ideas on how to approach this with DP? Calling him a fucking cunt and packing my (very small) wheely suitcase would be satisfying for about 5 minutes but not very practical or helpful in the long run...

I would just say that as you are fully aware of what he has been doing and saying behind your back, and the face he has more faces than a town hall clock, that you are gone, taking your self esteem, dignity and most importantly your gorgeous child with you.

• fact he has more faces...

Just tell him what you've now found, that it's the end of the road and you're leaving.

I've a sneaking suspicion he won't put up much of a fight. As heartbreaking as that is for you, it will make things easier in the long run.

Personally I'd say that in a healthy relationship where one partner knows the other isn't happy, they try to help and support them.

He's not meeting your emotional needs and you know that in addition, he's been bad nothing you to others so is clearly not bothered about your feelings.

You deserve the chance to find better and so can't continue with him.

Just leave. You've got somewhere to go. Get out before he ups the manipulation x

Might need to bide my time for a day or so to get myself together and think about practicalities I.e. making sure I can get a van to get all my stuff in case he doesn't let me back in....need to put my sensible head on. Any practical advice of stuff I've not thought of?

No practical advice at the moment Lula, but I'm so sorry this has happened to you and soo glad you are getting away from him. You love the man you thought he was, but truth is that he frankly unloveable and total without principles. A good man would treat you kindly even if he didn't love you.

Get to your mother's as soon as can so that you can start enjoying your baby

If you already think he will lock you out of your belongings, doesn't that tell you all you need to know ?