Boyfriend broke up with me - but giving mixed messages

[hiphoplollipop30]

Hello,

If you're taking the time to read this, thank you.

I want to keep it quite brief as I could probably type all this out for hours :)

We're both 30, we were together for 5 years. He had a brain aneurysm 6 months into our relationship and suffered from bad depression after this, and his personality seemed more volatile, dramatic and mean at times.

To say our relationship was a struggle for me is putting it mildly. Constant mood changes, negativity, selfishness etc. But I always had the hope that our day would come.

Then I lost my job and had to move home (2 hour train ride away) and things settled a bit, because of the distance I imagine. He avoided committing to me though, didn't seem desperate to have me back in London or to move in with me etc.

You know how someone verbally attacks you, and everything they're saying is a description of themselves? That happened a lot. It was like there was a switch in his head that went off every few weeks without fail. Then would try and carry on like nothing had happened.

I wanted out this past September because he was being so mean and rubbish and tried to communicate this to him, he got angry etc. A week later he was adamant that we shouldn't give up on our relationship and will I come down to London as he has planned something for our 5 year anniversary.

Me being a big softie, I agreed. It was a great weekend.

Two weeks later he called me to say he was not happy, and his feelings aren't as strong for me anymore - he basically said everything I had said the weeks previously. I was upset, but I agreed this can't go on.

He said the ideal for him would be, when I get back from travelling (Jan - March) that we settle down properly if we still love each other.

I didn't grasp onto this. He still wanted me to visit for my birthday the following week and to take me out etc. I went down to London but with my friends and had a fun few days. He came to the night do and was all attentive etc like he was still my boyfriend. Then at the end of the night (after he'd had a few) he burst into tears, cried like a baby.

The day of my birthday he took me shopping and spent £700 on me. Then took me out for dinner - then it all went south and that horrible side to him creeped out and he told me I was always negative and cynical - this was at my birthday dinner.

The night was ruined. Great memory.

The next morning he apologised and said he loves me, do I love him too? I said yes. He said lets hold each other as this may be the last we see each other.

What? Last week it was a different story.

I left London that day, I was very upset for the next week just because he had tarnished the memory of my birthday so horribly and the messages he was giving me were so mixed.

He keeps contacting me about every other day, just mundane topics that are to do with his life, not mine.

Sometimes I respond, sometimes I don't.

Then he texted me this "I'm unhappy that we couldn't be together. Because I do love you, you were a great girlfriend, but we just shouldn't be together."

I agreed with him, stayed unemotional.

The thing that has messed my head up, is the mixed messages and odd behaviour - I can guarantee if I still lived in London he would have turned up at my door at some point or asked to see me. But being up here its easier to not have me on his mind I guess.

Just trying to move on, but interested to know other people's opinions, or if you have experienced something similar.

Any feedback would be hugely appreciated - trying to sort my head out :)

Thank you xx

[tipsytrifle]

Don't wait for money or a response that would infuriate you if it ever came, dear soul. Live, search for your heart-mate if you so choose and be Happy

[JaceyBee]

God, he sounds utterly insufferable! What a boring, whiny, self-pitying, narcissistic douche! Quite the little prince isn't he? No-one recognises how special he is, he's so tortured and misunderstood. Yawn. Twats like this are ten a penny unfortunately. Here's to a 2015 free of him and his ilk! Nice one on the NC so far, keep it up!

[NoRoomAtTheGin]

Here's to 2015, the time for new starts and getting rid of bad habits - exactly what he is my darling x

[hiphoplollipop30]

Been crying for about the past hour - what set it off was my Dad being a miserable old sod at a nice Xmas Eve dinner that we all went out to. Rolling his eyes when I ordered a drink (barely been drinking and just felt like I wanted to the numb the pain for an evening - but no!) now my Mum has taken it out on me and I've been in bed since 9pm. My life is far too exciting!!

I must never live at home again - not only for my sanity but probably for my parents'.

Dreading tomorrow, think this is the first time in 30 years I've not looked forward to Christmas. Think I'll just get drunk

Proud of myself for not sending anything else after the email over a week ago - still, hurts a bit that he could be cruel and ignore me, but at the same time not shocking I guess.

Yes, can't wait for 2015, won't be doing anything on NYE here in the middle of nowhere, plan to be away for next Xmas and New Year!!

[MistressDeeCee]

Mindgames. Go No Contact with him. You can set yourself a limit of 30 days if that seems better. Im sure you'll get support on MN whilst going through that. He'll mess you around forever if you let him, at the expense of your emotional health. If a man wants to be with you then he is with you. If he doesn't want to be, then he pulls shit like this. There's no "in-between".

How do you know what he says about his parents is true? You weren't there when he was growing up. His parents treat you well. Selfish mind-gamers always have a "blame" story. He'll be telling a story about you by now.

Focus on getting him out of your life, its not a relationship its a charade

[hiphoplollipop30]

Called him yesterday as he hadn't replied about this plane ticket money. I figured I want to call him and find out what is going on so I'm going to.

It was like talking to a moody teenage boy, I got the predicted 'you've been ignoring me' etc. I stayed upbeat, explained why I was ignoring briefly and shock horror he disagreed with my reasoning, that he hadn't said anything hurtful, he'd just stated facts, he hadn't cursed me out or anything.

I said you hurt my feelings, I imagine deep down you know you did, and thats the end of it.

He's going to send me half of the money for the plane ticket next week, which is what I'd asked for.

I'm not concerned, and I felt fine after the conversation, but he sounded like the most miserable person walking this earth. You think you'd pep it up for the ex? At least pretend you're fine?

I said you don't sound very well, he said that this is just how he is now, if I were to ask his Mum, Dad, sister, they'd all agree that this is just how he is now.

So I guess everyone except me has to conform to his nasty attitude.

He then mentioned a friend of his was pissing him off.

I feel so good that nothing has changed! He is still falling out with or getting pissed off at someone in his life - I read on another post if you know one arsehole you know one arsehole, if you know many arseholes, you are the arsehole.

A mutual friend called me later on and said ex has lost his marbles, that I was the only good thing in his life that would make him feel better and now I've gone.

Back to packing for NYC

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Believe NOTHING that you are told, hiphop, really. Not from mutual friends either because they either don't have the facts, have been misled or like to stir. It's gratifying to think that an ex has fallen apart or that we were the only good thing in their lives... but it's really not flattering to have been partnered up with a flakey, spineless muppet even if it were true, is it?

If you don't receive the money next week then don't be surprised. I think that you should, at that point, write it off completely and really stop getting in touch with your ex. If your ex had anything about him, he would have got the money together and contacted YOU with you having to chase him for it. That should tell you all that you need to know about him. Cut your last ties to him and write off the money if he doesn't drop it off to you. Contact is painful, don't inflict that on yourself anymore.

Have a great time in NYC and put this relationship far behind you

[CheersMedea]

You could always try this:

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2819671/Man-offers-free-round-world-trip-women-called-Elizabeth-Gallagher-nasty-break-girlfriend-supposed-go.html

[Meerka]

A mutual friend called me later on and said ex has lost his marbles, that I was the only good thing in his life that would make him feel better and now I've gone.

i hope your friend wasn't subtly trying to guilt you.

[hiphoplollipop30]

The friend went to school with him and I've known him for a few years - he is most definitely supportive that I should only do whats best for me and that I deserve much much better.

He glossed over an evening they had had where ex almost drank himself to death, something the friend had not experienced before - and it was his thought that ex has lost best thing he had.

I felt nothing, just glad it wasn't all in my head and us breaking up would then mean the ex was now happy, pleasant and 'together'.

So it was very helpful in easing my doubts.

CheersMedea I saw that article a few weeks ago and thought I need to do that! haha

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe 100%, if he was a good man I wouldn't have needed to ask for it. Would have sent me it even if I'd told him he didn't have to.