Hello,
If you're taking the time to read this, thank you.
I want to keep it quite brief as I could probably type all this out for hours :)
We're both 30, we were together for 5 years. He had a brain aneurysm 6 months into our relationship and suffered from bad depression after this, and his personality seemed more volatile, dramatic and mean at times.
To say our relationship was a struggle for me is putting it mildly. Constant mood changes, negativity, selfishness etc. But I always had the hope that our day would come.
Then I lost my job and had to move home (2 hour train ride away) and things settled a bit, because of the distance I imagine. He avoided committing to me though, didn't seem desperate to have me back in London or to move in with me etc.
You know how someone verbally attacks you, and everything they're saying is a description of themselves? That happened a lot. It was like there was a switch in his head that went off every few weeks without fail. Then would try and carry on like nothing had happened.
I wanted out this past September because he was being so mean and rubbish and tried to communicate this to him, he got angry etc. A week later he was adamant that we shouldn't give up on our relationship and will I come down to London as he has planned something for our 5 year anniversary.
Me being a big softie, I agreed. It was a great weekend.
Two weeks later he called me to say he was not happy, and his feelings aren't as strong for me anymore - he basically said everything I had said the weeks previously. I was upset, but I agreed this can't go on.
He said the ideal for him would be, when I get back from travelling (Jan - March) that we settle down properly if we still love each other.
I didn't grasp onto this. He still wanted me to visit for my birthday the following week and to take me out etc. I went down to London but with my friends and had a fun few days. He came to the night do and was all attentive etc like he was still my boyfriend. Then at the end of the night (after he'd had a few) he burst into tears, cried like a baby.
The day of my birthday he took me shopping and spent £700 on me. Then took me out for dinner - then it all went south and that horrible side to him creeped out and he told me I was always negative and cynical - this was at my birthday dinner.
The night was ruined. Great memory.
The next morning he apologised and said he loves me, do I love him too? I said yes. He said lets hold each other as this may be the last we see each other.
What? Last week it was a different story.
I left London that day, I was very upset for the next week just because he had tarnished the memory of my birthday so horribly and the messages he was giving me were so mixed.
He keeps contacting me about every other day, just mundane topics that are to do with his life, not mine.
Sometimes I respond, sometimes I don't.
Then he texted me this "I'm unhappy that we couldn't be together. Because I do love you, you were a great girlfriend, but we just shouldn't be together."
I agreed with him, stayed unemotional.
The thing that has messed my head up, is the mixed messages and odd behaviour - I can guarantee if I still lived in London he would have turned up at my door at some point or asked to see me. But being up here its easier to not have me on his mind I guess.
Just trying to move on, but interested to know other people's opinions, or if you have experienced something similar.
Any feedback would be hugely appreciated - trying to sort my head out :)
Thank you xx
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Relationships
Boyfriend broke up with me - but giving mixed messages
hiphoplollipop30 · 24/11/2014 21:18
The friend went to school with him and I've known him for a few years - he is most definitely supportive that I should only do whats best for me and that I deserve much much better.
He glossed over an evening they had had where ex almost drank himself to death, something the friend had not experienced before - and it was his thought that ex has lost best thing he had.
I felt nothing, just glad it wasn't all in my head and us breaking up would then mean the ex was now happy, pleasant and 'together'.
So it was very helpful in easing my doubts.
CheersMedea I saw that article a few weeks ago and thought I need to do that! haha 
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe 100%, if he was a good man I wouldn't have needed to ask for it. Would have sent me it even if I'd told him he didn't have to.
Called him yesterday as he hadn't replied about this plane ticket money. I figured I want to call him and find out what is going on so I'm going to.
It was like talking to a moody teenage boy, I got the predicted 'you've been ignoring me' etc. I stayed upbeat, explained why I was ignoring briefly and shock horror he disagreed with my reasoning, that he hadn't said anything hurtful, he'd just stated facts, he hadn't cursed me out or anything.
I said you hurt my feelings, I imagine deep down you know you did, and thats the end of it.
He's going to send me half of the money for the plane ticket next week, which is what I'd asked for.
I'm not concerned, and I felt fine after the conversation, but he sounded like the most miserable person walking this earth. You think you'd pep it up for the ex? At least pretend you're fine?
I said you don't sound very well, he said that this is just how he is now, if I were to ask his Mum, Dad, sister, they'd all agree that this is just how he is now.
So I guess everyone except me has to conform to his nasty attitude.
He then mentioned a friend of his was pissing him off.
I feel so good that nothing has changed! He is still falling out with or getting pissed off at someone in his life - I read on another post if you know one arsehole you know one arsehole, if you know many arseholes, you are the arsehole.
A mutual friend called me later on and said ex has lost his marbles, that I was the only good thing in his life that would make him feel better and now I've gone.
Back to packing for NYC 
Been crying for about the past hour - what set it off was my Dad being a miserable old sod at a nice Xmas Eve dinner that we all went out to. Rolling his eyes when I ordered a drink (barely been drinking and just felt like I wanted to the numb the pain for an evening - but no!) now my Mum has taken it out on me and I've been in bed since 9pm. My life is far too exciting!! 
I must never live at home again - not only for my sanity but probably for my parents'.
Dreading tomorrow, think this is the first time in 30 years I've not looked forward to Christmas. Think I'll just get drunk 
Proud of myself for not sending anything else after the email over a week ago - still, hurts a bit that he could be cruel and ignore me, but at the same time not shocking I guess.
Yes, can't wait for 2015, won't be doing anything on NYE here in the middle of nowhere, plan to be away for next Xmas and New Year!!
Don't wait for money or a response that would infuriate you if it ever came, dear soul. Live, search for your heart-mate if you so choose and be Happy 
Still nothing!! 
I don't regret contacting him but what the hell?
Said he missed me, understands Im hurting, hates that I'm ignoring him - so I guess yeah ignore me back - makes perfect sense.
He's either slumped into a deep depression, is being stubborn in deciding to ignore me back, or hates me.
He'll never change.
No reply so far.
Just got back from being in town and I've gone through six tissues crying my eyes out.
I was find yesterday!
Thanks for the support and wise words hiphop. I too am on the wine! Yes he treated me so badly at the end and yet until then we were so very happy together (at least i was!). Truly the happiest ive ever been which is why its all come as such a shock and been so hard to let go of. Like your positive thinking about better, kinder people out there - we deserve it 
Any reply about the ticket yet? Well done for staying NC. I've been NC for about 5 weeks now and i THINK the pain might be lessening a bit. Fags and wine are def helping! We still have lots of friends in common but i try not to mention him when i see or speak to them and they havent brought him up either which is good. I am trying to visualise a happy future with a loving, FAITHFUL partner (ha!) and maybe a little one in my arms - it seems to be helping a bit :)
Totally understand what youre saying about people asking you 'why did you keep trying to do nice things for this guy?' I'm a total fixer and always believe being kind and nice can solve everything. You sound similar! And to be honest, some might call it naive, but i like living my life that way. I dont want to be cold and untrusting. Yes we got burned but we at least we know we always did our best!
Lots of love to you. We will get through this!!
I agree that it's a hell of a toll to pay ... many of us have to bite the bullet on debt accrued one way or another by gits .. join the skint club, darling one! By Goddess, it sucks! Anyhow, I'm glad you don't intend to contact again. You'll get through the financials, I know you will. He ignored you because he's a twat. He WILL contact you back soon-ish. Please don't respond when he does! Your choice of course, I'm a bit bossy sometimes 
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I emailed him tuesday evening about the plane ticket - still no reply.
Not shocked, he's spiteful by nature so we'll see if he replies over the next few days. I imagine he's still pissed off about me ignoring him and now I'm asking for money.
We got together in the October, and his first slip up was in February - turned on me in public when he was drunk. He got made redundant just before or after that Xmas, started smoking weed and drinking more.
However when I met his friends for the first time, friends he went to school with, the girls were quick to say that he's moody/has a temper.
Leading up to his aneurysm I'd say he was depressed - he smoked weed a lot and would come over with alcohol. I sat down with him one evening to calmly tell him his behaviour was not acceptable, that I'm worried about him and do not want him coming over to my fancy new flat with booze and weed and standing on my balcony making calls to his friends. Well, he flipped. You'd think I'd accused him of cheating - I felt a bit traumatised by that and I guess it was the early warning sign telling me to get out - honestly, just calmly trying to talk to him and he lost it.
Then I threw him a surprise party after he'd been out of hospital for a month or so, with all his friends, he loved it - but a few days later called me yelling at me that I never should have done that, its made him feel like shit etc. Another warning sign I should have left.
Few months later I bought us a trip to Amsterdam (I wasn't earning very much) as he always talked about his visits there and I wanted to go with him. He picked a fight with me out of nowhere a week before his bday (he went on to do this a week before his bday for the next few years, weird) and I ended up telling him I was planning to take him to Amsterdam. He was livid. Told me I shouldn't have done that, he doesn't want to go and will not go. Well I was beside myself, told him I couldn't be with someone that just throws it back in my face when I try to do something nice. Of course a few days later after silencing me out he got his shit together and we went and had a great time.
Honestly, its like he has a switch in his head - whether caused by the aneurysm or not. 
Looking back on what I just typed, I can see why a lot of people would be like 'why did you keep trying to do nice things for this guy?' but honestly I'd never been in a 'bad' relationship or with someone that has a temper etc so I was quite clueless in how to deal with it and understand.
Having gone through this, if someone didn't want to communicate calmly about a problem, or threw it back in my face when I did something nice for them, they wouldn't even get a second chance.
ouch about the ticket but you've done the right thing to ask him to pay towards it. Have you researched aneurysms at all? What was he like in the first 6mths before it happened? If he was a nasty sod all through then that is probably his innate bad nature. Though aneurysms cause trouble for a long time before they burst.
You can't over-analyse Nature with any real satisfaction! You can learn about the physiology of a blood-burst in the brain and gain some understanding of what's going on alongside his shitty character. But really, you've done so well to maintain NC because this really is over
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