Mil makes me angry!

[2rainbows2angels]

So after a rant to my mother and some texts to my sister I still need to express my dislike for my mil! Im angry!!
It was my baby girls 1st birthday today, we had a family party between 2-5..now my sisters husband had to go to the hospital as his nan had been rushed there, sister asked if she could stay until her husband could make it back with the car..fine. My mum stayed on a little longer to help with the clearing up..most appreciated. My mil turns up at 4:30, by 5:10 I find she's followed my husband into the hallway and without being aware I had followed her (I know she likes to have secret chats with her son) she said 'so when is everybody else leaving' indicating she wants my children (also have a 3.5 year old boy) all to herself, my husband then says 'I have no control over that' he would rather my family were not there at all (for no reason other than he hates people in his house..clean freak!) so I confronted her and she denied it all. Later on when she was leaving my sister picked up my daughter her took her to say goodbye to mil, only to be told 'oh I best not, I'm not allowed to touch her!' Now my daughter is clingy, a proper mummies girl and as you can imagine by 5:45 absolutely knackered from a busy overwhelming day so even more so, she would opt for being with me over doing anything else! So again I confronted her, big argument!
I lost two babies during pregnancy so my survivors are my world, I do anything with and for them, I don't ask for help and I don't ask for babysitters I am over joyed with doing it all myself..yet no matter how many times we tell mil this she still wants them (her words->) without me or my husband there! This doesn't happen with anybody so why she thinks it's ok to keep asking is beyond me. I got bullied into leaving my son with her once, I went home and cried until I could pick him up (how dare she make me feel like that!) they are my children not hers and yet she insists on nagging and moaning at them like they are.
We go to her house every Sunday afternoon, she takes my eldest off and will not co play with us all in the same room, she moans she doesn't see them enough..my family only sees them once a week too. She insists on carrying my one year old round like a baby (she's been walking for two months and likes to join in) if my daughter is sitting with mil and my daughter decides she wants to get up my mil physical restrains her from getting up and joining in! There is so many more things but I'd be writing for days..just wanted people's opinion on whether I am being selfish and should hand my children over to her when she wants? Am I unreasonable for not letting them go?

I think there are a whole load of children nowadays who could benefit from the previous generation's values, to be honest. Not including smacking, for those who did, of course.

The suggestion that all members of the older generation think they did it better and that all parents today are better parents is frankly ridiculous.

There have always been "fashions" in parenting but there are good parents and self-absorbed parents in every generation.
These sort of generalisations and assumptions stand in the way of giving constructive support.

I don't think parents always think their way is the best-many people are reflective and can see what they could have or could do better.

I love the comment above that as the OP had married MIL's son she "must have done something right"... The only thing my MIL did right is getting knocked up to a man who my husband feels he can respect.

She did SO much wrong in his childhood I could cry just thinking about it :( So my DH is wonderful IN SPITE of his mother.

My problem is going to be letting go of the negative feelings I already have and giving her a chance to prove herself with the kids. I can tell you this though - it won't be unsupervised for a very long time. There's a lot of damage that needs to be repaired before I (and my DH) could trust his mother alone with our most precious child/ren. It's getting there, but it'll take time.

I don't understand why you're getting so much grief, especially as your issues are so similar to mine (see thread I dont want to spend my maternity leave with MIL)
Why should you had your children over to her? I had the same pressure when my DD was just a few weeks old and I cried when she took her away too! You let them babysit when you're ready, the pressure from her will only make you more possessive and it certainly does for me.
I also know that if I give my MIL an inch she'll take a yard, yours sounds similar. You're only reacting to her behaviour which is perfectly natural. You're their mother and there's this other woman swanning in trying to play mum! Listen to the women on your side, they really helped me.
You feel the way you do for a reason, it's your instincts kicking in, listen to them and read some of the advice on my thread too.