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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you be happy for your sister and your husband to share a bed?

147 replies

jumpinchillybean · 17/11/2014 20:05

I'm 7 months pregnant and my husband's snoring has been getting on my nerves. I also get restless and am a light sleeper because of heartburn. So, halfway through the night, I sometimes ask him to sleep on the settee .
That way, we both get some sleep.

My sister has been staying with us for a while because her flat was recently flooded, and I have just found out that she has taken pity on him and has let him into her bed on at least two occasions over the last month!
The only reason I found out, was I went down for a glass of milk a few nights ago and he was no longer on the settee.
I heard laughing and found them in bed together.
They weren't doing anything and weren't even led close to each other.
There was no jumping apart when they saw me. Or guilt that I could see.
The spare bed is a Kingsize, so there was plenty of space between them.

It seemed to be on the level, and I was so tired, I went straight back to bed and decided to ask questions in the morning.

The next morning, in the kitchen, I questioned them and according to her and him, all they've done is chat and then fall asleep and I should be okay about it, because she's my sister and I can trust her and she would never do anything to hurt me. And she said she felt sorry that she was a guest and had a bed and yet he had to sleep on the settee.
And in her words: 'She sees him as a brother anyway'. He said he looks upon her as an extra sister.

My friends (and my mother) think I'm crazy to allow this. But, she's my sister and I can trust her. Can't I? Hmm

The only thing that makes me slightly uneasy is that she dresses skimpily in front of him and is very flirty. But that is and always has been her nature. She is like it with everybody.
Still, it makes me feel a bit shit, because I feel unattractive and frumpy at the moment as it is. This is making me feel worse.
And if I'm honest, I feel a bit hurt by their attitude. The way he seems to flirts with her and the way she encourages it.
Or am I imagining it?

Is it normal for a sister to treat another sister in this way? is she just being kind in sharing her bed?
Is this being too close?
Am I being paranoid? Or is it all the fault of my hormones.
Should I be okay with it?

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 17/11/2014 22:26

Although this looks to be a wind up thread.

jumpinchillybean · 17/11/2014 22:26

And thank you.
I wanted to hear all views in case I was overreacting.
I wasn't!

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 17/11/2014 22:26

Your DH agrees it is best she is not here, but he was happy to share a bed with her?

Purpleroxy · 17/11/2014 22:32

I would not in a million years get into bed with my husband's brother.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 17/11/2014 22:40

So if people had said you were over reacting would you have told your sister she could stay?

jumpinchillybean · 17/11/2014 22:45

So if people had said you were over reacting would you have told your sister she could stay

No. my gut now says this is wrong.
A sister should not be getting that friendly with her sisters husband. It's plain nasty the more I think about it.
I think I needed to chew it over. Get some views.

OP posts:
d0ttyne11 · 17/11/2014 22:54

The most valuable advice here is it's not you causing any rift in the run up to Christmas. You have done more than your share letting her stay in your spare room while you're expecting. Enough free-loading. She is not your responsibility. It may feel like you are just pulling your weight with her at times but you're not the third parent to her.

Glad your husband has talked to you about this too. Good luck with this final push for the baby coming. You both need to be stronger as a couple than ever now and be ready to stand firm with any childish behaviour - from any generation of your family!

motleymop · 17/11/2014 22:56

I was going to say what backinthering said - In Her Shoes!

fanjobiscuits · 17/11/2014 23:00

No. And I don't even have a sister.

mamaduckbone · 17/11/2014 23:04

Yes, with my sister and my husband. I don't think dh would be impressed though! In the situation you've described perhaps less so...

MorrisZapp · 17/11/2014 23:06

Just when you think mumsnet is a welcome refuge from the rampant sexism of the real world, we get this shite.

Scenario: man gets into bed with a woman who is not his wife, while his wife sleeps in the next room.

Response: she's a slag!

Seriously, mumsnet? Really, really, seriously?

If this thread is genuine I'll paint my arse with baby oil and serve up champagne from my crack, but the responses are the worst I've seen on here in a long time. What hope is there for any of our daughters when this double moral standard is flown loud and proud by women who should know so much better.

AnyFucker · 17/11/2014 23:10

< jumps up and down >

MZ, look what I posted upthread... looook

and another thing, just when you thought MN was a welcome respite from the braindead shite that is the The Kardashians you get this Grin

TheSpottedZebra · 17/11/2014 23:12

OP can you advise if you're actually wasting people's time with a pretendy Kardashian scenario, or are you genuine?

Chippednailvarnish · 17/11/2014 23:14

I love you Anyfucker!

Maybe you should take a rearward facing motorbike ride with your DH OP, it's bound to make you feel better.

PunkrockerGirl · 17/11/2014 23:14

No. Inappropriate and weird.

AnyFucker · 17/11/2014 23:16

Ooh, thanks, Chipped

Come join me in chat. We are discussing bastard satsumas and other food disappointments Smile

ExitPursuedByABear · 17/11/2014 23:20

Man and woman share bed.

Must mean sex then.

Yawn.

MorrisZapp · 17/11/2014 23:31

Yes I saw your response AF :)

You were the lone voice of reason.

AnyFucker · 17/11/2014 23:32

I know < polishes fingernails on collar >

Twinklestein · 17/11/2014 23:37

I know someone whose sister and husband ran off together, it started pretty much like this.

In internetland sometimes the ludicrous stories are true and the boring banal ones turn out to be bollocks.

Chippednailvarnish · 17/11/2014 23:39

I can't join you on your fruit themed thread AF as I need to get up soon for work Sad

slithytove · 17/11/2014 23:44

Wtf? Not a chance. And my sister would not be staying with me any longer and I would be having serious words with my husband. Would he be ok with you sleeping in bed with his dad or brother!

This is very strange.

AnyFucker · 17/11/2014 23:45

chipped, it doesn't stop me lightweight

WineWineWine · 17/11/2014 23:46

Its a bit weird, but I trust both my DH and my sister completely.

Mini05 · 17/11/2014 23:48

Get real! She wear scimpy clothes, they Flint together!!
Have you never read hus uses going off with sisters,friends!

Absolutely no way, there laughing at you

Get rid of her, let your husband have the other bed.
And all will be ok, the other way and you will loose him sister or not.
Should never happen