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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you be happy for your sister and your husband to share a bed?

147 replies

jumpinchillybean · 17/11/2014 20:05

I'm 7 months pregnant and my husband's snoring has been getting on my nerves. I also get restless and am a light sleeper because of heartburn. So, halfway through the night, I sometimes ask him to sleep on the settee .
That way, we both get some sleep.

My sister has been staying with us for a while because her flat was recently flooded, and I have just found out that she has taken pity on him and has let him into her bed on at least two occasions over the last month!
The only reason I found out, was I went down for a glass of milk a few nights ago and he was no longer on the settee.
I heard laughing and found them in bed together.
They weren't doing anything and weren't even led close to each other.
There was no jumping apart when they saw me. Or guilt that I could see.
The spare bed is a Kingsize, so there was plenty of space between them.

It seemed to be on the level, and I was so tired, I went straight back to bed and decided to ask questions in the morning.

The next morning, in the kitchen, I questioned them and according to her and him, all they've done is chat and then fall asleep and I should be okay about it, because she's my sister and I can trust her and she would never do anything to hurt me. And she said she felt sorry that she was a guest and had a bed and yet he had to sleep on the settee.
And in her words: 'She sees him as a brother anyway'. He said he looks upon her as an extra sister.

My friends (and my mother) think I'm crazy to allow this. But, she's my sister and I can trust her. Can't I? Hmm

The only thing that makes me slightly uneasy is that she dresses skimpily in front of him and is very flirty. But that is and always has been her nature. She is like it with everybody.
Still, it makes me feel a bit shit, because I feel unattractive and frumpy at the moment as it is. This is making me feel worse.
And if I'm honest, I feel a bit hurt by their attitude. The way he seems to flirts with her and the way she encourages it.
Or am I imagining it?

Is it normal for a sister to treat another sister in this way? is she just being kind in sharing her bed?
Is this being too close?
Am I being paranoid? Or is it all the fault of my hormones.
Should I be okay with it?

OP posts:
CrispyFern · 17/11/2014 21:03

I wouldn't want to share a bed with any of my BILs. Eugh, they're all great and everything, but no!
And I imagine my DH and sisters would pull the same face if they faced the same idea.

It's wrong!

Iggly · 17/11/2014 21:07

Why did your Dh say yes to sharing!?

Windywinston · 17/11/2014 21:07
Hmm
Tangoandcreditcards · 17/11/2014 21:10

This wouldn't bother me even a little bit. If (either of my) DSises ended up bunking in with DP or with me in with either of my BILs (DP's DB or DSis2's DH).

However, if YOU aren't comfortable then say so, but reading through the responses I now feel like I'm at the weird end of the spectrum.

NK5BM3 · 17/11/2014 21:11

No way! I don't have a sister but I do have a female cousin who we are v close to and no way, this wouldn't happen. Even if it was a v big bed!!

The equivalent would be for me to get into bed with my brother in law (dh's brother)..! Shock

500smiles · 17/11/2014 21:17

I trust DH and dsis completely I know that nothing would ever happen between them, I can't imagine any scenario where they would share a bed. Likewise, I love BIL, but he's like my brother, it would just feel deeply inappropriate, uncomfortable and intimate.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 17/11/2014 21:18

Why did he go to her room for spare pillows? He could have got his own from your bed surely?

VanitasVanitatum · 17/11/2014 21:22

What was your dh thinking?? Inexplicable.

Don't really know what to say about this. Even if my sister would suggest it (she wouldn't) my dp wouldn't for a second consider getting in!!!

Not sure about 'getting a spare pillow' either.. Why didn't he just take his own with him? Or use a sofa cushion?! Could he have maybe wanted to go in...?

VanitasVanitatum · 17/11/2014 21:23

X-post merry !

Twinklestein · 17/11/2014 21:32

The thought of having to bunk up with my BIL makes me feel physically nauseous. I don't even like being in the same room with him when I'm awake!

There's no way on earth that my sis would share a bed with my husband, it would just be too weird. I don't know if she finds him as hideous as I do her husband but she certainly doesn't fancy him and vice versa.

While I could trust them both, they would rather have their nails pulled, as should be the case.

All the flirting, giggling and skimpiness going on in the OP so crosses the line.

BlahBlahYeahYeah · 17/11/2014 21:36

Wow, wtf. No way op. I would be removing his balls round about now.

BastardGoDarkly · 17/11/2014 22:01

Ooooer yes, sounds spookily similar to the kardashians episode Hmm

Mrwillywonkasbitch · 17/11/2014 22:06

No way would I be ok with it! If that's how she felt why not just offer to sleep on the sofa herself

Fairenuff · 17/11/2014 22:08

Is Kim Kardashian an mner? Shock

TinyWishes · 17/11/2014 22:08

No freaking way would I allow that to continue. He would be getting stern words and she would be finding another bed elsewhere!!!!! Sister or not! Confused

chundercatsarego · 17/11/2014 22:09

No. Fucking. Way.

BlueGreenHazelGreen · 17/11/2014 22:10

they'd both rather have their nails pulled. As should be the case

twinkle Grin

Quite.

Osirus · 17/11/2014 22:12

My sister is currently living with us. There's no way they'd climb into bed together and my DP would never say yes if invited (which is more unlikely than me winning the lottery!).

wheresthebeach · 17/11/2014 22:13

The sound you hear is hell freezing over...yikes!
Good on your Mum for agreeing to take her.
Sounds like your sister is a 'spark causer'.

SolomanDaisy · 17/11/2014 22:15

My sister is pretty close to my DH and I'm pretty close to her DH. Sister and DH would go to the pub together. I can't imagine them ever sharing a bed and I wouldn't want to with my BIL. It's a bit odd.

RaisingMen · 17/11/2014 22:15

No, no, no! He gets in bed with your sister and you only found out by chance? Fuck that, get her out of your house and your husband back either sleeping with you or sleeping alone.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 17/11/2014 22:20

As a few PP's have pointed out this was a recent Kardashian episode. Nice try though, the sister wearing skimpy clothes and being flirty around the DH was a great extra touch.

jumpinchillybean · 17/11/2014 22:25

Had a long convoseration with mum on phone. I didn't want to wait untill morning, i would never have slept. She has agreed to it. I will tell sister when she gets home. Needing space to get things ready will bemyexcuse.
I don't think shewillargue, one thing in her favor she is really easy going . a bit to easy !!
DH agrees it is for the best she is not here.

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 17/11/2014 22:25

I trust them line... well, I trust my husband and sister, but them sharing a bed would make me lose that trust. I trust but not I am not naive enough to think trusting people will mean they won't ever cheat, considering the divorce courts are full of people divorcing over cheating who trusted their partners before it happened.

akennyg · 17/11/2014 22:25

Does that mean this isn't true?! Hmm

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