Struggling with his ED

[instantflop]

Its a new ish relationship of about 6 months.

The first few times he had had a tiny bit of viagra, so i was none the wiser to the situation, then, when it became obvious there was a problem, he told me that he has a ' few issues' with it, but that if i was patient it would all sort its self out and would be ok.

I thought it sort of got better for a while, But if anything now we are going backwards.

He is very reserved in bed, its either missionary, while he can hold it, maybe 2 or 3 minutes, which does nothing for me at all and he just looks pained, or, me on top, bouncing on something semi flacid.

He has never orgasamed through sex, he can through oral, but again, his penis is in a semi flacid state and not hard enough for intercourse.

Ive tried to spice things up with various things, stockings, oil, handcuffs, toys. He isnt interested, says he doesnt know what to do, or just says ' thats nice'.

He cant do any other position as he loses it before he is in.

I like this guy, and, all things other than this are good, but my self esteem is starting to take a battering and im so frustrated. I brought it up friday, for the first time, and said that i was feeling frustrated and asked what we could do. He just said that i know he has issues.
I know he wanks daily, sometimes twice a day, and i know he is reluctant to take viagra, and it sort of feels like im not allowed any pleasure.

I was wondering if anyone had any experience of this sort of thing, or if they had any advice.

[instantflop]

Well, thats my thought process the last few days when hes come out with some things.

This whole ' flying under the radar being the aim' thing. He told me he likes to walk fast, at the side of the pavement, head down, to get to where he is going as quick as possible without being seen.

So fucking odd.

Apparently he came up with this plan with his aspie friend when they were 14 and its its aim in life to go unoticed.

wtf?

[pompodd]

instantflop - We get it! He's weird! Well done on dumping him!

I just don't really understand how your OP could say all was good apart from the sex given every post you have since sent suggests he is a fruit loop of the very highest order (and you apparently have only just realised this).

So whilst I reckon it's good you got rid of this loser, I'd take some time before jumping into a relationship again.

[instantflop]

I might have lied about things being good to get an unbias view on the ed thing.

I had literally been saying to a friend last week that I thought I was going to have to dump him.

I haven't only just realised, it's a gradual thing, same as any thing when you get to know someone. They don't present all this info to you when you first meet.

I didn't jump into this and I won't jump into anything. I had been single for coming up to 6 years before this, so it's not a problem to be back there.

[Granville72]

Well done for dumping him.

He sounds like he has serious issues, but unfortunately he will happily go along in his own little world and never address them.

[pompodd]

Ok, sorry, I wasn't criticising, I just didn't understand. If you were lying to get an unbiased view then that explains it.

[KeepAbreast]

This has made quite uncomfortable reading for me as my relationship is similar in many ways. My DP doesnt have ED but he wanks daily, often more than once, and uses porn. Which wouldnt be a problem if it werent for the fact that we rarely have sex, and when we do its over very quickly. He wouldnt bother with foreplay if I didnt (most of the time) insist on it, he wouldnt even bother having sex if I was happy to just wank him off. Sometimes I feel like he almost tricks me into it, he'll get me excited and then wants me to finish him off by hand and then its all over. I have also dressed up for him, bought accessories, got into bed naked etc and got no reaction.

Sorry I seem to have hijacked your thread! I dont know what my advice would be but you're absolutely right to expect some kind of reaction and attention, even if he does have erection probems.

[instantflop]

I wanted an unbias view. In the interest of being totally honest, it's only been 4 months as well. Not 6.

[pompodd]

Wow, surprised you lasted that long.

The stuff with your daughter and the custard is just baffling too.

[instantflop]

Keep- sorry to hear that. How long have you been together? Can you just leave?

Fri was awful. Bit of kissing. He checked to see I was good to go, then jumped on. That was it. 2 mins later he was off as he had both lost it and run out of steam. He laid on his back, clear he wasn't going to do anything else.

I gave him oral but nothing happened, it got a bit embarrassing so I asked if he wanted to stop for a minute.
And then that was that.

I tried a few other things to re start suff but couldn't raise any interest at all..
Pretty pointless and demoralising.

[instantflop]

Oh.he had said many times he wouldn't take a whole one.

Too risky apparently. .

[Granville72]

You're well rid lovely. Do not go back for a four go, cut your losses and find a genuine interested man who's firing on all cylinders

[instantflop]

They are in very thin supply.
I shall probably just leave it. Get more pets or something :)

[Granville72]

The best ones often come along when you're least expecting it and not even looking.

Keep us updated if he comes back with a reply or excuse

[Windywinston]

KeepAbreast how long have you been together? Any DCs?

Wanking isn't a crime, everyone does it when sex is in short supply, but when it's at the expense of a real sex life, you've got a problem. As for the porn, bleurgh, but if your ok with it, that's your choice, but again when it's at the expense of a real sex life you've got a big problem. I suspect his inability to see that sex is about mutual pleasure, not just his own, comes from his use of porn. Porn is rarely about pleasuring a woman, which can warp a person's view about what real sex should be. Ask him if he wants to be seen as the ex who was shit in the sack. If he doesn't, he needs to go cold turkey on the porn and wanking and step up.

Alternatively, sack him off for being a selfish, misogynistic arsehole, and find yourself someone who actually wants to pleasure you.

[Zucker]

Wow he's an odd one alright. The wanting to fly under the radar is worrying though. What's he up to that he would want that and who's radar is he trying to fly under!

Has he replied to you dumping him yet?

Please let this be the last time you dump him.

[instantflop]

he has seen the dumping message at lunch and hasnt replied. He finished work now, but i think maybe he wont reply.

I think he is trying to fly under everyones radar. i dont know, i dont really understand.

[instantflop]

he had replied. said he is sorry, that he has issues with sex and that he wont ever be ableto be any better than he is now.
I said about the viagra and he went on a rant about how he cant take it all the time and that it makes him panic and that its likely to kill him and how dare i ask that of him

which sort of proves the point.

He also said that new people and places terrify him, but i did say that he doesnt seem to have the same problems when he is going out drinking.

his reaction to crossness cements this was the right decison.

[Dirtybadger]

Well done on dumping him OP.

Before I read all the posts I was going to suggest a herbal remedy or something. I don't believe in most of it but before sildenafil (Viagra) as taken off patent they were quite popular for those with ED for psychological reasons. Now everyone just fills their boots with the generic sildenafil.
Problem is the placebo effect would be more likely to take place if he wanted it to. Sounds like he had no interest in you.

You are well rid.

Good luck enjoying some single time and any future...I want to say Mr Instantflops but that's not what you want. you'll be beating them off in the stockings

[instantflop]

he is now going on the guilt tact saying he guesses why this is why everyone leaves him. Two of his 4 previous ex's have cheated on him with close friends.

ive told him its not fair to try to guilt me into anything. He has conseeded that he might agree to take it very very occassionally. But ive told him thats not fair and i now know how he feels about it and that i dont want to do that with someone who does it so begrudingly.

[RudePepper]

Don't get into debate with him OP - just say your goodbyes. His hand is going to see a lot of action.

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

Seriously? You need to be clear with him that it's not the ED, it's the attitude. If he took Viagra he'd get hard but it wouldn't turn him into a generous, I tested and passionate lover would it?

[LineRunner]

Don't debate.

He's not going to get a personality transplant. He doesn't fulfil your emotional needs. Let it go.

And good luck next time round - learn from this and move on.

[RudePepper]

^^ taking viagra isn't going to clean the bathroom, interact with your friends and family or stop him have other emotional issues. Don't blame the sex - it makes you look unkind, and the reality is that it was a bunch of things. I still struggle to understand what you saw in this man? Is he good looking? What was the attraction and how did you meet him?