Struggling with his ED

[instantflop]

Its a new ish relationship of about 6 months.

The first few times he had had a tiny bit of viagra, so i was none the wiser to the situation, then, when it became obvious there was a problem, he told me that he has a ' few issues' with it, but that if i was patient it would all sort its self out and would be ok.

I thought it sort of got better for a while, But if anything now we are going backwards.

He is very reserved in bed, its either missionary, while he can hold it, maybe 2 or 3 minutes, which does nothing for me at all and he just looks pained, or, me on top, bouncing on something semi flacid.

He has never orgasamed through sex, he can through oral, but again, his penis is in a semi flacid state and not hard enough for intercourse.

Ive tried to spice things up with various things, stockings, oil, handcuffs, toys. He isnt interested, says he doesnt know what to do, or just says ' thats nice'.

He cant do any other position as he loses it before he is in.

I like this guy, and, all things other than this are good, but my self esteem is starting to take a battering and im so frustrated. I brought it up friday, for the first time, and said that i was feeling frustrated and asked what we could do. He just said that i know he has issues.
I know he wanks daily, sometimes twice a day, and i know he is reluctant to take viagra, and it sort of feels like im not allowed any pleasure.

I was wondering if anyone had any experience of this sort of thing, or if they had any advice.

[NerdyBird]

I would give him a call, say that the relationship doesn't appear to be working for either of you so it's best if you go your separate ways. Then turn your phone off or on silent and treat yourself to something nice. He doesn't seem to have much regard for you so although breaking up in person is meant to be the right thing to do I wouldn't bother here.

[punygod]

Is he gay?

Either way, he isn't enhancing your life in any way, shape or form.

Move on. There's someone better out there - in fact, being happy on your own would be better than this.

[HotDogJumpingFrogAlburquerque]

You are literally nagging all of the allowances and compromises in this relationship. Why are you doing this to yourself? Honestly, it's no wonder your self-esteem is taking such a battering.

You don't owe him anything, why do you feel you do? Sunk cost fallacy?

[SnoogyWoo]

As a man myself, if I was polishing my trumpet twice a day there is no way I would be up for sex later on, it just wouldn't happen. Ejaculating wouldn't happen either as I would be pretty much spent, there isn't an endless supply so to speak.

Secondly, he clearly has issues with various things so you have a physical and mental problem going on.

Run for the hills is what I suggest.

[instantflop]

Done. Sent his a long text, just said itsreally obvious we want different things, gave examples and then said that its better to end things now rather than end up resenting each other.

I had been happy on my own for a lot of years, so its not something im not used to if that makes sense.

[Lovingfreedom]

Do what Nerdybird recommended then treat yourself a caramel latte to celebrate.

[ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets]

Well done! Cake to celebrate?

[HotDogJumpingFrogAlburquerque]

Nagging= making

[HotDogJumpingFrogAlburquerque]

Sorry, so slow to fix typo!

[instantflop]

I was making all the allowances, other than the fact that i have a dog,which he doesnt really like, too smelly and cumbersome apparently. and i have a child which means limited free time, but he says that suits him as he needs his time to himself.

I dont think he actually wants a proper relationship with anyone, and he is quite happy with his own little world of work, pub, game and bed.

[Joysmum]

I don't blame you, ED is one thing, but from what you've subsequently written he won't make an effort or meet you halfway on anything.

ED is the least of his issues as he sounds very self absorbed and selfish.

[23kissesx]

If he's happy to be in his own little world, leave him there. He has issues and honestly, it's not for you to solve them. He'll struggle to form any meaningful relationships with that kind of attitude and behaviour. You're a better woman than I am to have even stayed this long

[instantflop]

I have dumped him twice already and come close a third time.

He just says he loves me and that he wasn't aware it was an issue or had just gone into his own world and forgot.

We both had a rare childfree Sunday a month or so ago. He was hungover from a night out with his friends but I said did he want to come over for a roast dinner later. He turned it down saying he didn't want to leave the house. Turns out he was gaming then went to the pub again. I went mental at him and he said he forgot he missed me as he was caught up in his own world and that ge would make more effort.

Hasn't really happened.

[HotDogJumpingFrogAlburquerque]

I have dumped him twice already and come close a third time.

Well this says a lot!

Honestly OP, it sounds like he just wants to go to the pub, do his gaming, wank and live in a hovel, but likes the idea of being able to say he has a girlfriend but isn't remotely interested in having to do anything to maintain the relationship, have it develop, or take the other person into consideration AT ALL!

You are so much better than this, why don't you feel that you are?

[Standinginline]

Whilst the fact he's wanking twice a day has something to do with it, could there maybe be something else?
Could he be gay?
I know it's jumping the gun a bit but in my experience even if a guy can't maintain an erection he'll still feel horny. Partner and I have had the same issue, hasn't been able to keep himself hard BUT has definitely been into it. So, the fact you were wearing stockings should've stirred some kind of arousal from him even if it wasn't going to end in sex.

It's just a thought, that's all.

[RudePepper]

Well done OP, he sounds truly awful. I can't see a single positive for you in this.

[instantflop]

I did wonder if he might be gay, i dont think he is, i think he just isnt interested in sex. All of his past relationships have been quite a-sexual. Im at the other end of the scale to that.

I was very hurt over the stockings, and found it really hard that he didnt react at all, not even a tiny bit.

there isnt a positive in this, which is why i have dumped him and yes, i do think that i am worth more, again, this is why i have dumped him.

[Joysmum]

The more you post, the more selfish and self absorbed he's coming across as. Thank god he has ED otherwise I fear it'd have taken you far longer to see that!

[Blackcurrentapple]

I have posted very similar probs here only a few weeks ago!

My partner to has been having probs with ED but ours seemed to have been since I got pregnant unplanned and he would have sex with me! Since baby arrived he has not been able to get a erection, but he to has no problems with wanking!

I didn't think about it before but my partner hardly ever shares a bed with me either he sleeps on sofa and if we do share a bed then he uses a separate single quilt cover tucked around him!

I'm honestly can't give any advice because I don't know how to fix my own problems but for me I'm thinking my relationship is prob already well over and has been since I got pregnant!

[instantflop]

It wouldnt have done, like i said, ive dumped him twice already.

The ED is just a general symptom of him not putting in any effort in anything.
And, if anyone says anything, they are mean as that is how he is.

It was over when i said that i felt frustrated and he said ' you know ive always had issues'

because that just shut it down and was trying to put the blame on me. Yes, i do know he has issues, but he told me it would get better and he would do x and x to help. Not once has he popped a viagra for me. And hes not thinking about how it makes me feel either. Ive been patient as well. And its just that pretty much the whole relationship is like that.

[instantflop]

The not sharing a bed thing is odd. I hope you manage to sort out your problems.

The lack of joining in social stuff is also annoying, again, he says he isnt good with new people and it takes him ages to even be able to talk. Yet, he has no issue going to the pub, or working in retail or anything like that.
He wont buy clothes in case they make him stand out and all of a sudden, or, maybe ive just noticed it, he keeps going on about things not being too ' statementy' as he just wants to fly under the radar, unoticed. So odd. I was running him back from taking him shopping, and didn thave time to get to his so said i had to get DD from school first, he refused to come with me into the playground on the basis that people would look at him and its not under the radar enough

I dont understand and cant be with someone who is so damn odd.

[pompodd]

You've clearly done the right thing here. I am a man and each of your subsequent posts made it more and more clear why a relationship with this bloke was a waste of time. He sounds like a complete knob.

But...re-read your OP - "I like this guy, and, all things other than this are good"...what on earth did you mean by that?! It feels like you needed posts from strangers on an internet forum during the course of a morning to change your position from - "I like this guy and other than the sex things are good" to "I've dumped him by text. There isn't a positive in this!".

I don't know anything about you, but surprised it took you as long as it did to bin him and realise you are worth much better.

[instantflop]

I guess i was thinking that it was just the sex, but it isnt at all, the sex is a symptom of the whole thing really.

[instantflop]

This is going to sound nuts.
but

DD asked him why he was crunching one day, when he was eating custard. He was literally chewing hard, on custard. There is nothing to chew?

so, he says its how he eats as he is used to chewing up veg.

If he isnt able to change the way he eats depending on what he is eating, then there isnt much chance he is going to be able to change his behavior to be more accommodating to another person, and not just girlfriends.

[ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets]

He's gone from being a loser to a complete weirdo.

I think you'll probably find yourself questioning a lot of his habits and analysing things he's said. And it'll only reaffirm that you've done the right thing.