Struggling with his ED

[instantflop]

Its a new ish relationship of about 6 months.

The first few times he had had a tiny bit of viagra, so i was none the wiser to the situation, then, when it became obvious there was a problem, he told me that he has a ' few issues' with it, but that if i was patient it would all sort its self out and would be ok.

I thought it sort of got better for a while, But if anything now we are going backwards.

He is very reserved in bed, its either missionary, while he can hold it, maybe 2 or 3 minutes, which does nothing for me at all and he just looks pained, or, me on top, bouncing on something semi flacid.

He has never orgasamed through sex, he can through oral, but again, his penis is in a semi flacid state and not hard enough for intercourse.

Ive tried to spice things up with various things, stockings, oil, handcuffs, toys. He isnt interested, says he doesnt know what to do, or just says ' thats nice'.

He cant do any other position as he loses it before he is in.

I like this guy, and, all things other than this are good, but my self esteem is starting to take a battering and im so frustrated. I brought it up friday, for the first time, and said that i was feeling frustrated and asked what we could do. He just said that i know he has issues.
I know he wanks daily, sometimes twice a day, and i know he is reluctant to take viagra, and it sort of feels like im not allowed any pleasure.

I was wondering if anyone had any experience of this sort of thing, or if they had any advice.

If you can see he's not interested why not leave?

Is his tongue working ok ?
It must make for a sorry spectacle, him furiously tugging on his lifeless manhood twice a day. Not sure I would bother.

23kisses, yeah, i suspect something similar to be honest. He told me once he wanked 13 times in one day, just to see what would happen. He had one girlfriend when he was 19, and then nothing again till he was 26.
He is now 34 and had been single for 2 years when we met.

Its only 6 months in, i was happy to be understanding when he told me it would just take time, but it feels like we have been together years and its gone stale already. He doesnt do flirting, innuendo. Nothing.

Added to that, he drinks quite a lot. Games a lot, doesnt clean his flat, as in hadnt cleaned the bathroom for over a year as he said he has no time... but finds time to go to the pub and to game for hours. He doesnt seem to do anything else other than those things. Any plans we have are ones i organise.

You can't fix this. Walk away.

And you're with this guy why???

He sounds like a knob.

OMG, the mystery here is not why he can't get it up, but why you think that a heavy drinking, demotivated gamer, who hasn't cleaned his bathroom for a year (!) who prefers wanking to having sex with you is a suitable partner! Sorry to be blunt, but having written it down, doesn't the course of action seem fairly obvious? If he were really amazing in every other way and totally committed to fixing your sex life so everyone is satisfied, it would be different, but he's not. I really think you should move on.

There isnt any long term relationship potential. I have mentioned about him trying, but he said ' maybe sometime'

We have plans together for xmas day with my family, i said to him that i was assuming he was going to stay xmas day night to boxing day, and his face fell and he said ' erm, i supose i can do' and i sort of think, that, i am being nice by sharing that day with him as he has no family, and yet he doesnt even want to sleep over?

His tongue is working fine, not that that has happened for months.

he isnt, is he.

If he won't make an effort now imagine five years from now?

The can't sleep in a bed with anyone bit is ringing alarm bells for me. There's something not right here, move on.

5 years from now wouldnt be any different as he still wouldnt be able to even sleep in a bed with me.

I have asked how he has managed with previous girlfriends. One he said was very tiny, and the bed was very big, so it was ok. One they just didnt stay over as they lived really close ( i think thats just really weird) One, again, didnt happen very often, but they used to fight about it. He said he had councelling about not being able to sleep, but was told things like a cold room, no screen time, but wasnt able to put them into practice with his ex. he didnt live with her either. I have stayed at his once, thought it would be ok as it was his enviroment, but no. He didnt sleep as i was making breathing noises.

Well if he's hard in the morning and can manage a wank twice a day, his problem is not physical. Crikey, I wonder how some people find the time! 13 times in one day - that's not normal surely?

I don't want to go into a tirade against porn (again) but he sounds as if he's addicted to wanking to the extent that sex no longer interests him. A man who wanks a lot for a prolonged period can become incredibly desensitised because he's accustomed to the death grip (you can google it). This is becoming an increasingly common problem because of the increased availability and use of porn, though it doesn't necessarily mean he does use porn iyswim.

I wouldn't be surprised if he is a frequent user of porn though.

If you want a good sex life, either he has to face the problem, stop wanking completely and engage in sex. If he doesn't do this for you, he obviously cares more about his hand than your pleasure, so sack him off and find someone who can push your buttons.

You can't fix this. You can't fix him.
The only person who can make this better is your partner. You've told him what you need, and he's told you in no uncertain terms that he can't/won't do it for you.
The wanking/bed sleeping/cleaning etc is all superfluous to the fact that he is not prepared to try and make it better. Time to cut your losses.

So you are just someone who he spends time with when he is bored of the pub and gaming. And he can stay in your nice clean spare room and your family will entertain him for Christmas.

I wonder what you get from this relationship, except for rejection. And I also wonder why you think this is all you deserve? This man has so many red flags he could make bunting which needs its own bandstand and a brass band playing. I can only presume you have been treated appallingly in the past and you think this is a normal relationship?

He came along to a family event the other day, bit under duress, everyone said they wasnt sure if he enjoyed it or not. He said he just takes a while with new people, even though he has met them all about 5 or so times.
We are going out for a family meal this friday, which he said he doesnt want to come to, and sort of mocked it. We have a friends and family evening at work next week which he could also come to, but he said he doesnt want to.

Writing it down like that, its really like he isnt interested in any part of being in a relationship.

Fucking hell he sounds like a catch.

You don't have sex
He won't sleep in your bed
He hasn't cleaned his bathroom in a year
He can't even pretend to enjoy a family event for a few hours

I can guarantee you that people are talking about you wondering why you are wasting your time with this loser.

Dump him, move on ( it won't take long, it's not even really a relationship) and find someone you can swing from the chandeliers with!

No, i dont think its normal at all, i think its all quite odd.

In the beginning we went out quite a lot, and it was nice to have someone to do things with after being on my own for a long time. It was fun. I was promised the sex would get better.

Now we dont go out at all, there is no sex and he has no interest in anything much at all.

The going to the pub/ gaming didnt bother me to start with, as you have only just met, and i have my own things to do. But there have been a few times where i have had a go at him as he has chosen gaming over coming over to spend time with me. Or has said he is busy on hmy childfree time, and he has gone off to the pub with people he does that regulary with.

with christmas, he said he will be going out getting hammered with his mates xmas eve. I said i didnt think it was fair that he was very hungover xmas day when my mum will have gone to all that trouble, and he said it will be ok he will just start drinking again. None of family are big drinkers, so, if he is the only one sat there with a massive hangover and then drinking to excess, its just going to be embarassing.

i need to dump him.

He sounds about 15, and that generous.

Good to see you've seen the light!

He needs to stop wanking, see a doctor and consider taking viagra.

If he won't attempt to sort the problem then move on

Why are you even bothering?

'I need to dump him' - yup, you got it! This isn't a road you want to keep travelling along, is it - from what you've said, won't you just feel an almighty sense of relief?

I dont know.

Last monday he was working when it was my day off. So, he came over after his early finish. he ate the dinner i cooked, came with me when i dropped DD off at a club, though he did ask if he could just stay at home. We got home, had a quickie, picked DD up ( at 8:15) he wasnt working the next day and i did say to him was he coming back to spend the evening with me, or did he want to go home, and he picked going home as he was tired.

The i saw him friday, i went to his, he cooked for the first time. We watched a film, 3 mins of sex, and i left at 10pm.

Thats been it for the last week.

I had said about seeing him today, but im going to cancel as im full of cold anyway. Next time i would see him would be friday when we are both off. As i said he was invited to dinner/ cinema with the rest of the family ( after picking DD up from school) but he said he wasnt interested. You might think he might as he might want to see me.

I feel like a bit of an idiot when its all written down like that.

You're not an idiot. I'm guessing your a single mum and it's hard to meet decent guys . You thought this one might be ok but turns out he's a bit of a waste of space

You wanted to give him a chance and you've done that but now you've realised you need to dump him . You will be smarter next time .

Don't feel like an idiot, just learn from your mistakes and move on.

He's making it VERY CLEAR that he is not interested in you, spending any time with you or doing anything to enhance your sex life.

He's not interested. Hell he doesn't even sound like he can be bothered with himself let alone anyone else.

Personally, I'd end it now, today. You are worthy of much more than this and don't let him drag you down any further, and certainly don't feel sorry for him at Christmas if he has no one to spend it with. Not your problem love.

Sorry to be so blunt, but you'll feel so much better once it is over. It will be a big relief. xx