Sockgate - What would you make of this?

[pinkandpurplebottle]

I recently got back together with my boyfriend, whom I had been dating for about 6 months. We split up about a month ago but decided to give it another go last week.

We have just spent the weekend together. Had a lovely day on Saturday, but by the afternoon I was absolutely shattered having had a very busy and stressful week so decided to have a nap. He was very nice, let me rest and cooked me a nice meal in the evening. I had also been a bit tearful, as had a terrible week at work, lots of stress and I think it all came to the surface in the evening.

Anyway, he popped out to the shops to get some stuff for his meal. I got out of bed and realised I didn't bring a spare pair of socks so went into his sock drawer and put on a pair of his. Later on, when we were sat on the sofa, he noticed that I was wearing his socks. He points it out and tells me to take them off and give them back to him. I just sort of laugh it off but it turns out he was serious. He then gets very huffy about it. I said to him that I didn't realise they were meaningful to him and that I didn't take them off because I thought he was joking when he told me he was upset about me wearing them. I told him that if it was the other way around, i.e. him borrowing a pair of my socks at my house I wouldn't be bothered so that is why I didn't see it as a problem (also he wasn't in to ask at the time). He then says that it touched a nerve with him because he has lost several nice items of clothing to girlfriends who have 'borrowed' things in the past like nice jumpers etc who never gave them back. He said that I was being unreasonable because he had made me dinner and had looked after me all afternoon because I was feeling down and I can't reciprocate by listening to his feelings. When we got to bed he was huffing and puffing about it. I told him I was sorry and could we just leave it. He said things like 'This is the reason why it's not working out between us' and 'I've been a fool' (meaning about us getting back together). I was so tired, I just wanted to get to sleep but he kept wanting us 'talk it out', I felt there wasn't really anything to talk about.

This morning started off as being abit awkward. We managed to make up later but, I don't know, it just seems so petty! I also don't like the idea that I'm not allowed to borrow stuff, it made me feel like a thief or I didn't mean anything to him. I also don't like that he would through in stuff about whether we should be together.

What is going on here? Would other people go all funny about a boyfriend/girlfriend borrowing an item of clothing without asking?

Throughout our relationship so far, there has been a pattern of things going really well only for it to turn upside down by something like this. It would go great for a while then something stupid would happen and it would all be shit and I'd be rethinking the whole thing. We would then make up and it would be great again only for it to go downhill again soon after.

These stupid things that would happen, that would make you rethink it all, then you'd make up - are they things that he would instigate, things that you put down to his quirks and foibles, or was it 50/50 in terms of who was at fault/got annoyed by the other/who was telling the other what to do?

For example, was it often the case that you'd do something normal/innocuous/slightly annoying to some, and he'd get cross about it? Or sometimes did you get really angry with him for not putting down the loo seat, for example? How often did something happen whereby you'd think 'well that wouldn't have upset me if it were the other way around?' Or 'I think most people would agree with me on this one?'

I think you are worth better than this man. I am a lonely person but I would rather be alone with an intact sense of self esteem and security and self confidence, than be with someone who made me doubt myself. And I think he makes you doubt yourself. And that is too high a price to pay for not being lonely imo.

I have only told one of my friends that we have got back together and tbh she was quite horrified and worried for me as I had told her about the stuff that had gone on before. I haven't told my best friend yet because I know she will be the same. None of my friends like him, they think he has some sort of personality disorder.

He has shown a lot of signs of weird controlling behaviour, from not liking me going out without him to disagreeing about whether I should sleep with a cover on (this was during the summer)

Please, please, please listen to your friends.

He is not weird because he's been on the shelf, he's on the shelf because he's weird.

The last thing any single mother needs is a bf with significant mental health problems. I understand your desire to share your life, but please, not with a nutjob.

I wager that the 'stupid things' that happened were not external events but this man's behaviour and reactions.