dating 83

[jesy]

Can I start us ???'

No , just happens to be walking dog past where they work at shift end lol

I had a chance meeting with Major Tom. I was on date with another man, who called me a milf but that's a whole different thread. Was it fate I wondered, weird because I chatted to him online in the summer but for some reason I blocked him. He hasn't mentioned that I blocked him just that he feels privileged to get the chance to meet me again.

Welcome Searching. Hope your first date goes well

I'm in a bit of headfuck atm. After my date cancelled on Friday night I was at a bit of a low ebb and ended up hooking up with my ex-bf. I've only been back in touch with him recently after a year of NC. We still love each other but we can't be together - he lives with his girlfriend and kids...

I know, I know, I'm an evil horrible bitch. It was a moment of weakness and I feel bad because I don't regret it. I'm so fed up of doing the right thing and having morals when everyone else seems to just do what they want (I know this isn't true btw, it just feels like it).

But mostly I'm wondering whether I will ever, EVER get him out from under my skin and move on. Everyone I meet I compare to him - even though he was a disaster of a boyfriend - there was just this indefinable something between us that I can't explain.

This^^ is complete BS btw. I am wracked with guilt and regret, and I don't think feeling low because my date cancelled on me was any excuse. Feel free to chuck shit at me though, because I deserve it.

gotta if that were me I'd be getting the spidey senses, it sounds a bit like overkill to me... and it also sounds like in a sense if he's insecure and wants a stunning woman well why does he need to overstate it?? but that's me.

juju really you need to get your ex out of your head and out of your bed.

Its the no.1 crime here - holding onto someone, thinking the chemistry is so good that nothing can beat it, sadly in my experience the chemistry blinds you to the bad parts!

I had chemistry with this financial person (Paul) - too much, and it was only when I texted him in a fit of madness that I'd cheated on him (we were on a break!) and something else nasty that I thought after that, I can't contact you again (like I did before) as if he replies I will think what a mug and it just gives me a reason to treat him like shit.

Kent Lad - chemistry there too, too much etc but I know that I'm too good for him and he will never ever change. Also I'd be stuck in that pattern of "so will you change ever?!" and of course with men like these (40-something tend to be harder at committing etc) they won't.

I should have known with Paul that when he told me on our 1st date that his friends told him he'd be "the last person in his group of friends to get married" that that showed commitment issues, plus his parents' acrimonious divorce which really affected him (he talked about it a lot).

super my senses are not making me feel anxious but I will be very careful with my feelings, no amount of flattery is going to win me over. Actions speak louder than words, that and sexual chemistry ;)

These men with commitment issues are missing out and will end up too old to be appealing.
juju Having sex with my ex did cross my mind but it wouldn't be worth the complications.

To be honest I don't think it's always about commitment issues, immaturity, being scared or whatever.

Male friends and collegues of mine that are 40+ years of age who really want commitment tend to be the ones that have lived for years with a woman, then split up/divorced and are now on their own living at their mum's or a friend's settee and are lonely. Anyone (man or woman) who has spent a great deal of time living fairly happily on their own with their independence is not necessarily going to want to gamble it all away to start living with someone; it's a big choice to make in life when you've already created a life for yourself.

Single people with lives, homes, cars, jobs aren't always just waiting around keeping busy until they meet 'the right person' and it's not always a temporary disposable way of life until getting married.

Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton have got the right idea if it's true; apparently they are married but live next door to each other.

MadeMan but why then if you're independent do you want to meet someone?

In fact Kent Lad had it spot on when he met me he wanted to meet "someone who lived in London who he could stay with during the week" as a girlfriend you understand... of course I ignored that part...

I have heard that about carter and burton, love the idea. I actually love not having to share my bed, I sleep so much better alone.
I am always sensitive to men who find themselves living back at home with parents or friends. My ex was is in that situation but was not bitter because it benefited the children.I felt bad that he had to move out, I don't dismiss dates because they are in that situation.
If I was to ever live with someone again i know I would find it hard to adjust because I have got use to doing it all my way.
But if your mad about someone and it feels right then commitment shouldn't be a continuous reason to keep someone at arms length.
But I do like the idea of living next door to a partner but would like to share a sofa and movie.

It's funny you should mention the L word, because that's basically what I am - fucking lonely. I wanted to spend a night with someone who knows me, and cares about me, and asks me about my life, and makes me laugh, and not wake up alone for once. Tragic eh.

Doesn't help that Christmas is looming and as much as I dearly love my family, and I'm looking forward to spending time with them, I so much want some love from someone who isn't related to me!! Double tragic.

gotta interesting comments!

MadeMan - very interesting what you say. for example my view point is I go into a relationship thinking:-

a) Meet man, end up living with him probably

the 2 I've met in the past have been:-

a) not likely to marry before at least 50...
b) wants commitment but on his terms and preferably not living with someone.

so what do you suggest I do in the future? spell it out to them, what I want etc? or let it happen organically?!

"so what do you suggest I do in the future? spell it out to them, what I want etc? or let it happen organically?!"

Well, perhaps not straight away, but it will probably be something that you'll talk about at some time or other if you like someone.

My points were mainly to say that for single people (including single mums/dads) it's not simply a case of saying, "Right, I've found someone at last so now I can sell my flat, take my video games down to the church jumble, but I'll hang on to my bed and throw hers out because this one is better." If you both have homes then who gives up what; you can't have two big tellys in the front room and two cookers in the kitchen or can you?.

As gotta says, it's nice to cuddle up on the sofa and watch a film with someone and if you really, really like somebody then you'll both hopefully sort something out that works for you together; regardless of anyone having to sacrifice their previous way of life. I do think though that if people want to be together then they will be prepared to do whatever it takes to makes things work for themselves and each other; it might just be a bit trickier than if we didn't already have lives and were just starting out fresh from our parent's house.

I remember leaving my parents home 19 yr old to live with my exh, literally only had one box and bag of clothes. Now a big 3 bed house full to the brim. :)

"Now a big 3 bed house full to the brim. "

Ahh yes, but would you dump it all in a skip for a chance at true love?

That's a very good point, Made. I think perhaps we have all been guilty of wanting a relationship but only on our own terms. Or we go looking for something specific, rather than being genuinely open to somebody new. It is very difficult when you've been in a long term relationship to accept that when/if you do meet someone new they're not going to just slot in and fill the gap left by your former partner. I guess if we get to that 'being open' point and we coincide with someone else in the same state of mind then it will happen, but that feels like the impossible dream at the moment!!

How do ppl get back from dates , ie bus taxi

Am I being daft about rejecting offer of a taxi fare being paid

That's a tough one made, I haven't given it much thought. Not sure I will even meet anyone or get to that point.
Kind of like having control of the TV remote. With children involved its even trickier.

jesy I always pay for my taxi but only because no man offered. I think its thoughtful to offer and if you really don't have the money you could accept. If your going him alone then there's no strings attached.

Semi arranged a date and he said he'd pay for a taxi home but I'm not sure . Dont normally do first dates at night

I always drive on a first date , therefore I can only have one alcoholic drink , and can make a quick getaway if needed. I don't have buses that run at night where I am... and taxi's are extortionate money.

I pressed post too quickly... The only problem with the guy paying for the taxi if you have no money is that you can not leave early if you don't like or get on with him

broken - rubbish isn't it? Just trying to keep the chin up is exhausting some days!

Jesy I think Dippin is making a good point there - I'm sure his intentions are good but you do need to be in a position to leave at a time of your choosing. It's really nice of him to offer though. Have you talked on the phone, got any vibes off the situation yet?

I always take back up cash even if I can't afford it ,I'm not brave enough to go