Shall I tell this woman that the man she is seeing has been seeing me since December?

[OJLemonade]

Just realised I've been cheated on and wondering if I should tell her (via Facebook) that I exist, for her own sake but mostly if I'm honest as revenge (I've seen on her fb that she has been loved up since July - the man and I were on holidays for two weeks in August...)

I'm shell shocked... And v tempted... Would you?

Mini, I told him last week what he meant to me. In a very clumsy way, over two days, which I felt irritated him. I felt I was getting mixed responses from him, he said he was looking forward to talking about where we are going, but I still have suspicions, and I'm scared he'll say he's changed his mind, and, as this thread shows, I don't trust him anyway. Which is why I want it to end before he comes. I hope I'm doing the right thing.
Mini, he talked of moving in, I said nothing, and he dropped it. Knowing him as I know him, I swear he would not have taken my not saying anything for a no if he had been keen. Or maybe I was an idiot.

From what you have said he has made you feel that he might reject you if you are honest and you believe he is a commitment-phobe. He probably has given mixed signals and you have too because you feel on the back foot second guessing what is going on?

Can I ask, have you had long relationships, or been married and did you have this sort of issue before? If you have had other relationships where being honest wasn't a problem, then it is to do with the dynamic with this man. Now, that could be because you both communicate differently and you are incompatible, or it could be that he is indeed making you question yourself all the time, to the point that you fear rejection, and he is just one of those men that likes keeping women guessing and doubting themselves, if its the latter, then you will always be anxious.

Yes, I had a very long term relationship and although I was also very cautious and paranoid at first, it wasn't long before I trusted him, mainly because his actions backed his words (he was very keen to introduce me to his friends, for instance, whereas this man has told no one about me. I met my ex's family quite soon too.)

The only question is whether I would get too hurt carrying on seeing a man who is scared of commitment... Knowing that the moment I show I like him, he'll go cold, but he'll also use me not showing I like him to tell himself it's my fault he's interested in others. Mh.

So you know the problem with communication is not yours, this dynamic is created by him. And yes of course he wants you to feel you cant ask for more and actions don't match with words. Its typical behaviour of the commitment - phone. They need you to say you want them so they can assure themselves that women want them. They then back off through fear of having to reciprocate those feelings. You cant win, once the waters are this muddy you cant navigate a way forward.

Ditch this man.

Book some sessions with a therapist, you need to speak to a professional because you are not thinking clearly, logically or in a healthy way.

Good luck going forward.