Shall I tell this woman that the man she is seeing has been seeing me since December?

[OJLemonade]

Just realised I've been cheated on and wondering if I should tell her (via Facebook) that I exist, for her own sake but mostly if I'm honest as revenge (I've seen on her fb that she has been loved up since July - the man and I were on holidays for two weeks in August...)

I'm shell shocked... And v tempted... Would you?

It's as strange as a strange thing

Stranger than that even...

"Searchers for horror haunt strange far places" HP Lovecraft, now he did say some really strange things.

HP Lovecraft autocorrects to GO Hovercraft.

haha do we have any quotes from him

Well what can i say - I'm obviously not BSing , I came here for advice...

It's all a long story, and the main problem has been that I've never told him how I feel - because I see him as extremely commitment-phobic; and so always told him he was free...

It has been messed-up communication since the v beginning, with much paranoia, and, on my part, reliance on picking-up skills he evidently doesn't have...

I should do another thread really, as the title in this now has nothing to do with the content.

...because the whole story had come about as he'd been talking about some plans in the future that don't include me: sometimes he talks of moving in (I don't say anything, as I know he'll change his mind), and sure enough he does...

So I pointed out the inconsistency of his plan, and his moving in, and he told me of how he had turned down this married woman who had propositioned him (in a bid to show he's loyal)...

He didn't think I'd guess who she is; and who knows, indeed, if she is really married, as he says? There's loved-up stuff on one of her 2 fb accounts, that start in July, that's all I know, and something happened between them at the v least according to him (she was rejected? Nothing like that shows on her FB.)

...Another certainty is that they used to flirt a couple of years ago (I had seen it when I was his fb friend... I defriended him as I was spending far too long looking at what he's up to.)

I think he and I are coming to the end of the road, and I don't even want to wait till Wednesday.

So she's married and she puts about being all loved up with some other guy on Facebook?

I'm confused by this thread.

But I'm more confused because I was in the same situation a while ago and got a resounding no, I shouldn't tell her, should keep the moral high ground.

Now I'm rethinking!

Well, he says she is, that's an unknown to me, and not the one I'm particularly interested in...

Mmm, Why has the communication been so messed up? do you think he likes to keep it that way? Give mixed messages, ignore anything that he might have to respond to in a more decided way. Commitment-phobes often play that sort of game.

Why would he tell you about being propositioned? if that is all it was, wouldn't you just say thanks but no thanks and forget about it.

Please tell her...in case it's me

Bite the bullet do it now. Why prolong the agony. he is not the man for you.

I'm now more concerned about whether i should really be with someone who I feel is critical of me all the time, and who I don't trust; what to say to her is no longer my concern... He swore there's nothing, I believed him for 24hours...

I have sent him a text telling him that we should take a break. That's the 5th one this week - I think this time he will accept...

1. Properly dump him.

1. Tell her. Then forget about her. It's up to her what she does with the info, if it is even news to her.

1. Don't lie about your feelings in your next relationship.

FTS123 really?

MN will be here when you have married him and had his kids and he cheats on you again. It is as clear as anything you will take him back, just surprised at how quick you started defending him.

Yes Mini, of course that's why... But I knew it & was willing to accept it...

OP you are just making things up. First you say you've just remembered she is married, then you say you don't know if she is married.

You are also telling him the opposite of what you think. You are not being honest with anyone and, as you can see, you just get caught up trying to keep up with what you've told to who.

It's you who has the communication problem.

Stop playing games and just be honest. Speak plainly, stop trying to guess what other people are doing and thinking and say clearly what it is you want.

I dunno, not really I suppose, I am separated but still married, loved up with new man I've been seeing since July. We see each other all the time and I adore him but I don't feel I can trust him yet, I'm too scared to say I love you in case he doesn't say it back! Our kids have all met but this week I feel something has happened, he feels a bit distant. Hopefully it's just in my head. He's the biggest flirt I've ever met and I'm not sure how far he'd go with the flirting. Still early days for us I suppose. God I sound pathetic!

Yes, TheLittleOneRolledOver... I was surprised at how hard I found talking about my feelings. But I think I held back because I knew he would withdraw.

This thread makes NO SENSE!!

Fairenuff: I suddenly remembered he said she was married. He has said that, but in the end I don't know for sure, it doesn't say on her FB...

You might be right about me having a communication problem. I've been thinking that too...

FTS123: does yours have kids, then? Mine doesn't (that I know of...) .